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“Melody…” he whispered.
I turned on the shower, not facing him, “Fuck!” he gasped with the sudden whiplash of cold water. I grabbed the shampoo from the shelf on the shower wall, still not giving him an answer. I hoped he forgot that already, because I knew my answer, I knew that no matter what the reason or outcome would be I would have accepted him.
As I massaged his head, I liked how he leaned into my touch. He was just like a small kid under my touch, but the semi-hardness between his legs wasn’t fooling me.
“I was afraid of relationships, commitment, and everything that comes with it,” he murmured out of the blue.
“Why?” I whispered.
“I thought my parents loved each other so damn much, but even they couldn’t make it… even their love had vanished. I thought this, but I was wrong…” he mumbled. I hardly made out his words.
“Because it was all a lie. We might not be like them,” he whispered, more to himself than me.
I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t even know if he was really thinking about these things or if this was the alcohol talking. Instead of replying to him, I focused on rinsing the soap out of his hair.
“Let’s put you to bed,” I said, quickly toweling myself as he brushed his teeth. That made me smile, even when he was drunk he was in control of the situation. His eyes were fixed on mine all the time when I started to dry him.
“I missed you,” he groaned as I toweled his body. He was rock hard by the time I was done.
“Me too,” I whispered before I could stop myself, but it was enough to make him turn around to wrap his arms around me. His mind was dizzy, though, before he could hug me to his chest he lost his balance. We were both laughing mess on the bathroom floor, hugging each other.
Finally, after a few minutes I could manage to convince him to go to bed. Dressed, I helped him lay down on the bed and left him to get him some water and painkillers.
He was already asleep when I returned.
“Kel
lan,” I whispered, lifting him enough to drink a glass of water. The moment he placed his head back to bed, his eyes were closed again.
“Don’t leave me,” were his last words before he fell asleep.
I contemplated my options. I didn’t want to leave him like this… not that I was worried about his situation, he was so much better than I thought he would be. But I wasn’t ready to leave him, I didn’t know if he would be like this in the morning. I didn’t know if he would still be desperate for me to forgive him. I knew I was just opening the wound again if he changed his mind later, but I couldn’t help it. The longing for him was willing to get every little piece of happiness if that meant I could wake up in his arms.
So… I stayed.
I fell asleep without crying for the first time in days.
I left Kellan’s home the moment sun showed itself. He was wrapped around me like an ivy when I woke up. Leaving him behind was so hard, but my mind was a mess after seeing him like that last night. I needed to gather my thoughts in order and be sure about his sincerity. I needed comfort to think clearly and there was only one place on earth able to give it to me.
I refused to think about anything as taxi took me to my destination. Knocking on the door I waited patiently till the door opened. Mom was shocked when she saw me, but she was even more shocked when my first words were, “Mom, can you make carrot balls?”
Carrot balls were my comfort food. Whenever I felt down or whenever I was sick that was the only thing that made me happy. It was my mom’s special recipe… for only special occasions like this. It was my childhood, my happy memories and I needed them right now… I needed comfort to make a decision, focus on myself so I could find what made me happy.
“Aww, of course I can make it, sweetie. Why don’t you go sit on the porch back there?” she offered, trying to mask her surprise.
“Are you okay?” she asked, concern was dripping from her voice.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” Mom sat beside me on the porch.
“Nothing, Mom,” I shrugged, turning my gaze back to the blue bird that came to drink water from the small fountain.
“I know my daughter, Melody. I’m your mother, I can see when something is bothering you. You’ve lost the light in your eyes and let’s not forget that you wanted carrot balls. What is it? Is it about a guy?” she insisted.
I didn’t know how to tell her, but I wanted to talk to her. I missed our mother-daughter conversations. I needed the comfort only she could give me.
“Yeah…” I whispered.
“Tell me. I promise I won’t ask too many questions,” she winked at me.
