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I don’t usually care about what goes on in any other business, but today I do. I really do.
I grab my cell phone and scroll through the Internet once more, looking at my emails, my social media, random websites that don’t really tell me anything. I’m just trying to distract myself, but it’s not really working. I can’t think about anything but her. God, I wish she was by my side right now…
The next time I scan my eyes towards the building, I see the shadow of a woman coming out of the building. She’s hunched over, surrounded in sadness, and my heart absolutely bleeds for her. Everything hammers and shudders inside of me as I realize that this is Katy and she must not have gotten the job. The idiots at Harrison and Associates must have chosen Grant over her which is mind blowing. It makes me want to scream with frustration… but I won’t because this isn’t about me. This is about Katy and all I need is to be there for her.
I leap out of the car and race over to her to throw my arms around her, but before I can make any sort of contact with her, she looks up to me, her eyes swimming with tears and she whispers the words I was least expecting. “I got it.”
Well, the words aren’t shocking in themselves, they’re exactly what I thought she was going to say when I spent all that time in the car waiting for her, it’s the fact that she really doesn’t seem happy when she’s telling me those words. This is something that she’s been working towards for ages, and now she isn’t happy to get it. It doesn’t make any sense to me.
“You… you got it?” I ask her curiously. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and guide her back towards the car. “So, that’s awesome, isn’t it? That’s what you’ve wanted, am I right?”
“I don’t know,” she whispers while shaking her head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
I don’t say anything else until she’s safely locked away in the car because it seems to me that she’s having some sort of breakdown. I don’t want to get in the middle of that while we’re out in public for everyone to see. This is something that needs to be dealt with in private so she can really process what’s just happened. She sits in her seat and straps herself in, then I pull the car out onto the road and I drive her away from the office to give her a bit of clearly much needed head space.
“I don’t know what just happened!” she explodes before I get the chance to speak again. “I can’t believe that, I just freaked.” She twists in her seat to stare at me with wild, panicked eyes. “They announced it, they told me that I’m the one going to be mad
e a partner and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I think I might have just had a panic attack in there, in front of everyone.” I can’t see it, I can’t imagine Katy falling apart like that, she’s such a strong and confident woman. “I couldn’t breathe at all and then I told them that I would think about it.” She clasps her hand to her forehead in shock. “They offered me the job I’ve always wanted and I told them that I would think about it. I don’t think anyone has ever told a law firm that they would need to think about being made partner. Am I crazy? Have I gone insane? I just don’t know anymore.”
“Okay, breathe,” I command firstly. “I’m sure it isn’t that bad at all. I’m sure you aren’t the first person to need to think about a promotion.” I haven’t ever heard of it, but now isn’t the time to discuss that. “But… why do you think you might be struggling with this decision?” I really need to get into her head and work out her mind set before I attempt to give any advice.
“I don’t know,” she whines while her head rolls to one side. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I do want the job but at the same time I just… I don’t think I’m going to like it as much as I think I might. I think… I’ve told my best friend for years that everything will be better once I’m partner everything will be better. I’ve told myself that I’ll have much more time then and I’ll be able to get my life back… but I really don’t think that’s the case at all. I just don’t know that sticking with being a lawyer is ever going to let me have a life.”
“You’re… thinking about leaving it all behind?” That would be a shame because she’s amazing at her job, but I understand her point of view. The life of a lawyer is a lonely one.
“I don’t know because I don’t know what else I can do, you know. Being a lawyer is all I know.”
I rest one hand on her leg in what I hope is a reassuring gesture. “You just take some time and really think about it. It’s the most important decision that you’ll ever make, so take as long as you need.”
“I only have until the end of the month which is two weeks away,” she sighs deeply. “But yeah, I’ll think it all through properly. I don’t want to make a choice that I’m going to end up regretting.” She turns to face me with sadness rolling behind her eyes. “But I won’t let it affect my work for you, so you don’t ever need to worry about that.”
“Some things are more important than work,” I tell her, shocking even myself. “Whatever happens, we’ll make it work. It’s all going to be fine.”
Chapter Sixteen – Katy
I stare at the computer screen until my eyes feels fuzzy, just drinking the email in. It’s really great news written in the email, it helps me a lot with Evan’s case because it’ll help me to buy some time for him to sort out his finances, but I can’t get as excited as I once would have. Not when I’ve got this dilemma running through my brain. To be partner or not… I can’t believe it’s even a question. I should be jumping at the chance, I should be over the moon, but it just doesn’t feel like the amazing goal that it once did. I don’t have the same shiny ring to it.
“Knock, knock,” Grant’s voice rings through my office. “Can I come in?”
A heaviness overcomes me as I glance up to look at him, my eyelids feel incredibly heavy, but I force a weak smile onto my lips. “Yeah sure, is everything okay, Grant?”
He doesn’t answer me, he waltzes into my office and takes the seat opposite me. It’s a place that he’s sat a million times before and I’ve always wanted him there, but now I feel uncomfortable, like we’re two different species who don’t understand one another at all. I don’t know what’s changed… maybe it’s because I’m a rule breaker now, someone who sleeps with clients.
Oh God. Don’t think about that now… not with Grant in the room.
“What, erm… what’s going on?” I cock my head curiously at him. “All okay?”
“Yeah, I’ve just come in to check on you. I’ve been a little worried.”
“You’re worried about me?” I’m taken aback by this remark. I don’t know why, but it feels weird coming from him now. Insincere, maybe, since I know how disappointed he was when the partner announcement was made. He tried to look like he didn’t care, but I could see it written all over his face. I wonder what his angle is now, maybe he wants to check that I’m not going to take the partner job because he wants it for himself. “But why? There isn’t anything to worry about.”
Grant crosses one leg over the other and he folds his arms across his chest. Then he stares at me like I’ve grown an extra head or something. I feel like I’m a naughty school girl about to get yelled at by the head teacher for acting out in class. In that moment, all the inappropriate memories of Evan and his amazing tongue fills my brain, making me blush brightly.
“Nothing to worry about? Katy, there is plenty to worry about. You got offered the partner position, which I know you’ve been aiming for forever and you turn it down…”
“I didn’t turn it down, I just said that I’d think about it,” I jump back in defensively. Something about his words really freak me out. “Nothing is set in stone yet.”
“Yes, of course.” Grant nods slowly. “I understand that. What I don’t understand is why. Why would you need to think about it? Why isn’t the answer obvious?”
