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“Let me take that off your hands,” West said as he took the bag and walked toward the kitchen. “I’ll make sure the cinnamon rolls taste okay.” He was attempting to lighten the mood, but neither of us smiled.
“I’m so sorry,” she said simply.
I was too. “Yeah,” I managed to say.
“I wish I could do something…,” she said, her eyes so full of sorrow that I wished there was something I could ask for, but I had nothing. No one could do anything.
“You brought food. I appreciate it,” I said.
She sighed. “That was my momma. If I’d made it, no one would want it.”
Her small remark caused the corner of my lip to almost turn up. I missed her.
“I would,” I told her.
She grinned then. “No. Trust me. You wouldn’t.”
“Tell your mom I said thank you. It will all be eaten within hours. I’ll have to go hide some for me before the others get back.” I hadn’t talked this much since I’d gotten the call. Ezmita made me feel better. Just seeing her helped.
I was tired of fighting it. I was tired of putting space between us. Right now I didn’t have the energy to worry about her being hurt. I just wanted her here with me.
“Can you stay?” I asked her.
She hesitated and I didn’t blame her. She should think about it.
“Of course,” she replied.
West walked back into the room with a half-eaten cinnamon roll in his hand. “I’m going to head over to Brady’s house and get Maggie. If you’re staying with him, that is,” West said, acting like he needed to go somewhere. I knew what he was doing and I appreciated it. “It was nice to meet you, Ezmita,” he said, then squeezed my shoulder. “I got my phone. Call me.”
I nodded and then he left the apartment.
“Did I run him off?” she asked after the door closed.
“Not exactly,” I told her. “He did make everyone else leave earlier. He liked you.”
She smiled and then dropped it quickly. “I’d have come sooner had I known.”
Telling people had been Nash’s job. I hadn’t been very talkative. “I’ve not been the best company.”
She reached out and squeezed my hand. “You aren’t supposed to be. I’ll stay, but we don’t have to talk unless you want to. I can sit in silence. It doesn’t bother me. I’m here for you.” Then she stepped forward and her arms wrapped around me. I hadn’t been expecting a hug. I returned the embrace and buried my face in her hair. Emotion clogged my throat again.
I needed her.
I might not be what she needed or deserved, but I needed her.
She’d saved me once, and here she was again giving me the support no one else could. My life was so messed up and uncertain. I doubted I’d ever speak to my father again. I had no home. My mother was gone. All I knew was I would be leaving in a week and a half for Mississippi. I couldn’t make any promises to Ezmita, but I wanted to. I wanted to make promises to her and I wanted to keep them.
Pulling back, I looked down at her. “If I—if things were different. If my life was normal. We… we could be more.” I wasn’t sure if that even made sense. I was struggling for the right way to explain things.
She tilted her head to the side and a sad smile briefly touched her lips, but she said nothing.
“I wish it were different,” I told her.
She reached out and squeezed my hand with her small one. “I believe people come into our lives at times when they’re most needed. Some are meant to stay and others aren’t.”
I didn’t like the way she had said it.
“I don’t think I’ve stopped needing you,” I told her.
“I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about me,” she said.
I was confused. What did she mean by that? How had she needed me? “You were the one there for me.”
“Don’t underestimate yourself. I needed you, too.” She didn’t elaborate.
We didn’t talk about it anymore. Ezmita beat me at Madden. We ate tamales, then cinnamon rolls. I told Ezmita about my mom when she asked me my best memory of her. I had many, and I found talking about her helped. There was no kissing or making out. Three hours later, her mother texted that she was needed at the store.
I hugged her and thanked her for coming. I hated how it felt like good-bye. I wasn’t sure why because I wasn’t leaving yet. There was a sadness to her walking out the door. I couldn’t keep her even if she was the only happiness I felt anymore.
JULY 23, 2020 Why Are You Here?
CHAPTER 38
EZMITA
Other than one text yesterday from Asa saying that he missed me, I hadn’t heard from him. The desire to go running over there was strong, but we had said it all two days ago. He’d been honest in telling me that just because we had sex, we weren’t going to be anything more than we already were. I’d expected that, but it had still hurt.
