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“Stop,” he rasped. “I don’t know what you’re doing, but stop,” he added in almost pleading way.
And I knew I won another piece of his cold heart.
I knew I won another invisible battle between us.
April 20, 2015 – Unexpected guest
“Angel? Where are you?” I heard Mike’s voice, but couldn’t answer as my stomach tried to leave my body.
What the hell is that?
Damn omelet… I knew it tasted funny this morning even though Mike argued it didn’t.
Flushing the toilet I sat to the edge of the bath to get my breathing under control. Finally, I checked the cabinets for mouthwash and saw my period schedule. Since I had no permission to any electronic devices I kept my dates old style. I was late…again, but this time it was almost two months which is the longest and the weirdest.
Call it a gut feeling or just a realization, but I stopped dead on my tracks and I just knew it. I knew I wasn’t wrong.
Mike opened the bathroom door before I could school my emotions and I was terrified. Everything was going great. It was months the last time he was rude to me or hurt me. He was changing, but I didn’t think he was ready for this news yet I couldn’t keep it to myself either.
“What happened?”
“We need to get a pregnancy test,” I blurted out and before I could see his reaction the darkness took me in.
*****
When I opened my eyes I saw Mike was pacing in the room like a madman. He handed me five packages of tests without telling me a word. I didn’t dare making a sound and with robotic movements I went to the bathroom. I thought he would have followed me, but he didn’t. He only came in when I lined all five sticks in front of the mirror. We waited in silence and I reached for the first stick when the time came even when I was scared as hell.
One was enough to let me know the result, but I checked every one of them like it would change the situation; it didn’t.
He was furious, I didn’t even need to tell him what the tests said; he had already known it. His eyes were moving rapidly between my mark and my belly as he clenched and unclenched his fists on his sides. He turned his back and I knew if I didn’t do something I would lose him. “Mike, don’t go… talk to me, please,” I choked with fear and unshed tears.
“No… this is wrong. This is wrong!” he chanted, pulling his hair as he paced around the room.
“It’s not wrong, Mike. It is beautiful. Tell me what is bothering you. Please,” I said, taking a tentative step toward him and relieved when he let me come closer.
“You’re not mine, anymore,” he whispered, it was so soft I almost missed it.
With fear I reached for his face and tried to smile softly as he didn’t pull back. “Of course I’m yours, Mike. I’ll be always yours.”
“This… this thing will take you away from me. I hate it, I hate this. I hate this monster. Everyone is taking something from me. Everyone wants to take what’s mine.” His face was full of panic; I had never seen him this out of control before. He was scared, truly scared. I caressed his cheek to soothe his worry.
“No, Mike, no. This baby will make me yours more. This baby will connect us like nothing else can and he will love you unconditionally. He will love you more than anyone.”
His eyes softened for a moment as he whispered, “He?”
Placing my other hand on my belly I smiled softly. “I feel like it will be a boy. Mike Junior… a beautiful boy like his handsome father,” I whispered, hoping that would keep him calm.
“He will hate me. I will be the worst father.”
“No, you won’t. You’ll give him a life you couldn’t have. You will love him fully. You will make him feel loved and you will protect him. I know you will, Mike.”
His confusion was almost childish and this gave me hope. I tired one last strike, “We will be family, Mike. Forever.”
“This shouldn’t have happened,” he said, shaking his head.
“But it did.”
“You shouldn’t want to stay. You shouldn’t want a family with me.” His voice was softer as he came closer to me.
