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“Answer me,” he says sternly, but when I lift my head to meet his eyes in panic his voice turns softer, “You don’t need to be shy.”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Louder.”
“Yes, Father. I’ve kissed a boy.”
He sighs deeply. “Ah, Veronica. You let yourself be tempted by devil’s kiss. Don’t you think we should replace it with the God’s?”
I don’t understand what he means by that, and I don’t agree Nick’s kiss was a devil’s kiss, it was the best feeling I have ever felt. But I still nod at Father Edward, knowing that’s what he expects me to do.
“Come closer, Veronica, my child. Let me show you how it feels to be kissed by the Holy Spirit,” he says, leaning closer to me.
I swallow in panic. Will he kiss me? Is that right?
He’s a Father, Veronica. He’s the first person the people in this small-town trust and believes in without a doubt. I can trust him, too.
“Close your eyes, my delicate flower. Let me help you bloom.”
I close my eyes and gasp when his lips touch mine. His kiss is so much different than Nick’s. It’s not unpleasant really, but it doesn’t make me feel like I’m floating in the sky, flying over the clouds. He doesn’t make my heart warm. Instead I shudder with the coldness seeping through my bones.
I sigh in relief when he pulls away. A frown is on his face. He shakes his head, tutting at something I can’t understand.
“You’re not letting me do my job, Veronica. You need to show me you want this,” he says.
But I don’t want this, I want to say. Instead, I bow my head. “I’m sorry, Father.”
“Let’s try again, baby girl.”
He leans in again, this time his hands tangle in my hair. His kiss is more aggressive, and I close my eyes, trying to pretend like I’m kissing Nick. That helps me a little, and before I know what I’m doing I kiss him back. His tongue traces my lips, and he bites down my bottom lip. I gasp, my eyes open in shock and everything my pretense vanishes with the vision of Father Edward instead of Nick.
He pulls back, smiling friendly. “Well done, Veronica. Well done, my child.”
He pours some water in a glass and hands it to me. “Drink this. It will help the session.”
Taking a big gulp, I start to cough. It’s not water in the glass, it has a bitter taste, living a sourness over my tongue and burns my throat as it goes down.
“Okay, we passed this phase. Now, the next question. Have you ever touched yourself?”
I bow my head again, hoping my hair covers my face. I take another big gulp from the drink in the glass, letting it burn away my embarrassment.
“Veronica.” The warning is clear in his eyes.
“Yes, Father.”
“Thank you for not lying to me. Have you ever looked at your nakedness and think of the things you shouldn’t have?”
I sip my drink, finishing it to stall some time before answering.
I ask for him to repeat the question and he does, smiling at me with knowledge in his gaze.
I try to straighten my back. My vision blurs for a second, my head starts spinning. I bite my lip and nod.
“Words, Veronica.”
I grip the arm of the couch, digging my fingers on its cushion to stop the dizziness. “Yes, Father,” I mutter.
He sighs again. “Okay. I see.”
