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By the time I get into my car, the panting breaths are desperately falling out of my mouth. The danger of this damn crazy situation hits me even harder and I feel like I might actually fall apart. I bang my hands angrily against the steering wheel, hating myself for being so weak. Now I have to do the impossible. I have to go into work and act like all is okay. I have to pretend to all my colleagues that I don’t have Pru damn well living in my house like she’s my girlfriend or something.
Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m not close to any of them, they would be able to see through me.
“Idiot,” I mutter to myself as I put my car into gear. “Idiot, idiot, idiot.”
I don’t think I’ve been played, I’m sure Pru’s emotions were genuine, but only time will tell how true that is. I’ll just have to give her enough time to settle into her job then I’ll bring up her apartment again. Maybe the idea of her living in the apartment in this building isn’t such a bad idea after all. That way she’ll feel safe, I can still watch her, and we’ll have the separation that we both so clearly need. We’ll have walls between us, making it impossible for us to kiss and anything more.
I whiz along the roads, probably much too quickly because I’m barely thinking straight and I head straight towards the office, feeling like I’m headed into doom. To my death, even.
No one knows, there’s no way anyone will be able to already tell what I’ve done, but I feel exposed and vulnerable, like my heart is pounding on my sleeve.
Just get today out of the way, I reassure myself. After that it’ll get easier, and like Pru said it won’t be for long.
Chapter Eighteen – Prudence
My heart hammers as I slide the new uniform over my body, preparing myself for my first day at work. I spent most of yesterday trying to prepare myself for this, but still I don’t feel ready. I feel like the fact that I’ve been so closed off from the world will instantly be obvious and I’ll be picked on for it. The girls liked me when I first met them, but things might be different now. They might have just been being polite. Oh God, what if they absolutely despise me and it’s miserable? What if I made the wrong choice by picking this job and I live to regret it every day?
“Pru, are you coming out yet?” Logan calls from the other side of the door in a reassuring tone of voice. “Come on, the uniform can’t be that bad. Let me see it.”
The nerves subside a little at the sound of voice. I’m so glad that I’m here with him and not alone. I don’t know if I’d be able to get out the house if I was. I’ve never been happier that he decided to cave and let me stay. There was a moment when I definitely didn’t think he would.
“I’m coming,” I call back in a sing song tone of voice. “Hold on let me just…”
I straighten down the pencil skirt, puff out the blouse, and smile at my reflection. I have my hair scraped back into a ponytail and a little bit of make-up dusted on my cheeks, and I think I look quite nice. Especially when I slip my feet into the heels that go with it, raising me up higher.
Finally, I give up and I exit the room, holding my shoulders back and my head high. Logan’s eyes practically bug out of his head as he sees me, almost as if I look sexy. Of course I don’t, I’m really covered up, but I like the way that his reaction makes me feel all the same.
“So, do I look okay?” I ask while turning around to show him the outfit from every angle.
“You look wonderful, Pru,” he gushes while clutching his hands to his chest. “Oh wow, you look like you can take on the world. Are you excited about your first day?”
He’s in a much better mood than he was yesterday, but I think that’s because he was nervous. He had to go to work after agreeing to let me stay with him, which probably freaked him out.
“I think so.” I don’t want to bore him with my anxiety. “It should be fine, right?”
“You had a great time at the job interview, didn’t you? I think that guarantees you a good start.”
I really hope that he’s right. “Yeah, well I suppose I better go. There will be a bus in a moment.”
The best thing about my apartment was how near it was to the job. Logan’s is miles away and involves a lot of trouble but I don’t mind. I would still much rather be here with him.
“You know I would give you a ride, don’t you? If I could, I mean. But we cannot risk…”
“I know, I know.” I almost roll my eyes at him. “We can’t risk being seen. Even if it’s just one friend helping out another. I understand that. I don’t mind getting the bus anyway, it’ll be fine.”
Of course that turns out to be famous last words. When I actually try and get the bus it’s a nightmare. I can’t find the bus stop easily, then I can’t work out which bus I need to get onto, then when I actually work it out which one I need to get onto it’s horrible. The bus is smelly, it’s uncomfortable to ride in, and the other people on it scare me. Like, really badly. The women aren’t too bad, they don’t even really register on my radar, but the men seem to have dagger eyes, staring into my soul and crushing me violently along the way. It’s hard to breathe, I can’t really stand it.
By the time the bus pulls up as near to the store as it goes, I hop out and suck in a couple of deep and calming breaths. I would like much more time to get myself in order, but I’m nearly late now and I don’t want to make a bad impression. My first day is going to be terrifying enough.
Come on, Pru, I hold my head high as I give myself a pep talk. Just survive this.
My eyes flick up at the store sigh, making my heart stop dead in my chest for just a second. This place that looked so inviting not so long ago now looks like it has monster teeth ready to pierce my skin and consume me. I’m about to step willingly into it, allowing myself to be swallowed up,
“Ah, Prudence,” a strong male voice calls out to me, beckoning me inside. “You’re here. Good, are you ready for your first day? It’s going to be a busy one, we have a sale on…”
I follow him in on autopilot, knowing that’s what I’m supposed to do, and I see a gaggle of girls behind him, two of which I recognize from the time I came for my interview.
I lift one hand to half wave and thankfully all four of them wave back at me. They look friendly enough, which is a good thing. This is why I’m here after all, to make friends.
