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She reached up one last time and kissed me softly on the lips, lingering for a moment to feel me close to her. I wanted so badly to stand by her side, be there for her through this, but after what had happened at my place, it would only make things worse. At that moment, the best thing for me to do was get out of sight but just around the corner, hoping she could feel my support through the walls. Maybe this was a good thing, an op
portunity for everything to be set back on track. There was definitely too much stress in both of our lives, and I knew that if she had her father’s blessing, she would feel much better about everything. Then again, I wasn’t sure Dean was ready to give any kind of blessings when it came to me. He pretty much hated me, and I could feel the aftereffects of that hate still lingering in my jaw from when he punched me. I hadn’t told Ava that part and didn’t plan on ever doing so. I truly cared for her, which meant it was my responsibility to not let her be hurt, and seeing her father in that light was definitely a way to hurt her.
I walked into the bedroom and closed the door, looking back at Ava one last time. I hadn’t remembered ever seeing her place in the daylight, and her bed looked incredibly comfortable. However, not knowing what kind of noise it may make, I opted to sit on the floor, my back pressed against the inner walls. I could hear Dean’s voice as Ava let him into the apartment. The sounds were muffled for a few minutes and then I heard Ava invite him to sit down. Their conversation was calm and full of love. It was very obvious that he was hurt, but at the same time, so was she. This wasn’t as cut and dry as she thought it was, I could tell.
“I love you, Ava,” Dean said.
“I love you, too, Daddy,” she said. “I never meant to hurt you. I was doing what I thought was right for my career, for my personal life, but all the while feeling like the walls were closing in on me every time I had to lie to you. I never wanted that to be the way.”
“I know,” he sighed. “You have been such a good kid your entire life, and now as an adult, you made a mistake. I can understand that and appreciate the quality of a life learned through lessons. You are hurt just as much as I am, and I know it can’t be easy with what your mother’s done.”
“I’m so sorry she did that,” Ava said, obviously crying. “I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive her.”
“You’ll forgive her because she is your mother, and she loves you,” he said kindly. “She didn’t do this to you. She did it to me. Let me take the burden on that one. I’m still trying to figure out how my supposed best friend could take advantage of my little girl.”
“Daddy,” she sighed. “You have to remember that I may always be your daughter, but I’m no longer a little girl. I knew full well what I was getting myself into with Tanner, and I was willing to take on anything that followed my actions.”
“Are you still seeing him?”
“No,” she said after a few moments.
I grabbed onto my chest feeling as if my heart was breaking inside of me. I couldn’t believe she had just tossed me to the wolves like that. My heart was completely broken, in more ways than one. I thought that we had connected, bonded, and found ourselves in a place that was perfect for both of us, but I guessed that was just me thinking that. I pulled my attention away from the conversation, not wanting to hear anymore. I was almost angry at myself for thinking anything different. How could I be angry at her? She had been through hell, and her decision was the same one I would have made. Hell, I had made that decision over and over again through the last decade. She was probably doing me a favor, keeping me from getting myself wrapped up in a relationship that I didn’t even know how to be in.
My head leaned back against the wall, and I closed my eyes, trying to think about the fact that three weeks ago, I would have never thought I would be sitting here with a broken heart. This was exactly why I needed to keep my mind focused on work, not women. I had been perfectly fine with my life before I met Ava, and I would be perfectly fine after she was gone. She knew I could hear her, and this was her chance to let her father know that we were in a relationship or at least seeing each other, but she didn’t. That spoke volumes. As I reminding myself over and over like a mantra that I would be get through this, I could feel the walls starting to build back up around my heart. It felt good not to have to feel the pain, no matter how unhealthy it was.
I sighed and looked down at my watch, now wanting to get out of there and get back to my life. I guessed that was the finality I needed, so I could stop going crazy trying to get to Ava. From there on, I knew that there was no point in hunting her down, no point in chasing her. She was resolute in the fact that there was nothing between us. There was a part of me that was disappointed, sure, but that part was almost instantly buried, my mind protecting me from the pain that was trying to push through. I didn’t have time to move around and be upset, I had a job to do, a company to continue to build, until no one can catch me. I had always wanted an empire, a dream that I had forgotten over the last few weeks because my mind was full of thoughts of Ava, her father, and my exploding feelings, but now things could be different.
