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She had made so much progress since the day I brought her here, but she wasn’t mine yet. Her body was mine. Her mind was mine, but I wanted her soul and her heart, too. I would never stop before I owned her whole existence.
I spent lots of years having nothing for myself.
I spent my years on a big fucking lie.
I lived in hell for the woman I thought was my mother. But she wasn’t MY mother.
I had been forced to get pleasure from situations that were wrong. The pleasure was never MINE.
I spent lots of years with the name of Michael Lane because my father was ashamed of me, because my father didn’t give me the money I had every right of using if I used his last name. Even my name wasn’t MINE.
And I was done with all of these things.
I took my life in my own hands and I was making whatever and whoever I want MINE.
And I wanted her to be mine. MY Angel, MY whore, MY woman… all MINE.
March 17, 2014–New Life: Day 15
I woke up to the voices; one of them belonged to Mike and the other belonged to another man, but I couldn’t recall the voice even though I found it familiar. I sat up and winced at the tautness in my neck. Rubbing the end of my neck slowly I walked toward Mike’s study. The door was ajar so I could see them.
Mike was tense, I could easily say it with one look at him. His scar was more pronounced, the angry red tissue was jumping at attention. His shoulders looked broader as he stood on guard. His eyes were throwing daggers at the man in front of him.
I looked at the other man. I could only see his profile from where I was, but there was something familiar about him. I remembered hearing his voice before. His hair color was similar to Mike’s, but slightly more in place even though he looked like a mixture of rebel and formal.
“The police have visited the club, Mike. Twice. You’re putting the club at stake. I am sick of your bullshit! I shouldn’t have listened to my dad and gotten you out of that clinic. I should have kept you locked in that mad house. I shouldn’t be bothered with your fucked up shit.” The man exploded.
“Lower your voice, William. If I go down you’re coming with me. I know every dirty little secret you’re running in that club and if you don’t have my back then your ass is in danger,” Mike growled. His voice was low but full of threat. I wanted to crawl in a corner with fear.
“I know!” William shouted, but he continued with calmer voice, “Stop rubbing it on my face. Whether I like it or not we’re brothers, but you need to be more careful.”
“Girls come and go to the club, Will. That always happens. No one will find anything,” Mike said, nonchalant.
“Her sister is suspicious of the club!”
“She has a sister?”
“Yes, you fucking psychopath! She has a sister and she is blaming the club for her disappearance.”
“Have you seen her? Do you know anything about her? I can take her out and problem solved.” A strangled voice escaped from my throat with Mike’s threatening tone, I immediately put my hand on my mouth, hoping they didn’t hear me.
Dawn…
Dawn was looking for me.
I wanted to run and find my sister. I wanted to warn her about the danger and to tell her that she should stop looking for me.
My secret note…
Had she found it?
I wanted to hurt myself for being so selfish. She shouldn’t have been in danger, she shouldn’t have known anything about the club.
Guilty… guilty… guilty…
Selfish… selfish… selfish…
I fell down to the floor, rocking back and forth; I didn’t even notice I was crying till the tears wetted my bent knees. Same words were chanting in my mind: Guilty, selfish.
