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“Angel?” she breathed out.
“Dawn…” I tried to talk, but my throat was dry I didn’t know if my voice came out at all.
“Angel you’re…” she trailed off. Her eyes were huge as she took me in.
I laughed hysterically, “Yeah…I’m pregnant.”
The rest was a chaos, a blur.
I didn’t remember anything else but the pain or the wetness ran through my legs.
Before darkness swallowed me I heard one last thing:
“Baby is coming. She’s in labor.”
November 2, 2015
Warm fingers were caressing my hand as I slowly opened my eyes.
“Angel?” Dawn choked. I looked at her for the first time in two years. Her eyes were red and swollen, her face was wet with tears, but she was striking. I reached for her violet hair; she looked so different yet still the same girl I grown up with –my sister, my partner in crime.
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired… how is my boy?” I croaked.
“He is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen,” she smiled at me. Before I could ask to see my baby the door opened and a nurse came in with my son in her arms.
“Your mother is awake, sweetie,” the nurse cooed at him.
“How are you feeling, Miss Darcia?”
“I’m tired but good. Is he alright?”
“Yes. He’s just hungry and he will be very happy once you feed him.” She smiled.
Nodding my head I reached for him, curious to his face.
When the nurse placed him into my eyes my breath hitched, my eyes welled up with tears. I caressed his face. I breathe him in before trying to feed him with the nurse’s help.
“Do we have a name for the little boy here?” Nurse said to me.
His name had already been ready from the first moment I knew I was pregnant. Michael Junior… but this name wouldn’t be accepted by anyone. They would think I was crazy, they would think I was sick, disgusting.
They would judge my baby boy for his father with that name. I wouldn’t let that happen. So I changed the name for everyone’s expectations.
“Mason Jackie Darcia.” I murmured, at least my parents’ names would live with my son even though his name would stand another meaning for me.
“Oh my goodness, Angel!” Dawn’s eyes teared up, but I couldn’t answer her when MJ opened his eyes. I sucked a breath. His eyes were dark like most of the newborns, but the way he looked at me was haunting. I knew he couldn’t see yet, but he looked at me like he knew me, like he saw inside me.
My tears fell down before I could stop them and soon they were turned into sobs. I caressed MJ’s cheek again. He would always be the solid reminder of my love for Mike which was a bittersweet truth, knowing that I wouldn’t be allowed to see him ever again.
“Take the baby. He makes her sad. She’s not ready yet,” Dawn’s words rushed out of her mouth. I couldn’t stop them as they took MJ away from me.
Dawn grabbed my hand and pulled me in a hug. “Shh, I’m sorry we couldn’t think about it, Angel. Everything you’ve been through must be like a nightmare, but you’ll get through this, sister. We’ll get through this together.” Caressing my hair she added, “I know MJ reminds you of that monster, but he is just an innocent baby. He is your son, sis.”
She thinks I’m crying because I hate my baby? I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t do anything else except crying.
I was crying because my heart hurt with the beauty of our b
