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“I could take his resentment if it meant that he was still alive. I could live without him if he was still here to be a father to his son.” She hiccupped her words into my chest as tears filled my eyes.
Some people say that money is the root of all evil. Others say power. Many say religion. But in my experience, it’s guilt. Guilt is cunning and dangerous. It takes over even when you don’t give it permission. Like an oil spill in the ocean it spreads its dark and deadly poison over the surface until it chokes all the life beneath it. It is corrupt, destructive and hateful. Vicious and wicked.
I watched as Jake took a deep breath and silently put the drink down on the kitchen side. His eyes firmly glued to the marbled stone floor as his teeth brutally bit into his bottom lip. His light brown eyes met mine and all I could see was a hurt so deep that it spoke of other much stronger sentiments. He gave me a soft and sad smile even as his hands balled at his sides. He looked at Dorian huddled to my chest, his eyes closing for a moment as she let out another sob, and then he looked back up at me.
“Look after her.” He mouthed before he turned on his heels and reluctantly walked back out.
In that moment I knew beyond any doubt that Jacob Roth was in love with my best friend, and as much as I was glad to be able to comfort her, I knew that it should’ve been him.
Jamie
I’d never really watched anyone sleep before. It always felt too intimate, even with Jenna. More often than not I’d catch up on reading new studies centred around the brain, or I just got up and started my day. I never saw the beauty of watching someone sleep. But I couldn’t bring myself to look away from Quincy. I couldn’t bring myself to get up and leave her alone in our bed.
Our bed.
It felt strangely nice thinking of this bed as ours. Just like her referring to the apartment as home. It made us more real and more us. Although we’d only been an official us for just over a couple of months, in the grand view of things we’d been an us for so much longer. Maybe we hadn’t been getting tangled in between the sheets all that time, but the intimacy we’d had was deeper and went beyond the physical aspects of it.
The conversation with Jenna about me and her, and Quincy, was the tipping point. Maybe admitting it made me as big of an arsehole as I had accused Richard of being. But deep down I had known that the only reason I hadn’t taken things further with Quincy was because of the paperwork. Because I didn’t want to sully myself the same way they had. The reality was that although physically we hadn’t crossed any boundaries, emotionally, Quincy and I, had obliterated them long before Richard and Jenna had. And maybe I should’ve felt guilty about it, but I didn’t. The only thing I felt was sorry that I hadn’t been honest with myself or Jenna. I was sorry that it’d taken me so long to let go of my pride and stubbornness and that because of it I’d missed out on all that time with Quincy.
Jenna was right, the moment we got here and I was faced with Quincy, things changed. The moment I laid eyes on her again I didn’t look at Jenna the same way again. All the feelings that had felt big and real shrunk in comparison to how I felt just being next to Quincy, and as much as I berated Richard for betraying me with my wife, I’d already done it to him with his. I stopped being his friend long before he stopped being mine. Maybe watching him get too close to other women spurred me on. Maybe knowing that he didn’t appreciate the amazing woman he had made it easier for me to tell myself that I was just looking out for her. The truth was that it was none of those things. The bottom line was that Quincy and I were meant for each other and if things hadn’t happened the way they had, then we would’ve ended up crossing every boundary like they had. Sooner or later we wouldn’t have been able to fight it any longer.
Lately I kept asking myself why I hadn’t stayed here instead of going to the States. I’d always wanted to be the best. It wasn’t the career or the money or even the reputation and exaltation. Those were never the focus of my drive, they were never important. It was being the best so I could save lives. That was all I’d ever wanted—the chance to make a difference to people who needed it. To give them the best shot at the best life they could have.
Maybe Jake was right, I did have a saviour complex. That’s why I’d gone halfway across the world. To be the best, I needed to learn from the best. Talent is only part of the artillery, you also need experience, deference, respect and regard. Experience enhances talent, deference allows you to see deeper, respect for your patient gives you tenacity, and regard for life keeps you focused and expedient.
I needed all those things to become the person I am today. I needed to learn and hone every single one of them to become more than just me.
And I wanted to be more, so much more, for her and for Molly and Pippa.
I’d been a shit husband, but I would never allow myself to follow suit when it came to being a father. Or when it came to loving Quincy. She and our girls are my everything.
“Stop thinking. I can hear your cogs turning in my sleep. It’s not even light yet.” She rolled onto her back. The soft light from the bedside lamp making the golden halo of hair surrounding her glow. She opened her eyes lazily, her gaze softening into a slow smile as she looked up at me. “What time is it?”
I wriggled down the bed onto my side, taking in her profile as I turned her to face me. “It’s early. You should still be sleeping all the wine off.” Her lips curved up into a sheepish smile as her small hands traced up my torso.
“How early?” She whispered.
Her breathing was a little short and breathy and its warmth spreading over my skin was just magnificent.
“Just gone five.” I replied as I cupped her jaw, running my thumb over her bottom lip.
Her half-lidded gaze closed as I caressed down her jaw to her neck, my thumb pressing its way down to the hollow of her throat.
Her breath snagged on a languid exhale and her eyes lazily opened to mine.
“The girls will be out for the count for at least another two maybe three hours.” She scooted closer as her thigh hooked onto my waist. “I still haven’t given you your present yet.”
“I haven’t given you yours either, but you can go first.” I liked where she was going with her eyes and her hands.
She smiled at me as she purposefully bit her lip. Her fingers trailed lightly over my chest to the light scruff on my jaw. The feel of her hands on me never getting old. Never losing its thrill. Never dulling its power.
“It’s nothing really.” She shrugged as she pushed me onto my back and straddled me. My eyes instantly fixating on the way her nightie exposed her plump and generous boobs. “You know…my eyes are up here.” She lowered her chest to mine making sure our eyes met.
“I know, but mine are on these…” I dragged her up my body before I buried my face in her breasts. She squirmed, laughing as I blew a raspberry on one fleshy mound. “Shhhhh, you’re going to wake the girls up.”
She sat up, her thighs straddling my torso. “We should lock the door.”
“I thought you locked it last night?”
