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Ally flings her hands onto her hips and she narrows her eyes at me. “You’ve been acting all weird ever since she came into your life. Is this about her?”
I can feel my cheeks flaming red as I’ve been caught out, so I do the only thing I can and I act like I haven’t understood what she’s so clearly saying to me. “Sorry, who? What are you on about?”
“Oh come on.” Ally rolls her eyes dramatically. “Miss boring lawyer, who you seem to like despite the fact that she’s clearly all wrong for you. Are you thinking about her?”
Yes, I think. “No,” I lie. “I’m not thinking about anything. I’m just… thinking.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I can see it written all over your face.” Ally cocks her head at me and looks at me with confusion. “You are thinking about her. But why? I mean, she isn’t exactly the prettiest girl you’ve ever had in your office and she does seem really dull to me. I don’t see what you like in her at all. Plus, she hasn’t been here for almost a week, so what’s going on with that?”
Urgh, it’s been the longest damn week ever. I don’t care what Ally says about Katy, she doesn’t know her at all. She isn’t dull looking, and she isn’t boring either. She’s gorgeous and interesting, smart and fun, I miss her loads. All I want is for her to be back in my office, working with me so we can laugh and enjoy ourselves but unfortunately, she’s been tied up in sorting out what she needs to do with paper work and endless phone calls, plus from what I understand she needs to wrap things up with another client as well. There isn’t any reason for us to hang out right now, I just need to accept that. Even if it really hurts me in my chest, even if I feel all hollow in my chest.
“She’s busy, Ally, that’s all,” I reply firmly. “And I honestly don’t know what you’re going on about. Me and Katy just have a business relationship. That’s all.”
“Sure, that’s why you go all moony eyed when she comes in.”
I can tell Ally has said that to try and get a reaction out of me so I do everything that I can to keep those emotions inside. I don’t want her to see that I’m affected at all. I continue staring at the papers on my desk, acting like I’m working in the hope that Ally will get the hint and walk away.
But she doesn’t. “Okay, well that’s great news. I’m glad that you aren’t all up in the boring lawyer’s grill because that would really fuck things up for me and you.”
My eyes snap up at that remark. I thought that me and Ally had an understanding. Why is she suddenly acting all crazy around me? “What do you mean, me and you?”
“Oh I don’t mean anything by it… I just like having fun with you, that’s all.” She shimmies closer to me and slides a finger up and down my chest. “We have a good time, don’t we?”
I let my eyes fall closed as she rubs my shoulders, instantly picturing Katy again. Ally transforms and becomes the beautiful, natural looking lawyer who gets my heart beating at a million miles an hour. I could easily get with Ally again and pretend that it’s Katy, it would be an awesome way to get some of this out of my system, it would be the relief that I so desperately need… but the last time that happened I felt like a piece of shit afterwards. I don’t want to use Ally, she doesn’t deserve that. She’s a great girl who’s been there for me when I’ve needed her.
“Not now, Ally,” I say firmly while pushing myself back to create some distance between us. I need the space, her body anywhere near mine is a bad idea. “I have too much to do.”
“What?” she squeals in shock. “Are you serious? You don’t have anything to do. You’ve been sitting here for the last twenty minutes just day dreaming about fucking Katy.”
Ah, so she does know her name. “I haven’t, don’t be like that, Ally.”
“What’s going on here?” she demands, fire flashing behind her eyes. “Are you ending things between us? Is that what’s happening? Are you done with me now?”
I part my lips to say no of course not, because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I stop myself at the very last moment. If I’m in the middle of developing some pretty serious feelings for Katy then I need to end things with Ally. Even if things don’t work out in the way that I want them to, the fact that I’m somehow
ready to open up my heart to an actual relationship means I do need to put things to a halt. I don’t want to string things along until they become problematic.
“I think it does,” I admit quietly. “This hasn’t got anything to do with Katy, I just think that maybe… maybe I don’t want to just fool around anymore. Maybe I want something more.”
Ally bites down on her bottom lip and I think I might be about to experience a very first screaming fit from her. I brace my shoulders, wondering if she’ll quit her job in the process of this nightmare, but then she just nods. She doesn’t speak for a few moments, she just nods at me calmly as if she might agree. I don’t move my shoulders down from my ears right away though, just in case.
“Okay, I see. And what does that mean for us? Like, what does it mean for work?”
“I still want you to work here,” I insist. “I like having you around and you’re amazing at your job. I just… I don’t know, I think it might be time to take life a bit more seriously, you know?”
She moves back slowly, almost looking uncomfortable in her own skin as she leaves. I know that it’s going to be a little bit odd for a while, it can’t be anything else, but I think that me and Ally will find a way to be okay in the end. I hope anyway, I need her.
As she reaches the door she holds it open and turns to speak to me once more. “You know, if you do like little miss lawyer you should let her know. She doesn’t look like the sort of person that hears it a lot and I’m sure it’ll help move things forward.”
I open my mouth, but I’m too gob smacked to say anything. That’s some really adult, kick ass advice from Ally which isn’t what I expected at all. She’s a great girl, and she’s also really right. I can’t just sit back and let things with Katy pass me by. If I like her then I need to let her know. I have to tell her… or at least make it very obvious. Of course, it’s complex because of our working relationship, but if it’s as real as I think it is, then it’s worth the risk.
“Thank you, Ally, that’s very kind of you.”
The door shuts quietly behind her leaving me completely alone with my cell phone. The phone that’s been far too silent for days. I mean, I’ve had calls and messages, but not from the person I want them from. But I have the power to change that if I want. I can grab my phone and I can call her. I can make the first step. I have to.
With a deep breath, I pick up my phone and I scroll through the names in my contacts list. When I reach Katy, I rub my finger across it lovingly, hoping that it’ll all work out as I want it to. I don’t know how my fragile ego will take it if I make a move with Katy and it all falls apart.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
