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“Take this file. Ruin it or hide it, it’s up to you. But if the police would have found that we would both have been arrested today,” I heard William say.
I felt excitement soar in my veins for the first time for a long while; it was alive, awakening, and thrilling. There was a desire that pushed me to have that file and read it. I stood up and ran toward the couch in the living room. My eyes were focused on the door they were in. William opened the door and waited for Mike to come out with him, but his eyes were on me as Mike put the file on his desk. I fought with the urge to run toward that file and grab it from the desk. I wanted to know what that file said about Mike. I wanted to know more and more about him. There was a bell ringing at the back of my mind, warning me of danger and darkness, but I wasn’t scared, I was excited.
During my stay with Mike, I started to like darkness and what it could bring me. I remember the time I was afraid of Mike, even angry at him, but that was before. Now, I was just getting off with the idea of seeing the beast inside him. Seeing his eyes go darker, his face slips off of the mask and becomes animalistic as he fucks me was my favorite time, my favorite show to watch. I came many times screaming his name when he turned into that beast in front of me.
I wasn’t terrified of that beast anymore. I craved the beast inside him, I desired the pain he could deliver to me and I wanted to feel that delicious euphoria of his filthy caresses on my body with the leather or with his cum or whatever he saw fit.
“Try not to ruin her so fast. The club won’t handle another disappearance right now.” I heard Will say to Mike, but I couldn’t comprehend what he meant.
“Mind your own business, bro,” Mike snapped at him. His eyes were on me and I liked the intensity of his gaze, the softness merged with the underlying lust.
Will didn’t know what he was talking about. He thought Mike was ruining me.
Ruin? Such a strange choice of word.
Mike wasn’t ruining me… he was saving me.
Doctor’s Office–February 1, 2016
“Do you think he saved you?” CC’s voice was soft, sterile from all emotion and judgment.
I looked out of the window. It was sunny outside and all I could see was green. Was this place hidden in a forest?
“Angel?” I turned my eyes to the doctor.
What did she asked? Ah…
“Yes, of course he saved me.”
“Very well… can you tell me what exactly did he save you from?”
What kind of stupid question that was?!
“Didn’t you listen to what I’ve been telling you?” I wanted to roll my eyes and snap at her for her stupid questions, but my voice kept being robotic and my body was stoic.
“I listened to you very carefully, Angel. I just don’t want to miss any details on the things you told me,” she said with a small smile.
“He saved me from drugs, from that room…” I trailed off with the sudden pain of losing him. He saved me from everything yet I lost him, he wasn’t here with me anymore.
“I thought you said he was the one who put you in that room, he was the one who gave you drugs,” she said. Was her voice daring, challenging or was it me?
I turned my head back to the window and focused on the trees, trying to count them. “That was different,” I answered her irrelevantly. She didn’t understand and she didn’t seem like she would understand anytime soon.
“People are strange,” I blurted out, but it got her attention. Her eyes sparkled with interest that I willingly told her something aside from answering her questions.
“Yes, they are. Care to elaborate why you’re thinking like that, Angel?”
“They think they know everything about what is right and what is wrong. People think there is only black and white in the world. People expect you to act, feel, think in a certain way. But it’s not like that. It never is.” Even though my thoughts sounded passionate my voice was indifferent, stoic, and robotic.
“They advise you to be strong, keep your head high…” They expect me to not love him, instead hate him, I thought but didn’t tell her that. “They frown on you if you do something they don’t agree with and they will never understand you till that happens to them.”
CC was playing with the pen between her fingers. “Yes, being in someone’s shoes makes the whole difference.”
“If they’re not in my shoes and if they are assuming I should act or feel at the certain way and if I don’t… does that make me guilty, wrong, sick? Does that give them the right to judge?”
“Is that how you feel? Like you’re being judged?”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing here? Judging me, trying to understand what kind of fucked up I am?”
