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She hates me, but that doesn’t mean I have to act like her. “See you then, Ally, thank you. That’s very find of you to say.”
She is another reason why I can’t ever like Evan, not that I really need a reason. She likes him, they have or are probably sleeping together which I’ve noticed every single day that I’ve been here. It’s messy, much too messy and full of drama for me.
It’s much better for me to keep my distance as much as I can until all of this is over. Work is fine, lunch is okay if maybe pushing it a bit, but that’s all. If I keep this simple and I push all my emotions down, then I might just survive this unscathed.
Hopefully!
Chapter Nine – Evan
Oh my God, what is wrong with me? I think with a smirk as I take my seat opposite Katy in the cozy little Italian restaurant I’ve chosen for lunch. This isn’t a date, it’s just a normal business meal.
I know that, I’m not an idiot. Just because I’m paying for this out of my own money rather than the business expenses doesn’t make it any less of a work thing, so I don’t understand why I feel so giddy inside. Last night I could barely sleep, I just kept thinking about what it would be like to be alone with Katy in a much more relaxed atmosphere. I lay awake in my bed all night long planning what I would say to ensure that we don’t have an awkward silence. Then all morning I’ve spent wired, like an excitable bunny. Even Katy has noticed it, it’s embarrassing. It’s as if I’m on my first date ever! It’s crazy. I can’t work out why I’m being such a freak.
Once my butt hits the chair, I cough to try and cover up the rapid breaths falling out of my mouth. I also want to cover up the noise my heart is making as it rattles against my rib cage, trying to burst free from my chest. I wish I could be as cool as I normally am, this suck!
“This is a nice place,” Katy tells me with a thin smile. “Do you come here a lot?”
I can see what she’s asking, she wants to probe if I bring a lot of women here. I can see why she’d think that because it has got much more of a romantic date like feel to it than what I really planned for. There are candles in the middle of each table, which are lit despite the fact that it’s mid-afternoon, the tables are small which means we’re sitting quite close to each other, and the high backs to the chair give quite a private, intimate feel. I suppose this is the sort of place that I’d bring a date. Not that I ever date. Even in the old days when I used to fool around a lot I didn’t really date.
“No, I came here once with a business colleague,” I tell her honestly. “But I think we sat at a much bigger table, this feels a bit too close, doesn’t it?” I figure I should just address it so she doesn’t feel awkward. “Do you want me to ask if we can move?”
“Oh no, it’s fine. I’m too hungry to start moving tables,” Katy laughs as she picks up a menu. “It’s been so long since I’ve eaten something that didn’t come out of a take away carton that I’m just too excited for words. I think I can hear my stomach growling.”
As her eyes devour the menu it seems like it’s the best thing that she’s ever seen, I examine her closely. It’s nice to be able to look at her without her eyes glaring back at me like she’s trying to work out what I’m thinking. She’s so inquisitive all the time, like she needs to know everything in my brain. I don’t know if it’s the lawyer in her, or if she’s simply a control freak like me. I feel the same way, I suppose. I want to know everything that’s going on inside her mind, but I’m so busy being closed off myself that I can’t read her. I can’t let her into my life for obvious reasons, but I wonder why she’s so shut off. She’s got such high walls, it’s crazy. I wish I could break them down.
She’s so beautiful when she doesn’t think anyone’s looking at her. When her walls are down and her face is relaxed, she’s truly the most stunning woman that I’ve ever seen. I just want to cup her face in my hands and kiss her hard. Even when she has her usual style of scraped back hair and no make-up on, she’s still gorgeous, but today she’s allowed her freshly washed hair to spill down her back and it looks like she might actually have a little bit of make-up highlighting her eyes. I don’t know if she’s done that because of lunch, or because of me, but it excites me.
“I think I might have a calzone,” Katy finally looks at me with a grin. “They look really good here. What did you have the last time you came?”
“Oh, a pizza from what I remember. Or maybe it was pasta. I can’t remember. It was good though, everything here is good from what I’ve heard.”
At that moment, the waiter comes over and interrupts me from getting into a full blown weird rant about why everything tastes so nice. I’m acting so odd, like this is the first time that I’ve ever spoken to a woman in my entire life. I don’t know what’s happened to the cool, calm, and collected version of me that I am usually. Who am I now? What is going on? Katy has turned me into a school boy with a crush, like a nerd who’s trying to talk to a cheerleader.
It must be because she isn’t falling at my feet, that’s all I can think of. She hasn’t yet flashed flirty eyes at me, and she hasn’t draped over me. I’m not used to it and it has me hooked. I guess that leaves me with two pressing choices, either I keep things in the professional manner that they should be and I behave like an adult. After all, I need Katy, she’s doing the most important work for me that anyone has ever done, I don’t want to do anything that could stop her continuing on my case or I really will lose everything… or I could flirt harder. I could make her admit her feelings for me to herself and I could try and get her walls to come crashing down around her.
Urgh, this choice is so much harder than it needs to be. It’s driving me nuts.
Once the waiter leaves, I stare at Katy hard and she notices. I must be giving her such an intense look that she can’t even act polite and pretend that I’m not being odd.
“Is something going on?” she asks me curiously. “You’re… looking at me strangely.”
This is it, my moment to make a choice. Do I act like an adult or do I act like a horny teenager with absolutely no control? Rationality and my natural impulse battles itself inside me hard.
“I’m just… looking at you,” I answer pitifully, not really picking a side. “You’re…”
“Yeah,” she replies raspily, shocking me. “I think I know what you mean.”
That stuns me into silence. I wasn’t expecting that. Does she know what I mean? Does she feel the same way about me? She’s obviously being cryptic because of the professional relationship that we have, but just knowing that she feels something calms me down just a little bit. Maybe I don’t need to know anything more, maybe that’s enough…
But as we look at each other and I feel that deep stirring in my chest, I know this isn’t enough. I know I want more. I can almost feel my fingers itching to reach forward, to grab her, to tear off her clothes and to kiss every damn inch of her skin. I don’t even mind that we’re in public, everyone can damn well watch if they want… actually no, I don’t like that at all. If things ever were to go that way with Katy I wouldn’t want it to be something seedy like what I’ve had with Ally. I’d want it to be something special, something different. Oh my God, what is wrong with me? I think again.
“So, do you have any questions for me?” Katy asks me with a question in her eyes. “Is there anything you want to know about the plans we’re setting out?”
Right, business. That’s what we’re here to discuss, so that’s what we should focus on. It really doesn’t matter if we’re sharing feelings with each other, work comes first. “I don’t know, I don’t think so. You’ve been really clear on everything.”
“Good, good. Right. Well now we just need to get some official documents drawn up. I need to make some calls to some people, and you need to get some signatures, but after that we’re almost ready for our meeting. That’s pretty good, right?”
I nod, not really having anything to contribute to this conversation now. I really feel like we’ve covered everything this morning. “Yes, that is good. I’m… excited.”
