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Rage bubbles, I can’t contain it any longer. I’m not a violent person but I can feel myself about to punch a wall or something in frustration. I walked in this house tonight with a positive attitude and they’ve just sucked it right out of me. How the hell am I supposed to deal with this? It’s a nightmare and one that I’ve just had flung on me. The terrible thing about my father is that he always ends up getting his own way. That’s just his nature.
“So, that’s it?” I ask, needing clarification. “This is what’s happening now? I’m doing what you want, forgetting what I want, and becoming… what? Something in the medical industry just because?”
“It’s not ‘just because’. It’s because I know what’s best for you and one day you’ll thank me.”
I let out a grunt of frustration and storm from the room. There’s no way I’m standing around here and listening to another moment of this. I need to get out of this claustrophobic environment so I can finally breathe. I’m supposed to be headed to Brandon’s house, we have this whole night planned, but I don’t think I can face him. I’m afraid that he might agree with my dad and he might assume that I’d be better off at college. He hasn’t ever commented on my future plans before but I suppose we haven’t really discussed it. I haven’t ever brought it up and nor has he. This might be the chance for him to finally air out his feelings.
I sit atop my bike and grab out my cell phone. I scroll through the numbers until I find Rosa’s name. She might be annoying and the tattoo might be a bit creepy, but I just need someone tonight and she’ll do. She’s definitely still more than up for it and as long as I don’t let her talk then it’ll be just fine.
“Rosa,” I grunt into the phone, sounding more cave man than a decent person. “You up?”
“Oh, my goodness,” she squeals, instantly knowing what this means. It’s like a code, two words that mean so much more. You up. So simple. “Yes, of course I’m up. You know where I live, don’t you?”
“Sure, I know.” I slide my eyes closed in dismay. This isn’t where I thought this night would head. “I’m on the bike now, so it won’t be long until I arrive. You might as well get down to your underwear.”
She makes an excitable noise, which leaves me wondering if this is something I should regret. But then, if it’s dealing with Rosa who has the potential to turn into a stalker, or facing my future then the choice is obvious. I’ll do absolutely anything to put that behind me for the time being. I just need to forget.
I bring the bike to life and I roar along the road with a horrible sense of dissatisfaction in my chest. I’m disgusted with my father, I know controlling he is in my life. It sucks. And even worse is my mother simply allowing it to happen, as if she thinks that’s a good idea. Everyone else gets to choose whatever the hell they want to do with their future and I’m having that stripped away from me. I haven’t ever felt so helpless in my life. The more I think about it, the less I know how I’m going to get out of this.
Fuck my life!
Chapter Five – Leah
Zane’s visits seem to get less frequent over the next couple of weeks. I don’t know what it is, but all of a sudden, he isn’t around quite as much anymore. When I attempt to bring it up to Brandon he shuts down a little, mentioning something about a new fling in his life taking up all of his time. To be honest, that doesn’t hurt as much as the look on my brother’s face whenever I bring it up. It seems like there’s something more going on here, but I don’t know what it is. I wish I could find out because it’s causing a lot of tension in the house.
“So,” Mom says with a smile as she presents us both with breakfast. Since she isn’t around much, she likes to do what she can when she is here. “What’s going on with you two? It feels like it’s been forever since we l
ast talked. How’s school? How’s… I don’t know life?” She laughs awkwardly. “Anything, come on, tell me.”
I glance at Brandon, hoping that he’s going to go first but his eyes are fixed on his food. He definitely doesn’t want to talk. I sigh loudly, assuming that it’s up to me. Only, I don’t really have anything to say.
“Erm, school is good,” I say slowly. “It’s just the same as normal, you know how it is.”
“Right, I see.” Mom seems to sense something going on with Brandon because she turns her attention to him. “What about you?” Brandon gives Mom a half smile but doesn’t say anything. “Hey, it’s your birthday coming up soon, isn’t it? Eighteen years old. We better have a real party, hadn’t we?” She gives him a desperate look, trying her hardest, but still Brandon’s are sky high. “You’ll want to celebrate, especially when it’s the last one that you’ll have here. The next one you’ll be celebrating at college, won’t you? This is important…”
“No, Mom, I don’t want anything,” he replies sullenly, still not looking up. “I don’t want to worry about anything else but school at the moment. I don’t want to be thinking about partying or birthdays or whatever.”
This is shocking. My brother loves a party and I’ve heard him talking about his eighteenth for years. I instantly know that I need to step in and help Brandon feel okay again. If this is because of Zane, then it sucks. It’s bad enough that I’m pissed off and hurt because of his actions, without it affecting someone else, my brother.
“Oh, come on, Brandon, it’ll be fun,” I say while resting my hand on his. “You know that you’ll regret it if you don’t do it. You need a good party to celebrate getting so old. I mean, eighteen, come on!”
I laugh loudly, finally dragging his eyes up from his food. Brandon’s face eventually cracks into a weak smile. He doesn’t look happy yet, but at least he’s finally making eye contact. That’s a good sign, right?
“Old?” he shoots back. “You realize that you aren’t far behind, don’t you? You’ll be in this place soon.”
“Yeah, and I’ll be having a kick ass party to celebrate, believe you me! I’ll have everyone here singing happy birthday to me.” I can see myself getting through to him, so I push just that little bit further. “You know that everyone will want to celebrate with you. They all love you! Let everyone sing to you as well.”
He doesn’t talk for a while, but the next thing he says fills me with a deep sense of relief. “You know what? You’re right. We should have a party. It’ll be fun. Are you sure about this, Mom? It might be chaos.”
Mom looks happy too, she gives me a smiling glance, thanking me with her eyes for bringing Brandon around.
“Of course, it’ll be chaos. I’m expecting that. I had an eighteenth birthday party myself once. But I want to do it for you. I don’t get to be around here as much as I’d like to, so this is to make up for that.”
Brandon grins at me, looking happy for the first time in days, and I give him a grin too. I already know that there will be a lot of people at this party, and it’s the first one that I’ll be invited to as well. I can really use it as a way to burst out of my bubble, I can get something amazing to wear and really make the world see me in a different light. Maybe even Zane will see me in a different light, he might finally know that I’m an adult.
No, I remind myself sharply. No, I’m not thinking about Zane. None of this will be for him. This is for me. Nothing I do will ever be for Zane again. I’m forgetting about him, he doesn’t exist to me anymore.
“We should get planning,” Mom says overly happily. “Decide what we’re going to do.”
