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Oh fuck. “The second one,” I murmur while grabbing onto a condom that I keep in the drawer. “That’s much fucking better.” I don’t tell her why, but it’s better because I can easily imagine her as someone else this way. I can drive myself into her from behind, pretending that it’s Pru.
Not that Pru would ever behave this way I’m sure, she’s much too sweet and innocent.
I rest the flat palm of my hand on Roxy’s back while I drive into her. I bang her hard against the table, causing all sorts of excitable groans to fly out of her mouth. Once I’ve settled into a comfortable rhythm I reach around the front of her and I flick my finger over her clit, so Roxy can enjoy this as much as I am. She feels good around me, this is fine…
If I’m totally honest with myself, I don’t think this is as good as I thought it would be. I assumed that I’d forget and it would all be lots of fun, but if anything, having sex with Roxy is leaving me cold and a bit hollow. It’s enjoyable as the sex goes, but picturing her as Pru just makes me sad and now I’ve made it impossible to see her as anything else.
We both cum together and I feel deflated once it’s done. This little issue of mine isn’t going to be solved as easily as simply getting it out my system. I know she’ll be gone soon, but I’m beginning to doubt that even that will be enough. I hope I don’t end up as a sad lonely man who can’t get one person out my mind. That’ll just be awful.
“Well, amazing as always,” Roxy announces proudly. “It’s a shame I’m moving but I can’t stay for you.”
I smile thinly, agreeing with her sentiment but hating the way it reminds me again that I’m completely by myself. Fucking hell, what a mess.
Chapter Eight – Prudence
This is the right thing to do, I think anxiously to myself as I pace up and down in front of Mr. Banker’s door at five to four, impatiently waiting to go inside. This is the way to make it right.
I have honestly been trying my best, genuinely trying to work things out on my own but it isn’t enough. The more I figure out my practical plan, the more I realize that I need to just get out there. I’ve set up some appointments, now I just hope that he’ll agree to my plan. I don’t know if he will, I know that I’m taking a huge risk just by asking him – especially when I think about how weird things are between us – but I have to at least try. There isn’t anyone else I can come to with this.
A creak rings out, the door swings open, and my heart stops dead. Mr. Banker gives me a look that shows he doesn’t quite know how to act around me, before he indicates for me to come inside. I wonder if he’s being weird because my dad just died or because there’s a strange atmosphere hanging in the air between us. I could get sucked in and worried about this, but I’m not going to. This is far too important for me to get blind-sided by my own doubts. This is my future.
“So, Pru,” he says quietly as he takes he seat. “How have things been going?”
“I’ve been doing my homework.” I figure that starting with a positive note is the best way to go. “I’ve been doing a lot of research online and working stuff out. Budgets, apartments, jobs, all of that stuff, like you told me to do. And you were right, I do feel a little more prepared now, but…”
Just as I’m about to launch into the speech that I’ve been practicing all morning, Mr. Banker interrupts me. “Actually, first I wanted to check in to see how you’re doing with your father. I know that must be really hard for you, and I’m sure you’re in a place where you can’t talk about it.”
I hang my head low, blinking back the tears that threaten to come. That’s always there in my mind, circling through me and reminding me that I’m lonely, but I’ve made the conscious decision not to allow it to change things. My father and his choices and actions have controlled my life since I was eight years old when my mother died. Now, I’m the one in charge and I want to focus on that.
“I’
m sad.” I half shrug and keep my eyes fixed downwards. “But I’m still going to continue on with my mission. I’m sure it’s what he would have wanted… I don’t know what else I can do.”
Mr. Banker lets out a sympathetic groan and he sighs. “Look, I know it might seem easier right now to push it to one side and forget about it while you’re about to go on this big life journey, but shoving your feelings down isn’t healthy. They’ll come back up eventually.”
I know that he’s right but still I don’t want to get into it. I came here with a mission and it’s one I need to complete. I think after all this time of being introspective has helped me to deal with things on my own. Yes, I’ve had someone to discuss things with from time to time, but most of it I’ve done alone. I’ll be fine, I know it. I nod slowly and smile the brightest one I can manage.
“Honestly, Mr. Banker, I’m okay. I know it’s weird to feel this way, but I suppose he’s been nothing more than a mythical creature somewhere off in the distance for the past five years. Yes, I feel a bit sad without him, but in a way, it’s freeing. This way, I can put my past behind me completely. A big part of me was always worried how things would be when he got out of prison anyway, and now that’s something I’ll never have to face. I won’t have to keep looking over my shoulder and wondering what it’ll be like when we meet. He’s gone, so it’s never going to happen.”
A hollow sensation fills my chest but I cough to cover it up. It’ll be fine, there’s a lot of truth to my words anyway. I won’t have to keep looking around me all the time.
“Right, yeah, okay. I suppose you’re right about that.” Mr. Banker nods. “Well, just know that I’m always going to be here for you if you want to talk. Even if you’re not here anymore. My door will always be open for you. If these feelings do resurface, just come and speak with me.”
“Thank you… that means a lot to me.” I well up again, but this time it’s because I’m so pleased to have met such an awesome person while being in here. It wouldn’t have been half as nice an experience if Mr. Banker wasn’t here. I would still be the shy girl who doesn’t even make eye contact with anyone. I suppose I have come far, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. “I will do.”
“Okay, great. So, would you rather talk about your plans you’ve been making?”
I breathe deeply, trying to regain the confidence I built up outside these office doors. “I would actually, and I think I have a plan about it. One that will help me more than the Internet.”
“Yeah?” Mr. Banker narrows his eyes at me. “Well that sounds positive. What’s that?”
“Well, as I was looking at apartments and jobs I felt a bit overwhelmed by it all, but that’s because I feel like maybe I need to see them in real life.” A cringe fills my chest, I don’t know how he’s going to react. “And I know I’m supposed to wait until after my birthday, but I really want to get out of here the moment I can – even more so now my father’s gone.” I feel a bit shit using that as an excuse, but I need to use all the tools I can at my disposal. “So, I set up some for… tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Mr. Banker gushes in shock. “What do you mean, tomorrow? They aren’t going to let you out on your own while you aren’t yet eighteen to do stuff like that. I know you’re keen.”
“I am keen.” Shit he isn’t getting it. I’m going to have to spell it right out. I wanted to avoid this, but it seems I can’t. “Which is why I was thinking you could maybe come with me.”
“You want me.?” He gives me an incredulous look, which isn’t what want. “On a weekend?”
