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How pathetic was I?
But everything was so good. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me… he had never talked about a relationship, never told me I meant something to him, but I was with him. I felt his lust, his passion, his need for me. His caresses told me what his words didn’t.
I still felt him on my body, his kisses on my skin. The desperate need in his thrusts. How he made me look at him before I came, how he kissed me deeply, intensely before he released inside me.
An invisible hand was wrapped around my neck tightly. Another one was holding my heart in a tight cage.
I couldn’t breathe.
“Miss? Do you need anything?” the driver asked me. He must have been scared of the sounds that came from my throat.
“No… right from here,” I gave him directions.
When I was finally at home, I didn’t have any strength and I slid down against the door. The tears were falling down uncontrollably, the pain around my heart was unmanageable.
“Melody? Oh my God, Melody?!?
?? Becca kneeled next to me, pushing my hair back from my face, “What happened? Damn! Okay… breathe, honey… breathe… I’m here. You’ll get through this... whatever it is, everything will be okay, I promise,” she tried to console me, repeating the same words again and again till there were no more tears I could shed, no more painful sounds my throat could make.
“Can we get up from this hard floor now?” she groaned jokingly when my breaths turned back to normal.
“Yeah,” I chocked, my throat was on fire.
“Okay, you’re going to take a shower, I’ll make you chamomile tea and then, you’ll get a good rest. We’ll take care of everything, okay?” she said, lifting me up from the floor both literally and emotionally.
In the bathroom, I fought with myself –one part of me didn’t want to wBecca him from my body. It was only an hour ago he touched me with passion, looked into my eyes with the same intensity that turned me to putty in his arms, the same intensity that heated up my body immediately. Only an hour ago, he whispered to me how good I felt, how he couldn’t get enough of me, how he wanted time to stop while he was inside me. This part was crying inside me, telling me everything was real and that I meant something to him.
But another part of me wanted to skin me alive to get rid of his scent, his touches on my flesh. This part wanted to rip my heart apart to get him out of it, that part screamed at me for being stupid.
Between the two strong parts of me, I only cried, supporting myself on the shower wall, I let the water diminish the fire inside me.
I was exhausted when I got out, didn’t even have the strength to put my clothes on. Padding to the living room, I curled into a ball on the couch in my bathrobe. Becca came into the room with my tea, the smell surrounded the room, relaxing my senses.
“Head up, sweet girl,” Becca said, sitting on the couch, letting me put my head on her thighs.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she whispered, caressing my hair.
Taking a deep breath, I whispered, “I don’t mean anything to him.”
“That guy? Kellan?”
Even hearing his name was like trying to sleep on shattered glasses. But I nodded anyway.
She sighed.
“What will you do about that?” she asked, “Drink this,” she added, pointing the cup on the coffee table.
Sitting up, I grabbed my tea cup, sipping it as I thought about her question.
“I have no idea what I should do…”
“Will you continue working for him?”
“I don’t know, I like working there… I love what I’m doing there. This is the closest thing to my dreams,” I started, taking a deep breath I continued with certainty, “I won’t quit my job, if I still have one.”
“I support this, but what about seeing him every day? I don’t want to see you come home crying each day, Mel,” she said.
“I should have never let this thing carry on. He was supposed to be a one-time thing, he should have stayed that way. Seeing him…” I sighed, “This will be the consequence of my stupidity, I think.”
