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“Then you made your decision, honey. You know I’m always here to support you, but just in case…good luck!”
Walking into the building of Hawke Architecture, I wasn’t feeling like myself. I wasn’t even sure if I was feeling anything at all. The elevator was taking me to the fifteenth floor, but I felt like I was falling, spiraling down into a black pit. The only thing that kept me conscious of the moment was the heat from the coffee cup in my hand –his coffee, black, like my world.
Lifting my chin up, I knocked on his door before entering in. From the corner of my eye, I saw he was surprised to see me, his frown was in place, but I didn’t make eye contact with him before I was ready.
I put his coffee on the table, “Good morning, Mr. Hawke. You have one meeting today, at eleven am. It could run over until lunch break, do you want me to make snacks ready in the conference room?” I told him, in cold professionalism.
“Melod-” he started, but I made eye contact with him. That shut him up.
“Do you need snacks ready, Mr. Hawke?” I repeated, emphasizing every word so he knew all I meant was business.
“Yes, Mel… Miss Crown,” he answered, looking like he ate something nasty. His troubled expression should have made me happy, but it didn’t. It put a lump in my throat.
“Is that all, Mr. Hawke?” I asked, taking a step back to go out.
“Yes, Miss Crown.”
Turning on my heels, I opened the door, but he stopped me just before I could leave his space, “Melody…” he rasped.
His one word held pain, desperation, but I refused to try and make sense of his unspoken communication anymore. I didn’t turn back, but he didn’t continue. Sighing, I looked over my shoulder, “What, Mr. Hawke?” I snapped.
He looked at me, the same pained expression was in his gaze, but I held my ground. Swallowing before schooling his expression, “I need you… in that meeting. That’s all,” he said and dismissed me by turning to his computer.
Looking out of the window I took deep breaths to settle my feelings. Just a few minutes ago I was in a daze, like a robot, feeling nothing at all and after seeing him, my insides turned to needles. Every breath hurt me.
I was feeling used… not by him, but by my emotions toward him. He had never been boyfriend material yet I let my lust blind me and I got carried away by turning a simple attraction into love. We were never right for each other. I was just a hopeless romantic who tried to be wild for one night, who jumped out of her comfort zone and found herself in his path, the guy who was after one thing only: a good lay. We should have been just that, one wild night, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting him, falling for his deadly charm, getting attached to him… in the hopes of making him change, forcing us to be together. Our experience ended, we only prolonged it. I couldn’t see a happy ending for this, there wasn’t one and yet I fooled myself by fantasizing about it.
And now, this was my punishment –every time I saw him would hurt me.
I hated him for not being right for me, but I still loved him with every fiber of my being. I loved how he made me fall for him in a short amount of time.
I hated him for ruining me for the next person that I would come into my life. I knew I could never put anyone above him, I knew for the rest of my life I would compare everyone to him.
Wiping away the single tear that found its way from my eye, I turned back to focus on my music academy project. I was polishing the details on my previous draft. The meeting we would attend in a few hours was our next project, I wanted this one to be done by then… also, drawing took my mind off him… for a few minutes at least.
My office phone rang, “Hawke Architecture, Melo-” I started as usual, but he interrupted me, “Bring me the Turner files, please.”
I was pretty sure that I put those files on his desk yesterday, before everything happened. But since he didn’t even wait for my reply I checked the file cabinet, just in case. I didn’t want to go to his office, seeing his face wasn’t easy, especially as he still looked at me with the same intensity. But I knew that wasn’t an option, when I decided to keep working for him this was what I agreed to.
I headed to his office, schooling my expression to look professional instead of looking like a miserable ex.
“Where are the files I wanted?” he said when he saw me empty handed, but he didn’t look angry or irritated. He looked… careless about the files.
“They must be on your desk, Mr. Hawke. I left them here yesterday,” I said, not going closer to him so I could make an easy escape.
“They aren’t here,” he insisted. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself smiling. He looked like a grumpy kid, “Find it… please.” he mumbled.
Sighing, I walked closer to his desk, making sure I put the desk between us. Even feeling his gaze on my body was unnerving, exciting, and painful at the same time. Being this close to him, knowing that I could have him yet I would never mean an
ything to him was the biggest complication of the moment. The files were on his desk… not even under something. It was clearly just in front of his eyes.
“It’s here,” I said, confused.
“Okay,” he said like this was all normal.
“Well, then,” I sighed, shaking my head.
“Are you working on your project?” he asked as I was about to leave his office.
