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I purse my lips thoughtfully. Rationally I know he’s right but it just isn’t that simple anymore. “I know, but what about having a social life? What about spending time with friends and family? What about making connections and having relationships? I can’t do any of that working in Harrison and Associates, now or as a partner. I’ve always thought it would get better when I was made partner, but now I’m not so sure. Everyone here works all the time, no one has any time off…”
“Yeah I get that. But, it’s worth it, isn’t it? We have good money, success, we’re important, and we’ll be able to retire early. Isn’t all of that worth it?”
I stare at him with wide confused eyes. “But what about your girlfriend? Doesn’t she mind you never being around? You do so many all nighters here that it must put a strain on things.”
He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and flickers his eyes away from me. I can tell that I’ve hit the nail on the head with that remark. “I suppose so, I mean…” He sighs loudly. “Look, I know that you’re right with that one, we’ve split up actually for that reason, but it is what it is. I just need to find someone who’s a bit more open to my schedule.”
I sigh loudly as my heart sinks. It probably should be good news that Grant is now single, especially when he’ll be looking for someone who understands his schedule – just like me, since mine is just as busy – but it isn’t. Not now that I’ve met Evan. He’s changed absolutely everything for me. Now I’ve seen real passion and I’ve felt a tiny bit of what a relationship can be like. I don’t want something stilted and confined by lack of time. I don’t want a relationship where we stare at each other, tired and bleary eyed across an office. That isn’t for me at all.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Grant, but that only proves my point. I just don’t know what to do at the moment. I haven’t made any real decisions yet. I need to think about it still… when I get a moment.”
He reaches out to grab my hand and he gives me an intense look. “You aren’t actually thinking about turning the job down, are you? Because it sounds to me like you don’t even want to be at the company anymore. I don’t know what it’ll be like without you here. I’ll miss you, we all will.”
His words make my heart flutter wildly, but I don’t feel my decision shift. I still don’t know what to do. Just because Grant wants me here, it doesn’t mean I want to be here anymore. Somehow, I need to find a way to keep up with my law career and have a life as well.
I do need to figure it out, but right now I need to get out of this office before the walls close around me. “I need to get out of here for a bit, I have to meet with a client,” I say while standing up. “But thanks, Grant. That was a good chat. It means a lot to me.”
“I just don’t want to lose you,” he tells me intensely. “That’s all.”
His words leave me all churned up in knots, so as I leave the office I make a desperate phone call to someone who will give me another point of view. I don’t want to get swayed either way, I just need a selection of opinions to help me make up my mind and this person will see my lack of life outside work over everything else. She’s the perfect person to give me the opposite opinion.
“Hello, Katy? Is everything alright?” Robyn gushes, sounding terribly concerned about me. “It isn’t like you to call me in the middle of the day.”
“Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to worry you, I just need to talk to you about something. Do you have a moment? Are you at work?”
“Yeah, I am, but I can talk. There’s no one in the store right now so it’s cool.”
I breathe deeply as I slide into my car and I start telling her my story. “Well, you know how I was working towards being a partner? Well, I’ve been offered the job.”
“Oh, my God, that’s amazing! That’s what you’ve been wanting isn’t it? You must be so happy. Do you want to go out and celebrate? We could go and get drinks, since you’ll have more time.”
“The thing is,” I jump in rapidly, needing to make her see that she isn’t on the right line at the moment. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether I should take it or not.”
“Oh.” There’s an awkward silence and I totally know why. The last time I spoke to Robyn about it, I was all keen on becoming partner, I told her it was all I’ve ever wanted. I made a big deal about it and now… well now things have changed. I haven’t even seen her to talk about Evan yet, so this new change in me is going to be very strange to Robyn. “I see. So, you didn’t immediately jump in and take it? I thought…”
“I know,” I reply with a sad shake of my head. “I thought so too. I guess I just think that you might be right. Everything might not change and I might still be just as busy.”
“Yeah…” she drawls. She definitely thinks that, which makes my heart sink lower. “I don’t think everything will get a lot better if you become partner, but if that’s what you want to do then you shouldn’t let that affect you. It’s your dream, isn’t it?”
“I thought it was. But now I don’t know.”
“What has changed? This just seems so out of the blue for you. I mean, I’m going to be honest with you, I think you’d be much better off out of that office but that’s just me. I think life is more for living not working, but that’s why you’re the successful one and I’m not.”
Her words make my life feel so empty, I really have just been a husk, existing for such a long time. My life is so gray and boring… I want to inject some color into it. “What else can I do though, Robyn? Being a lawyer is all I know. I just don’t see any other option for me.”
“Oh, Katy,” Robyn laughs. “You are the smartest person I know. I’m sure you can do whatever you set your mind to. If you’re serious about getting out of that office, then I’ll support you. I’ll help you, you won’t be alone in your decision.”
I breathe a little freer as I realize she’s right. Just because being a lawyer is all I’ve ever known doesn’t mean I have to spend my entire life doing it. It might not be easy, but I can do something else if I want. I can step out of the box that I’ve created around myself and spread my wings. Robyn will be there for me, always. She’s proven that to me.
“And since you might be getting your life back, maybe you can finally meet Michael…”
“Actually, about that,” I blush as I interrupt. I need to let Robyn know the truth before I’m forced to let Michael down again. “I might not be able to meet Michael. I might have met someone.”
“Oh, my God,” she coos. “That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you. Is that what’s brought about this change? If so, then my God I’m happy and I cannot wait to meet this guy.”
“Well, not yet, things aren’t that set in stone. It’s all just… beginning.”
“I want to meet up with you soon so I can get all the gossip, okay? I know you’re always busy but you need to make time for me.”
