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He thinks about my offer, then nods without saying a word.
We work silently together as I arrange the cushions and grab a blanket from the linen closet. Within moments, he has taken off his jacket and shoes and is lying on the couch. A yawn escapes his mouth as he rubs his tired face.
“You sure Andy won’t come down?”
“No, he won’t. It’s Saturday, and besides, he won’t go downstairs without me,” I tell him. “He’s afraid the boogey monsters prey on little boys. Blame Rocky and his Ghostbusters obsession.”
I’m distracted momentarily by his penetrating stare, the desperation to be physical with me, but I restrain, unable to relax in my own home. I say good night without a kiss goodnight and walk upstairs.
In the confinement of my room, a single tear escapes again followed by a stream. Why does having him here make me feel so guilty? Elijah told me to move on, find someone who will love me. Does Julian love me?
Love is a terrifying word I never thought I’d have to say to anyone besides Elijah. The anger is starting to build. Why does this have to be so complicated? Why is it that everywhere I turn, I’m met with a battle?
I change into my tank and bed shorts before climbing into bed. My bed feels emptier than in the weeks after Elijah’s death. I lay on my side staring wide awake at the ceiling, chastising myself for being gutless and for not being able to talk openly about my fears, afraid I’m pushing him away, so I send him a text.
Me: I’m sorry I’m hurting you.
I wait fifteen minutes. I contemplate going downstairs, but my screen lights up, and I take a deep breath before I read his response.
Julian: It does hurt. But what’s the point of pushing of you? Sleep, we’ll talk tomorrow.
The answer leaves me wanting to ask more questions, but it’s been a long day, and exhaustion rears its ugly head along with its BFF, guilt.
It hits hard, and Elijah invades my mind as it decides to take a walk down memory lane.
I rest my head on his lap watching paint dry, and I mean literally. We had just painted the walls in our apartment a shade of lilac, creating a small piece of heaven which was slowly becoming our home.
“Did you seriously think we’d end up together? I mean, you know everyone says high school sweethearts never last,” I asked.
“Babe, we aren’t like anyone else. We always had that connection not many people get, but you and me, we got it bad,” Elijah said confidently.
He placed the remote of his Xbox down and stroked my hair gently. My body relaxed as his fingertip glided against my scalp causing my skin to shiver in delight.
“Charlie and Lex are like that. I feel it. I just shouldn’t have been part of breaking them up.” I sighed loudly.
“Adriana, don’t feel guilty for that. They both needed to find themselves. And I agree, they have a strong connection. If only their stubborn heads would realize that.”
“I feel sorry for Julian. I know Charlie loves him, and he loves her, but he just needs to let he
r be with Lex. God, he is hot enough to pick up anyone. Let go of her and find another beauty.”
“Sometimes, it’s not so easy to let go. He’s a great guy and intelligent. Don’t meddle, okay? It’s called a love triangle. Triangle has three sides, not four,” he pointed out.
I wasn’t a meddler. Okay, maybe I was but only because I had good intentions.
“So are you! You distracted Julian in the restaurant so Lex and Charlie could talk, but I swear to God they fucked in the toilet because Lex’s forehead looked sweaty.” I screwed my face up in disgust. Argh, he is your brother, Adriana! Wrong on so many levels.
“Julian is a great guy. He’ll figure it out soon. Now as for you, have I told you lately how much I love you, soon-to-be Mrs. Evans?
I let out a small giggle. “Yes, last night during that long lovemaking session with those new oils.”
“Well, I love you,” he repeated.
I moved my body, so my face met his. His crooked smile awaited me as I ran my finger down his cheek. His quick bite startled me, and we both erupted into laughter.
“You and me, mister, for life. We can’t be broken.” I smiled.
“Impossible.” He smiled back.
