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The power in her voice was undeniable. Rico opened his mouth again like he was going to argue, but instead he did as he was told.
Joe said, “Maybe we should—” but Elizabeth held up her hand without looking at him, and he fell silent.
“I love you,” she said to Rico. “You’re important to me. To all of us. And you are justified in your anger.”
“Thank you, mamacita,” he said. “It’s good to know that—”
“I’m not finished. Don’t interrupt me again.”
He gulped.
“You’re justified in your anger,” she repeated. “But it’s dangerously misplaced. This is what they want. Doubt. To pit us against one another. Because if we let anger consume us, if we let it take control, then we run the risk of losing everything we love.”
“Where was this when Joe decided to break apart the pack?” Rico demanded. “When they all left to go after Richard Collins? Did you tell them the same thing?”
“You weren’t even there,” Gordo said. “You weren’t part of this then.”
“Only because you kept it from us,” Rico retorted. “We had to find out from Oxnard about all of it. You left a note and you were gone. Your life, man. We thought we knew you. We didn’t. We thought we knew Robbie. We didn’t. Because—”
“What do you want?” Elizabeth asked. “What do you hope to have happen here?”
Rico fisted his hair. “Argh. I don’t know. But I can’t just sit here and pretend nothing has changed. Everything has changed.”
I said, “I don’t remember.”
Everyone looked at me.
I wanted to run.
To find a hidey-hole in a tree and be as quiet as a mouse.
My mother lau
ghed somewhere in my head. Little wolf, she whispered. Little wolf. Can’t you see?
I couldn’t run. I couldn’t hide.
I was very tired.
I said, “I don’t remember, and I’m sorry because I don’t know if I want to. If I did everything you’re saying, then I don’t want to remember because I don’t know that I would survive it.”
Kelly hung his head.
I looked at Tanner and Chris. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t know how I know that. But if I was here, if I was part of this pack once, then that would have been what was important to me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. A place to belong. A home.” My voice cracked. “And if I had that, then I would never have done anything to have that taken from me.”
Tanner smiled tightly.
Chris nodded, though he looked a little pale.
I looked back at Rico. He was furious, though he kept it coiled inside. “I don’t expect you to trust me. Or even forgive me.”
“Good.”
“But I’m lost,” I admitted. “And I don’t know how to find my way back. Everything I thought my life was, everything I knew, it was a lie. Because my real life was taken from me by someone I loved. Someone I trusted. I thought I knew the way the world worked. I didn’t. I don’t know any of you. I wish I did even as I hope I never get my memory back.”
It was Kelly who moved then.
He stood abruptly, his chair falling back into the grass.
