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The twisting pain in my stomach returns along with that feeling of not knowing whether to be remorseful for my actions or grateful for my mistakes.
Lex is standing at the swings, pushing his daughter. His eyes are watching me, a mixed look of bewilderment and frustration before he turns away and continues to push his daughter. He doesn’t look like he wants to kill me, but he doesn’t wear a smile either.
“Julian, I know what I did in the past was wrong. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. Things should’ve ended with you before I got involved with Lex. I don’t regret the outcome… I just wish people hadn’t been caught in the crossfire in the process.”
“Charlie, it’s done. We’ve moved on.” Simple words. I am a man, after all. Women, however, need to elaborate on their feelings like they’re writing a novel or something.
“I know, Julian, but despite all that… I think you need help.”
I can hear the sincerity in her voice. She has obviously been thinking about approaching me. I know first-hand it’s never easy to host an intervention, let alone be on the receiving end. Of course, I need help. I just don’t know how to get it.
Allowing myself to absorb her words, I continue to watch the children playing around me. Her daughter, Amelia, has now left the swings and made friends with a boy sitting in the sandpit. All is well until another boy enters the area and catches her attention. She forgets about boy number one, turns her back to him, and begins to build sandcastles with the new boy.
Like mother, like daughter.
“I say that as someone who loves you. Maybe not the way you want to be loved, but I genuinely love you for everything you have done for me. It hurts me to see you hurting. I want to see you live your life and be happy. You deserve the best.”
Hearing Charlie say she loves me is enough for me to realize that this part of my life is well over. I can sit and dwell—more like sit and snort—or move on and create a new life for myself away from Charlie and the temptations that lurk around me.
The conversation is short-lived as Amelia runs toward us. She’s wearing a Batman T-shirt with a cape plus little black gumboots and is covered in sand. She doesn’t seem to care, though. What is it with kids and sandpits?
“Mommy! Can I take baby Ava on the swings?”
Charlie touches her cheek, a motherly gesture that doesn’t go unnoticed. “Buggy, she’s too little. Why don’t you call Daddy over?”
Great. Showdown.
“I’m not Buggy anymore. I’m Batman! See, look at my cape.”
The irony. If it weren’t for her emerald green eyes and everything about her face that mirrors Lex’s, you could seriously question her paternity.
Charlie lets out a small giggle. “Yeah, I know what you’re thinking.”
Her laugh is infectious, and I can’t help but laugh along with her. “So, she likes Batman?”
“Uh-huh, been obsessed with him ever since she saw him at her cousin’s birthday last year. She’s a crazy one. She keeps ladybugs as pets. Had like twenty of them in her room, hence, why she got the name ‘Buggy.’ We thought having a daughter meant tea parties and an overload of pink, but let me tell you, it’s been everything but.” Charlie’s smile remains fixed. Even though her daughter may be a tomboy, you can see the proud look on her face. “Eric even bought her this fancy kids’ tea set from London for her birthday. She opened the present and ran off to find Rocky because his present to her was a basketball. She loves to watch the Lakers play.”
“I can only imagine Eric would’ve been devastated,” I respond at ease.
“Gutted doesn’t even cover it. I believe he dropped the F-bomb, and let me tell you, Amelia repeats what you say, so Eric got an earful from us that night.”
We laugh for a little while longer before Lex walks over to us. He stands beside Charlie, taking baby Ava off her and moving his lips to her forehead. I see Charlie watch him in awe, but her eyes do this thing as if she’s trying to get him to say something.
We all remain silent, only the sounds of the children screaming and the occasional rustle in the trees from a slight breeze can be heard. The clouds have formed into a cluster, the shades of gray warning us of what’s to come. In the distance, a roar of thunder startles the children, and parents scramble to collect their family and belongings before the rain.
For me, there’s a different kind of storm brewing, and it’s about to strike.
Lex clears his throat. “You saved my wife and my baby.”
It’s not a thank you, more of a statement.
I don’t say a word.
Charlie places her hand on mine, and the touch makes me ache. “Thank you, Julian. Give yourself that. Despite whatever your intention was, you saved us.”
I look directly into her eyes, watching her stare back at me. She stands and leans in to embrace me.
My strength, my weaknesses, every emotion possible is swirling in my head, and not wanting to linger in this moment, I pull away and give her the smile she deserves.
