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“You haven’t answered my question. What happened today?” Unlike I expected, her voice was soft, she rested her hand on top of mine as I continued holding her other tightly.
“I don’t know.” I looked down at the marled black and grey carpet lining the cab floor. Her black heeled feet were tucked between mine. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel so angry. It’s like I want to burn everything down around me. I want to hurt everything.”
She ran her hand from mine up my arm to my shoulder.
“I don’t know what to do with all this stuff bursting inside me, Quincy.” I sighed, my eyes glued to the soft creamy skin on her neck. “How do you do it?”
She shrugged as she rolled her lips between her teeth.
“I had to tell a family today that they couldn’t take their child home with them. I was only meant to make sure that it was nothing serious, like their consult had said, but instead I had to tell them that their son was…” My breath caught around the lump in my throat and my whole body shivered.
“Is it terminal?” She looked at me, alarm bright in her eyes.
“I don’t know.” I breathed out. “I saved a child in the morning and damned one in the afternoon.”
“No. You didn’t. You found the problem and now you’re going to do your damned best to fix it. That’s what you do, Jamie. That’s who you are.” She shook her head. “We’ll figure it out. It may be nothing of consequence.”
“I’ve seen those fuckers before. Even if I take it out, it’ll keep coming back.”
The taxi came to a stop. The bright lights from the hospital sign filling the back of the car with fluorescent red and white light. She let go of my hand and gathered her bag, picking up Pippa’s Ballerina Ragdoll from under it. She pulled down her black leather pencil skirt that had bunched around the middle of her thighs and stepped out into the cold.
I paid the driver and followed her. The clacking of her stiletto heels pulling me in behind her as we walked all the way to the staff room in silence.
The corridors were busy and heaving like every other Friday night. In a way it was a relief because I needed something to keep me going. To keep my head from overthinking everything and my anger from simmering.
I touched my ID to the security reader and pushed the door. It was like something came over me. One minute I was holding myself together and the next I blew. I didn’t even notice that Quincy had opened the stupid door and shoved me into the staff room.
That fucking door and this fucking card!
“You need to stop this before you completely lose the plot.” She dropped her bag on the bench and stuffed the Ragdoll she’d been clutching in it. “Stop thinking about all the things that are useless to think about. You’ve had a shit day. We’ve all been there,” She took her coat off, threw it on top of her bag and faced me.
She was so close I could make out the skin coloured lace of her bra under the stretched ivory cotton of her blouse.
“Believe me, I know how you feel, but you need to pull yourself together and push.”
“That sounds familiar.” I dragged my eyes to hers, pausing for a moment on her soft mauve lips.
She smiled and cupped my cheek, “Some wise guy told me that when I needed a swift kick up the arse.”
“Sounds like he had no clue.” I put my hand on hers.
“Don’t let it drown you, Jamie.” She sighed. “You’re too good for that.”
We stood there just breathing. I could feel myself unwind before she jumped back and snatched her hand away as someone walked in.
“Jamie…Quincy…”
“Raj.” We greeted him at the same time.
I put my lab coat on as I stole a little glimpse back at her. Her cheeks were a little blushed and her teeth worried her bottom lip.
“I’ll see you around?”
“Maybe, I’ve got a tonne of paperwork and the wards are quiet, so I think I’m just going to sit in the Paed’s A&E with Beth and catch up on all the admin.”
“Thanks.” I said quietly as she stopped in front of me tying her hair up into a ponytail.
“Anytime.” She smiled as her teeth sank into her bottom lip. Her head tilting to the side. “Do me a favour?”