I put my hands down and listened back to the conversation, now wanting to get out of there. I felt like I was trapped and there was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. If it took much longer, I was considering going out the window and down the fire escape. That, however, was not my preference.
“Dad,” I heard her say, walking past the door. “I’m starving, why don’t we go have dinner.”
“That’s a great idea,” he said.
“Okay, give me two seconds to change,” she said.
I could hear her grabbing clothes from the laundry room and disappearing into the bathroom. At least I wasn’t going to have any awkward face-to-face time with her before she left. I got up off the floor and walked over to the window, waiting for them to leave. It looked cold out, so I made sure that I was dressed and my coat was pulled on before they had even left. I didn’t want to waste any time getting out of there.
After about twenty more minutes, I could hear them discussing what restaurant they wanted to go to. The front door opened and closed, and the voices drifted off into the distance. I looked down at the sidewalk and watched as Dean and Ava walked from the house and out to her car, parked in front. They climbed inside and took off down the street, Ava not even looking behind. I let out a deep breath, decidedly relieved that I could finally get out of there and leave the shards of my broken heart behind. As I passed through the house, I felt an eerie silence creeping through, and I looked back, making sure I had gotten everything before shutting the door behind me.
Though I figured it was over and done with now, I couldn’t help but feel unresolved, a little unhinged, and very confused.
Chapter 24: Ava
The drive over was quiet but comfortable, and I was ecstatic that I had my father sitting in the passenger seat. He had come over to make things okay with me, even though he didn’t have to, and it meant the world to me. I knew that I had Tanner in the other room, and I felt terrible for him, but it was kind of humorous how the situation had reversed itself. I had a conscience. I knew that my father would have been upset knowing Tanner was there, so I had lied, but for some reason it made me feel really bad, and more because I was hiding Tanner than because I was lying to my dad again. I didn’t know what I wanted from him, but I now knew it was harder to stay away from him than I had thought.
I looked up across the table and watched as my father looked over the menu. We had decided on a Cuban restaurant in Brooklyn, a place he and I used to go to when I was younger. My mother hated Cuban food, and though it wasn’t my favorite, I knew it was something that would make my father happy. It was obvious from earlier that I couldn’t make everyone happy, and I was starting to think the situation I was in was useless. Someone was going to get hurt. It was inevitable, and I was afraid it was already Tanner.
We had an amazing time when he’d stopped by the apartment, something that was unexpected and wild. I had let go, yet again, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. However, the person who was pushing back this time was me, and I knew that Tanner had heard the conversation between my father and me. I knew that he heard me tell my father we weren’t seeing each other. I was put on the spot, and I’d answered without thinking, without realizing what kind of damage that could do to our relationship, or whatever it was that we had. I shouldn’t care. I never had before, and just two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have given a damn, being more worried about my future at MJ than of my feelings toward Tanner. However, as I sat there thinking about it, I could feel a giant lump in my throat, and I couldn’t help but be worried about what he was thinking.
There had been other men in my life but nothing that I ever thought of as serious. I never thought, when taking the job at MJ, that I would end up feeling this intense about my boss. My emotions were all over the place, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get Tanner off my mind. He was this crazy sexy man with no inhibitions, a direct path in life, and a past that made even me blush, but there I was, sitting across from my father, thinking about what he was doing at that moment. It was obvious and clear, no matter how much I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I was in love with this man. Completely and utterly head over heels in love.
I could feel my cheeks blushing and my stomach flip flopping as I finally accepted that I was in love for the first time. Immediately, I felt warm inside, butterflies flowing through my chest, and a smile trying desperately to push through. My father was ordering his food, and I hadn’t been able to concentrate on the menu at all. I wasn’t like other girls growing up. I never had that high school sweetheart or that college love. I was too dedicated to my future to mess with things like that.
Now that I knew how it felt, and how intoxicating it was, I had probably made a wise choice back then. How did people function normally when they fell in love? My palms
were sweaty, my heart was racing, and I had this overpowering want to scream it from the rooftops. However, staring across the table at my father, I realized that I couldn’t tell a soul, not even Tanner. There was too much at stake at that moment, and I didn’t want to hurt my dad.
After he was done ordering, I just picked an item and told the waitress. He looked at me funny since it wasn’t the normal, and I shrugged, handing the menu back to the server. I didn’t even know what to say at that moment and I felt like I was losing my mind.
