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My mom is quick to smack Lex’s hand as he serves himself another slice. I complain I have none left to take home, arguing with Lex until my mom winks at me. That wink only means one thing—she has made another pie. My eyes quickly divert to the oven, and there, on the bottom tray, sits another dish. Fucking score!
“I’m only going to this because I don’t trust Eric. He’ll try to pull that male-stripper stunt like at your bachelorette party,” Lex gripes.
“Nikki planned that. Not Eric.” Charlie is quick to correct him. “Which reminds me, what’s happening Saturday night? Are we on?”
Earlier this week, I got a call from a publicist wanting a few dresses for a red-carpet event. Of course, I was elated. It means exposure and a possible feature in a popular fashion magazine. In exchange for this, I was also offered VIP tickets to the afterparty. The hottest celebs will be there all glammed up, and when Eric caught wind of this, he was on my ass faster than a hemorrhoid. His words, not mine.
Charlie is over-the-top excited, surprising me as she rarely cares about anything these days but the girls. It doesn’t take me long to figure out that the excitement derives from a certain Mr. Timberlake attending the event. That opened up Lex attending as well. I swear he has the biggest jealous streak, it’s downright obsessive. He’s all up in Charlie’s ass about it, no surprises there, prompting me to ask for extra tickets.
“Yeah, it’s on. The driver will be at your place at eight. I’ll come around six and get ready there?”
Charlie nods and talks about the dress she plans to wear, prompting Lex to complain that the dress is too low-cut or some bullshit like that.
“Charlie has great tits. Get over it, loser,” I say, shooting him a fake smile.
It’s time to leave, and because we’re driving across town, Lex suggests we go together. I don’t mind, considering I hate LA traffic, and being a passenger means my hands are free so I can text Julian. I say goodbye to Andy and head outside to be met with a shiny red sports car.
“What the hell is this?” I ask them.
“A car.” Lex snickers.
“Yeah, I get that. I mean whose is it?”
“She’s a stunner, isn’t she?” Charlie squeals.
I roll my eyes at the two of them.
Charlie and Lex have a crazy obsession over cars. I’m fairly certain they have more than four in their garage, not including Charlie’s bike. Lex starts to talk stats, boring the shit out of me. The car looks hot, that’s the extent of my car knowledge.
Lex opens the door, and I climb in the back. It’s awfully squishy, and the newly-cut leather makes awkward sounds as I settle myself in.
We drive off, and within minutes, I pull out my cell to text Julian. It’s much better than listening to Lex and Charlie discuss what happened on The Bachelor last night.
Me: What’s my favorite man doing? I’m heading to Eric’s. Wish me luck.
I see the bubble appear on the screen, and I wait in excitement for his response.
Julian: Favorite man? How many men are you hiding from me? I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. It sounds interesting if I say so myself.
Get the fuck out of town! He knows what Eric has planned. I type as fast as humanly possible. I’m the most impatient person in the world.
Me: Are you jealous of the string of men waiting at my doorstep every night? Tell me please what Eric has planned? Pretty please with a naked cherry on top?
The bubble appears again. I tap my foot impatiently until Lex asks me if I need to pee. It’s what happens when you become a parent, I guess. I answer back at him annoyed, and he carries on with his conversation.
Julian: You’ll pay for that joke the next time I have you alone. Naked cherry? Please don’t start. I can’t even remember when I saw you naked last. Wait, too late. I’m rocking a huge boner now thanks to you. As for Eric’s, good luck, beautiful.
Oh my. I quickly text back.
Me: It was only yesterday so don’t flash those pouty lips. Mmm, okay maybe I need to stop thinking about your lips and your huge boner. If I told you I had the equivalent to your boner would that persuade you to tell me what’s happening tonight?
Bubble… bubble… oh, hurry up!
Julian: How wet?
Dammit! I’m hot and bothered, and it’s highly inap
propriate to be feeling this way in the back of my brother’s car. Much like that delicious apple pie, I couldn’t resist and had to take another bite.
