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And I screamed… I screamed until no sound came out.
I screamed until the strikes of his belt transformed from pain to sick satisfaction.
I screamed until my arousal mixed with the blood dripping from my back.
And I screamed… until I heard him sob.
And I didn’t stop till he wrapped his arms around me and handed me to a strange relief of sleep.
March 27, 2014–New Life: Day 25
Days passed by in a screaming mess. Mike was punishing me until we both were wasted and then he was taking care of me – cleaning my wounds, hugging me till my sobs stopped.
My wrists were bleeding, shattered by the ropes around them. My voice was raspy because of my screams. My back hurt like a bitch; it felt like I was sleeping on a shuttered glass. My muscles were taut, screaming for me to move, but I was in no state of doing so; I was too tired and too in pain for anything else but breathing.
My mind was confused – I didn’t know if I should be angry at him for punishing me or scared of the man he was or be grateful that he didn’t kill me.
I kept repeating the same two sentences, mostly as a whisper.
“You’re a monster.”
/> “Please hold me close.”
*****
I opened my eyes when I felt the movement. I was in his arms, free of the ropes but too tired to move or care. His arms were causing fresh stings of the wounds on my back I bit my lip to stop myself protesting.
Where is he taking me?
“I loved you. I took care of you, but you betrayed me,” he whispered, planting kisses on my temple. “I did all the things you’ve read in the file, and even worse…but they all deserved it. They ruined me, betrayed me, fooled me. They took everything I had from my hands.” He was looking into my eyes, but I could see he was somewhere else, somewhere distant. I gasped when his focus turned back to me. “Why did you betray me? Why did you run behind my back when all I do is take care of you and trust you?”
The guilt suddenly weighted on me, rooted itself in my stomach, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I didn’t know if I should feel this guilt. I didn’t know if I should feel sad that I disappointed him. I didn’t know if these were the normal emotions I should feel, but I was feeling all of them. I was hurting by his sadness, I was upset because of the disappointment in his eyes, and I was feeling guilty that I snooped around.
Will he kill me now?
Did he decide I’m not worth it?
“Mike… please… I’m sorry.” My voice wasn’t above a whisper, but even that hurt my throat enough to fill my eyes with tears.
“Are you really sorry?” he whispers, standing still in the hallway.
“Yes. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Don’t kill me, please,” I sobbed.
“Do you think I’m gonna kill you?”
I tried to search his face for a clue, hoping he would show me what he was planning to do, but there was nothing. “I… I don’t know.”
“You still think I’m a monster. You don’t understand.” He shook his head and continued walking.
“No! Mike, no. I don’t think you’re a monster. They’ve done you wrong. I get it. I will be good, I promise. Please, Mike.” I was talking non-stop. My voice was coming out whizzing but I didn’t care. I was really sorry that I disappointed him and I hold onto that part of me, letting the protesting part of me free.
“Will you? Will you be good for me?” he asked.
Nodding, I whispered, “Yes, Mike. I promise. I will be however you want me to be. Just keep me, please.”
He stopped, placing me on my feet but still keeping his hold on me tight. I didn’t protest, I didn’t fight; I just let him place me the way he wanted. He pushed me till my back hit the wall and I bit my lip to cry out in pain.
His eyes were locked on mine as he wrapped one hand around my throat. His other hand traced a line from my collarbone to my breast. He grazed his nail around my areola and I sucked in a breath whenever his nail touched my nipple.
