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I glance around, feeling ill as I recall just how crappy Pru’s neighborhood is. No matter what had happened, I never should’ve kicked her out and sent her back here. I should’ve found her somewhere new to live like I promised her I would. Somewhere much nicer. She’s too good to be in a hell hole like this. I feel like I’ve been gut punched as I try to accept what I’ve done, all through my own selfishness. When I got the news of my firing I only thought about how it affected me, not her.
I hope this is something that I can make right, I think to myself as I plough on, needing to see her face even more desperately now. I hope she doesn’t hate me.
As I walk through the building to Pru’s home, all the memories that we’ve shared together flicker through my mind, none of them from the center. That time was so irrelevant to us, so nothing, it’s unimportant. I recall taking her out to view apartments and to do job interviews and how happy she was, I remember coming here to pick her up when it all got too much from her, then bringing her back to mine where we shared a delicate kiss for the very first time. I think about when we first caved to temptation and slept together at last. That really did feel like it was a long time coming. Then, I think about the night that she got drunk and I kissed her, when I really did fuck up.
By the time I’m outside her door, I’ve talked myself into being a trembling mess. I could use another drink for a bit of Dutch courage, but it’s too late for that now. It’s now or never.
I raise my hand, internally preparing myself before banging on the door, a noise so loud it shoots right through my brain. I actually feel myself jump a little, which is crazy because I’m the one who made that noise. When I don’t get anything for a couple of minutes, I rise up onto my tiptoes and I press my ear against the door. I swear I can hear movement inside, which causes me to knock again.
“Who’s there?” comes the eventual, weary reply. Even hearing her voice in this state, melts me.
“It’s er, it’s Logan, actually.” A heat stains my cheeks, I actually feel embarrassed. Maybe acting on a whim wasn’t such a good idea after all. “Can we talk for a moment, please?”
“Logan?” The door swings open and all the breath is sucked from my body. Pru looks even more beautiful than I remember with her pale blonde hair that’s slightly longer now, her high cheek bones and bright eyes, her womanly curves which she now knows much better how to show off… she’s a dream, but she’s real, and once upon a time she was mine. “What the hell are you doing here?”
I glance behind her seeing a sight that stops my heart. “Why is all your stuff boxed up?”
“Oh that’s…” She waves her hand dismissively. “That’s nothing. Why are you here?”
I push past her, not waiting for permission. Everything she owns is packed away, this apartment doesn’t look lived in at all. It’s a good job I came today or I would’ve missed her! She’d be in another home completely. I can’t believe it, I feel sick to my stomach. I really have lost her.
“What’s going on, Pru?” I demand, needing my answers even if I don’t really deserve them. “Why is all your stuff packed away? Do you have a new apartment, or something?”
She folds her arms defensively across her chest. “It isn’t really your business, is it?”
“No, I know.” I shake my head gravely. “I lost the right to ask you anything when I was an asshole, but I want to apologize, I want to tell you that I’m not going to be an idiot anymore. I want to make it right.” I glance up at her, ready to spill my guts. “I want to tell you what I should’ve been brave enough to say all along, and
that’s that I love you.”
There’s something very freeing about finally getting those words out, it makes me feel lighter than a balloon and full of delicious cool air… but Pru doesn’t look impressed, not at all.
“You’re too late,” she says curtly. “I’m leaving. I’m moving away from the city. Tonight.”
Chapter Twenty Eight – Prudence
This is just a test, it has to be. Another thing come along to test my resolve. Just when I thought I had everything worked out all over again, this shocker comes out of the left wing to knock me over. I’ve spent a week and a half planning this, I know for a fact that it’s what I have to do and nothing is going to stop me. Not even the love of my life declaring that he feels the same way.
“It’s too late,” I reiterate, really trying to drive the point home. “I’m about to go now.”
“You can’t go.” He shakes his head rapidly from side to side. “You can’t, it isn’t right. I know that I fucked up but you can’t just leave. I mean, where are you even going?”
I sigh loudly, knowing that this is going to be the worst bit. “I’m moving to another state, Logan. I’m going to California to start again. I can’t be in New York anymore, it isn’t the place for me. I have… too many memories here, too many things that have gone wrong.” I give him a meaningful look, hoping that he knows I include him in that list. “I need to be free. To start new.”
“But… but what about practical stuff?” I can almost see him panicking. “What about an apartment and a job? What about paying for stuff? What about… there’s just too much to do.”
I chuckle lightly, finally feeling like an adult who doesn’t need to be taken care of. “I’ve done all that, Logan. I have an apartment, I’ve paid the deposit on it. I even have a job lined up. Just a temporary thing until I work out what I really want to do… you’ve helped me well, Logan, but I know what I’m doing now.” I pull the check out of my bag that I was going to quietly and anonymously drop off on my way, but I might as well give it to him now since he’s here. “I even have the cash to pay you back. I picked up some extra shifts in a bar to save up a little so…”
“So, you really are doing it?” Logan takes the check off me and he stuffs it into his pocket. He needs the money more than me now since he’s out of work as far as I know. “You really are going?”
“I’ve had a wonderful time here in New York City, but I think I need to put my past behind me once and for all now. The center is here which will always remind me of my childhood, and well.. you know, getting my heart broken. Not that I blame you, of course. You didn’t have a choice.”
“But that’s the thing.” Logan steps closer to me and for some reason I allow him to take my hands, despite the fact that I know it’ll stir me up all over again. Mind you, this whole visit has done that all by itself. “I did have a choice and I chose wrong. I should have told the center where to go. I only didn’t because I was afraid I couldn’t do anything else with my life and I also thought the cops might come in the picture. Trust me, I got threatened with that on more than one occasion.”
“A threat that they carried out,” I tell him honestly. His eyes fill up with fear and shock, compelling me to dispel those emotions. “I got rid of them, there’s nothing to worry about, but yeah they did come. That’s something else I want to get away from. I want to be somewhere new where no one knows me so I don’t have to feel like I’m always looking over my shoulder.”
Now that he’s here, I realize that would be a better dream if I could have it with Logan. There we could just be two people who met and fell in love. I yearn for that, I would love that, much as I’m excited for the new adventure I would much rather do it with him than alone… but I can’t ask him to give up the life that he has here. His roots are dug much deeper than mine.
“I can’t lose you.” All of a sudden, Logan starts sobbing and he collapses to his knees as if in shock. “I can’t lose you, Pru, I can’t. I don’t want to do my life without you.” I remain silent because I don’t know what he expects me to say to that. “I can’t imagine going through the rest of my life without you. Pru, you are everything to me. I need you. Please…” He glances up at me, looking at me with wet, sad eyes. “Please, let me come with you. I want to start again too.”
