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“I am going to murder all of you,” I promised him darkly.
“He likes them a little wolfish,” Tanner said.
“Wolfish,” Chris said, pencil scratching along paper.
“Able to hold their own in a fight,” Rico said.
“Probably has to know about his my-arms-glow-in-the-dark secret too,” Tanner said.
“They don’t glow in the dark—”
“That’s true,” Rico agreed. “And should be someone he’s comfortable around. Someone he knows.”
“Right, right,” Chris said.
Bambi appeared as if by magic, holding a tray with two pitchers and four frosty mugs in one hand. She set it expertly down on the table without spilling a drop. She smiled at Rico as she set the mugs in front of us and the pitch
ers in the middle of the table. “What are y’all up to?”
“Trying to get Gordo laid,” Rico said cheerfully.
“Ooh,” she said. “Man or woman?”
“Man.”
“I’m on it,” she said before she disappeared from whence she’d come.
I angrily poured myself some beer. It was more foam than liquid.
Rico took the other pitcher and began filling the remaining mugs. “What else?”
“Is anything else necessary?” Chris asked, frowning down at the notepad.
“I think that pretty much narrows it down,” Tanner said.
“Okay,” Rico said. “Hit me with it.”
Chris picked up the notepad and held it close to his face, squinting at the words. “Okay. Based upon our criteria of being hairy and big and wolfish and knowing about how Gordo uses Force lightning because he’s pretty much a Jedi—”
I furiously choked down foam.
“—that leaves us with two choices for Gordo to get laid.”
“Awesome,” Rico said. “That makes our job so much easier. Who are they?”
“Carter or Mark Bennett.”
I sprayed foam on the table.
Rico patted me on the back. “Good choices, though I feel one is more obvious than the other. Pros and cons?”
“Carter is young,” Tanner said before belching. He wiped his mouth. “Could probably get it up more than one time in a night. He’s also probably eager to learn. A real crowd-pleaser, if you know what I mean. Kids are always eager.” He grimaced. “I wish I hadn’t phrased it like that.”
“And he’s big,” Rico said. “And we know he’s hung because of all the times we’ve seen him naked. Because werewolves. Which does wonders for my self-esteem.”
“Big penis,” Chris said, writing on the notepad.
“And he’s a second to Joe,” Tanner said. “Which means he’s a real go-getter.”
