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“First off, I wouldn’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” I shoot back coldly. “That’s not really the way to treat someone who’s having a ‘breakdown’. Secondly, maybe you should take a moment to realize that this is my life and I can do what I want with it. Maybe creative writing isn’t the most stable choice, but it’s the one I want to make. Maybe I won’t make it and it’ll backfire, but I’m not asking you to pick up the pieces. I will deal with the consequences of my mistakes. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll create another path for myself.”
“Leah, Mom doesn’t want to hurt you…” Brandon tries to defend her and get us to make up. Unfortunately, it only sounds to me like he’s taking her side again. Temper burns in my ears and makes me want to explode. “We all just want what’s best for you, that’s all. I think Mom is just concerned because it’s a lot of changes all at once. None of us knew that the break up with Patrick was coming, and none of us understand it, and now you’re changing jobs and starting college courses… is this something that you’ve thought through properly?”
I get the impression that Zane is about to jump in to defend me, and much as it’ll be nice to have one person on my side, I can’t let him do it. Mom doesn’t like him, and that’ll make her worse. Also, I have a fear that Brandon might suspect about us and I really don’t want him to find out yet. What me and Zane have at the moment is perfect. I don’t want to do anything that might ruin it. I don’t want to give Zane any reason to run. At the moment, it really doesn’t seem like he’s going to, but too much pressure might set him off.
“You know what?” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “Forget it, all of you. I know what I want to do and I’m going for it. If that’s too much for you then fine, I’ll leave. I’ll find somewhere of my own to live and I’ll make it by myself. I’ll prove to you all that you were wrong to doubt me.”
“Leah, no…” Brandon calls after me, but it’s too late. My legs are pumping and I’m bounding up the stairs to gather up my stuff. I don’t know where I’m going to go, I haven’t planned that far ahead, but I can’t stay here any longer. I can’t be myself here, I’m being judged for trying to do something different for myself, better. Mandi has a couch, I’m sure she’ll let me crash on it for a couple of days until I find somewhere that I can afford. It won’t be easy, trying to do it all, but this has just shown me that I have to try.
Chapter Twenty Six – Zane
A thick, heavy silence clings to the air. There are so many things that I want to say to break it, but none of them will be helpful. Her mom hates me anyway, I don’t think that’s changed at all in the last five years, and Brandon won’t appreciate me sticking up for the one person that he’s explicitly told me to avoid. Maybe if there wasn’t anything to feel guilty about, I would defend Leah, but there definitely is, so I can’t.
“Look, Mom, I don’t know what we can do about Leah without pushing her away completely,” Brandon eventually says in a cool and collected tone of voice. “It’s obvious that she’s going through something at the moment and I’m pretty sure that all we need to do is be there for her. We can’t make her change her mind.”
“What? Even when she’s intent on throwing her life down the toilet? Shouldn’t we do something?”
“She’s twenty one years old, Mom. I don’t think there’s anything we can do. The more we try, the worse…”
“But Patrick, then the job, now this… she’s making herself unhappy. I can’t sit back and watch her do this.”
I ball up my fists by my side, trying to keep my own emotions inside. If only they would see Leah, they’d be able to tell that she’s seriously doing well. All of these changes are finally making her content. I suppose it’s a bit like me and my own parents. They don’t get me either. It’s us against the world. We’re united strongly.
Brandon gives me a look, almost as if he’s asking me for answers which is hard because I have them. My solution would be to leave her alone to make her own choices in life since she needs to live it. But I can’t have an outburst. It’ll be so very suspicious. I almost didn’t come here tonight for the very reason that it would be weird, but Brandon insisted and I didn’t have a valid reason why. I regret that now. I should’ve found an excuse.
“I don’t know, Mom,” he finally sighs in utter defeat. “I don’t have all the answers right now. I guess we just have to wait and see. There’s no point in stressing about it. I’m going to start cooking dinner, if you want some?”
His mom shakes her head and storms out the room without answering him. She’s pissed off, probably because he isn’t immediately taking her side, which seems crazy to me. I never pegged her for the controlling type. Maybe she’s a little bit like my dad, just in a different way, or maybe she just doesn’t want her kids to face issues and she isn’t going about it in the right way. To be honest, I’m done with trying to work people out anymore.
Brandon grabs out the cooking equipment and he bangs it all on the side in temper. I want to say something to make it alright, but family arguments really aren’t my forte. I’m no good at solving my own stuff, never mind that of other people’s. I attempt to help him with the cooking a couple of times, but he keeps pushing me away.
“Shall I go?” I ask him curiously. “I don’t want to be in the way when you have so much going on?”
“No, please don’t. Sorry I’m being a dick, I just find all of this very frustrating.” He hangs his head low. “I feel responsible for everyone and I never know what to do when it’s all kicking off like this. I feel helpless.”
“You’ve always taken on too much,” I reply with a pounding heart. “You have tried to fill in the man of the house role for far too long. Now, you have your own life to worry about. You have Jenny, your work, you know.”
This isn’t just me being selfish and not wanting Brandon to be looming over Leah’s shoulders the entire time, I actually think him focusing on something else will be good for the both of them. I’m sure they could actually have a much closer relationship if he wasn’t like her father all the time. Brother and sister would be better.
“I did take a step back,” he confesses. “When I thought that she was settled, I did, but now it’s all gone to pot and I can’t help but blame myself for
it. If I was more observant I might have known what was going on.”
I guess it’s just lucky at that moment that Jenny walks through the door to take the heat off of me. I don’t know what I can say to Brandon’s suggestion that he intends to be even more involved in Leah’s life because that spells a lot of trouble for her. We’ll never be able to get some time to ourselves to just be.
As Jenny hugs Brandon and they whisper intently to one another, I back away quietly. I’m sure that they’ll be wrapped up in each other for a while which gives me a moment to check on Leah. She looked so upset when she ran away from here, and I want to know what she’s planning to do. When my dad treated me like that, I had to get out. I ran away and made sure that I avoided home until I got my own place. If Leah is planning to do the same thing then I want her to know that she always has a place to stay with me. It won’t exactly be moving in together, there’s no way we can panic about things moving too quickly, it’ll just be me helping her out.
Although, if I’m honest with myself, there’s a smile creeping up on my face at the idea. I like her in my space, she looks good in my little apartment and she brightens it up too. I don’t think that I’d totally hate the idea.
“Leah,” I say quietly as I push the door open to her room, hoping her mom doesn’t hear. “Are you okay?”
Leah spins as she hears me with a fire behind her gaze. Then, without saying even other word, she grabs me. She’s manic, like she doesn’t want to act like herself anymore, and I feel powerless to her. There isn’t any other woman in the world who I would ever give any of the control over to, but with Leah I don’t mind.
She kisses me hard, allowing all the passion to flow through from her mouth, and I mold into the kiss. I know that it’s wrong, all the people that we don’t want to find out about us are in this very house, but she’s needy now. She’s desperate for me and damn it I can’t resist her. The taboo danger of the situation makes it even better.
I grab Leah’s hips roughly and I slam her back against the wall, feeling reminiscent of the party all those years ago. My stomach swirls, the storm grows, I know that I need to feel her everywhere. We get caught up in one another, sweat slicks my skin as I hitch up that gorgeous pencil skirt of hers, and I can feel myself hardening.
Shit, this is wrong, my brain growls. But fuck, it feels so damn good that it hurts.
