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“Answer me!” he dug his nails to my skin more.
I tried to free myself from his hold, but it was impossible. All his weight was on me as he straddled my legs and pushed his arm over my ribs.
“Let me go!” I screamed.
“Wrong answer, Cupcake,” he hissed, pulling my hair, causing my neck to be in a strange angle, “You can make everything so much easy on you. Let’s try again. Do you understand?”
I hated him, I hated my weakness.
I spit on his face, enjoyed the momentary satisfaction it caused me.
“You fucking whore!” he shouted, pulling me up by my hair, “You’ll regret this. You’ll regret disrespecting me!”
He lifted his weight off me and turned me face down before I could make a move. Blindly, I tried to kick, but my attempts didn’t succeed. He straddled my hips, freeing my hair and gripping my arms instead. He tied my arms to the head post with cable ties. The more I struggled the more the ties were biting my skin. He tied my legs from my ankles without stopping the pressure of his weight on me.
“You fucking bastard! Let me go! What will you do? Are you going to rape me again?” I screamed. My voice was muffled, the position I was in made it difficult to keep my head up for long.
He fisted my hair again, crooked my neck back till I couldn’t even breathe.
“When I’m done with you, you’ll beg me to fuck you. I will be the only thought in your head, I’ll be your entire world and you’ll be mine until I toss you away,” he whispered, licking the shell of my ear in a sick way, making my stomach clench in disgust.
“I will never want you. I will never be yours. I hate you!” I screamed as loud as the pain in my throat allowed me to.
He laughed cruelly, causing my body to shudder. Trying to see him when he stood up next to the bed, I shrieked when he grabbed my t-shirt and ripped it apart.
No… please, no…
I wasn’t only afraid of him raping me, I was mostly afraid of my reaction after last time. I knew I was under the spell of whatever drug he gave me, but no matter what he made me come and that didn’t make sense in the concept of rape. Guilt washed over me just by thinking about it.
A sigh of relief escaped my throat when he didn’t come near where I was on the bed. He moved back where I couldn’t see him. But my relief faded away with the sudden pain on my back. He hit me with something –a belt, a whip, I wasn’t sure, but it hurt like hell.
“This is your fault… this pain,” he groaned and hit me again, “You could’ve easily save yourself from it,” he said before hitting again.
“Please, stop!” I sobbed.
“This is your lesson, think twice before disobeying me. And if you try to run away from me again, I won’t be this gentle,” he threatened me, hitting my back once more. I could feel warm liquid on my back, knowing he broke the skin there.
“If you obey me, please me, and be a good girl for me you won’t need to worry about feeling pain, being hungry or dirty,” he told me, caressing my head like he hadn’t just hit me till I was drown into the sea of pain.
“You must be hungry, right? But now, after your little show you’ll stay that way,” he continued.
With the mention of hunger my stomach growled, pointing that he was right, but I refused to accept it.
“Think, Angel. Being like this, naked, dirty and hungry –just like a street animal. Think hard if this is the life you want for yourself. You can do better than that, Cupcake. You can make me happy so I can take care of you,” he said and locked the door behind him, leaving me tied down, helpless.
I just wanted to die.
January 19, 2014–Day 3
My wrists were bleeding, cable ties cut them every time I tried to pull my hands in hope of getting free. How could a simple object like a cable tie be a strong enemy?
Finally I gave up on trying, my sobs turned to silent tears. My stomach clenched in hunger, but I was glad there was nothing in it that could try to come out because of the stench of my own pee.
I couldn’t believe what I got myself into… just for a story. I should’ve run away, quit my job the moment I felt danger in that club. Because of my stupidity and stubbornness this was my reality now. Tied down to a bed in this cold room, naked, with blood stuck on my back and my arms, lying on my own piss. A sob broke free from my chest, guilt washed over me.
I wondered if Dawn noticed my absence, if she was as miserable as me. I hoped the photos reached her and she could solve my message in them. I wanted her to find me, but then… who was I to pull her into this mess? I was her only family. There was no one else to us than each other, yet I left her for a stupid purpose. The guilt was like a fire rising up inside me, turning everything on its path to ashes. Gasping and panting, I tried to breathe through my pain and tears.
The emotional pain was so much more than the physical one, the guilt was so much harder to deal with than my current situation.
