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As soon as Alice hangs up the phone I punch her number into the contacts list and stare at it. I never thought that I would be here, the girl with a cell phone and a friend’s number in it. I quickly connect the phone to the Internet and I grab Logan’s number off there too so I have two numbers on my list. I rub my thumb over the name on my screen, loving even looking at his name.
‘Hi Logan, it’s Pru,’ I type out, needing some communication with him wherever I can get it. ‘Thank you so much for all the lovely things that you’ve done for me today. I appreciate it. X’
I pause for a few moments, half expecting a reply but I don’t get one. I suppose that makes sense since he’s working. It’ll be hard for him to message me completely undetected. So instead I gather up the drinks and I head back to the only place that I want to be today, and that’s in bed. I definitely need to sleep this off. There’s no way I can feel better until I get some more rest.
I stagger over to the bed and collapse into it with my eyes closed once more. I shouldn’t be tired again, I’ve had a damn good night of sleep, but I am. Maybe it wasn’t a proper sleep, maybe I pretty much just passed out, I’m not too sure, but weariness is overcoming me again.
At least I have pleasant dreams of Logan to get me through the day. I always have them, and now I have some real life fact to base the fantasies on as well. When I first started dreaming about him, it was childish lust, an obsession, but now it’s definitely real adult love. I adore having that delicious sensation in my heart, and I cannot wait to share it with him.
***
Hours pass, I don’t know how many. Mostly I sleep, but sometimes I get up for something to eat or to have a little walk around. The time does help to heal me, but I still feel like crap for most of the day, even when I step into the shower. I do know that drinking is something that I never want to do again. It might be fun at the time, but this is not worth it. I can have a good time without it.
Eventually, I move myself over to the couch and I flick the TV on to watch some mindless movie. There’s a detective drama on, but one that doesn’t take too much imagination to work out who committed the crime, so it’s perfect for me to just lose myself in for a while.
As I half watch the show, I keep checking my cell phone, expecting some communication from either Alice or Logan, but I get nothing. The fact that Logan hasn’t even snuck off for a second to reply worries me actually, it makes me wonder what on Earth is going on with him today. In the letter that he left me he said something about needing to sort some stuff out today at work, and I can’t help wondering what. I just have this weird sensation that it’s something to do with last night and that I’m to blame. I have guilt for something that’s really nothing more than a black hole in my mind, one that I can’t recover no matter how hard I try. I’ll feel better when he’s here and I can just know that all is okay. With that safe feeling that Logan always gives me, I know I will only feel good with him here. It always does.
He’ll be here soon, I tell myself with determination. Here to make it all better. I just need to make it until he arrives, that’s all. I can do that.
I can do that…
Chapter Twenty Five – Logan
I don’t bother to wait to be called into the office, the anticipation is far too much. Whatever’s going to happen to me, I need to just know. There’s no way that I can act normally until then. I have to get it over and done with. I also want to get in there to argue my case, just in case it helps.
“Well, hello there, Mr. Banker,” my boss, Alexandra, comments coldly as she sees me. “I’m glad that you’re here. It saves me calling you in for a meeting which we need to have.” She indicates towards the chair on the other side of her desk. “Please, take a seat. We have a lot to discuss.”
Ice cold bolts of fear dart towards my stomach, freezing up my veins as they do. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so freaked out in my whole damn life, this is horrifying. My behavior, my actions, have brought me here. It’s time to face the consequence and I hate it. It scares me.
“Right, Mr. Banker, I think we both know that you have a lot of explaining to do, don’t you?”
The glare that she gives me bores right into my soul. I feel like she sees me for who I really am and she doesn’t like who I’ve become one bit. I shuffle uncomfortably on my chair, wishing I hadn’t come after all. Maybe it would have been better if I didn’t come here at all today.
“I can explain, honestly,” I insist in the strongest voice that I can manage. “Please, you have to just hear me out. I can see how this doesn’t look good, but it isn’t what you think…”
“So, you weren’t caught kissing Prudence Evans? One of the children that we had here at the center? You haven’t acted in a way that absolutely violates everything?”
Shit, fucking Hank. Why couldn’t he just talk to me about this? Probably because I ran away.
“What happened with me and Pru doesn’t violate anything, she isn’t here anymore…”
“And you think that matters?” Alexandra bangs her hands angrily against the desk. “You think it matters whether she’s here or not? She was brought here as a child, on her thirteenth birthday, after experiencing trauma at the hands of her father. You were her therapist for years… does none of this sound wrong to you? Does it seem okay that you’re kissing her days after she’s released from here?”
“Well when you say it like that, it doesn’t sound great, but nothing happened until she left…”
Alexandra sighs loudly and shakes her head. “That isn’t strictly true though, is it?”
“Nothing happened,” I insist. “Honestly, absolutely nothing happened. I wouldn’t do that…”
“When I got this troubling news, I instantly knew that I had to look much deeper into it and what I found was disturbing. Emails between the two of you, via the Internet provided here at the center.” Oh my God, I can’t believe it! I should have known this would happen. The Internet is all monitored, if not all the time it can be accessed, for the protection of the people here. “You were encouraging feelings from her the entire time. Even while she was here. Do you understand now?”
Admittedly I’m silenced by that, I don’t know what to say. She’s right, I’ve acted inappropriately the entire time. I knew that I was risking everything for Pru and I didn’t care. I guess I never thought that it would really catch up with me, but it has. All of it.
“I understand,” I reply quietly, preparing myself to reveal something that I haven’t yet full accepted myself. “I understand completely, but nothing aside from the emails happened while she was here. We were just friends, I just wanted to help her, that’s all…”
“So, you’re trying to tell me that you didn’t have any feelings at all?”
I don’t see the point in answering that, we both know the truth. “I love her,” I tell Alexandra with all the brutal honesty I can manage. “I wouldn’t have done anything if I didn’t love her. This is real, we love each other. This isn’t just something. It’s going to last. Forever.”
