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Present
My gaze roams over the club with expectation. I’ve been hoping to see him since the morning, expecting him to show up like he had recently, but he’s nowhere to be seen. To be honest, I don’t even know why I want to see him. I feel grateful after reading his letter even though I have more questions than answers. I tell myself I want to see him because I want some answers, but I don’t even know what to ask to begin with. A part of me whispers, I want to see him just because. The thought is both exciting and terrifying. After all these years, that old giddiness I feel is ridiculous, but for me, he’s the key to the hopeful place inside me that I locked years ago.
I finish my dance and head to my room to change with conflicted emotions inside me. Because a part of me that I’ve forgotten that I have wants to see him, but I have to be careful. I don’t even know why he showed up after twenty years. I don’t even know what’s going through his head. Twenty years is a long time, and a lot can change. I have to remind myself that he’s not the sweet guy I’ve met and I’m not the same naïve girl who doesn’t know anything about life. But my reminder has insignificant effect on my traitor body because of the memory of us in the VIP room. He’s changed a lot, but now he’s become a man with edges and a shadow behind his eyes, and that turns me on.
Shaking my head, I bid my goodbye to Salem and Harley before going out of the club. It’s a good night outside, so I decide to walk instead of taking a cab. It’ll also help me clear my mind.
The streets are mostly empty. Since it’s a weekday, there aren’t many people who hang out in the clubs or stay late outside. I walk slowly on the pavement under the street lights and enjoy the peaceful silence around me. But just when I expect to feel calm, the hair on my neck stand at attention. My senses go on alert. My skin prickles without reason, my heartbeat increases, and my palms get sweaty. Looking at my surroundings I try to see some kind of danger, but there’s no one nearby that will cause me to feel like I’m being watched.
Straightening my back, I walk faster and with more confidence than I have. The next thing I know I’m being pulled into the alleyway with a hand on my mouth. I kick and bite his hand, but even though I hear a curse from my attacker his hold on me doesn’t waver. He lets me go only when my back hits the brick wall, and his arms cage me.
“Nick,” I breathe out when I see him.
The adrenaline in my blood changes direction when I see him in front of me, oozing power and control. The street light on my left lightens his face, accentuating the edges of his feature. He has a light shadow on his jaw that gives him an even more dangerous look in the alleyway. His eyes roam over my face, his pupils are dilated, his mouth apart, and before I can utter a word his lips are crushing mine. And I kiss him right back, if what we share can be called as a kiss. Because to me, it is more like
a war. Our tongues fight for domination, our teeth graze each other’s lips until we draw blood, our hands pull and push like it’s a power dance, our fingers dig into our skin like we’re trying to hurt each other as much as we can.
I pull his hair until he groans, and he bites down on my bottom lip in return. When I dig my nails into his neck he lifts my leg and wraps it around his waist so he can rub his impressive erection on my pussy. I grind on him, pulling my head back to breathe. His lips move over my jawline, licking and biting until he reaches my neck.
He’s controlling this whole situation, and even though it’s such a turn on, I’m not happy with giving the upper hand to him. Holding him by his shoulders, I move us over, so he’s the one who leans against the wall.
“Nikki,” he breathes out, reaching for me to kiss me but I push him back.
“What do you want from me?”
He smirks, caressing my back with random circles. “Can’t old friends visit each other?”
“We’re not friends.”
He smiles softly, cradling my face in his hands. “We were once. We were even more than friends, right?”
“He’s in jail now?” I whisper, hating the weakness in my voice but I have to hear it from him.
I don’t need to explain further to say who I’m talking about, he understands and nods.
“He won’t hurt you again.”
I sigh in relief with the confirmation, but I’m also tense, confused, and a little bit scared.
“What about you?” I whisper.
His face hardens, and he laughs cruelly. The kind of laugh that makes me want to hide in a dark corner. The kind of laugh that reminds me the little girl who was helpless against monsters. The kind of laugh that causes a shiver to run through my body before he even comes close to me. Instead of answering me, he grabs my hair and turns us over, so my back is against the wall again. He doesn’t give me time to repeat my question or school my expression to hide the fear deep down in my bones. He just takes my breath away with another punishing kiss.
When he pulls back, he rubs my bottom lip with his thumb. “You shouldn’t walk alone at night, you don’t know what would happen.”
With one last look over his shoulder, he leaves. As I lean down to support myself on my knees, to calm my breath and my scared heart, I think of the last look he gave me. I saw nothing of the boy I knew in that look. That look was full of anger and hate that makes my blood run cold. And I don’t know how much of it is directed at me.
Chapter 20
Past
Age 13
The sun moves down.
The sky gets darker, and the room gets colder.
I start pacing in the room, feeling nervous, scared, and restless. I’m hungry and thirsty, too.
