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It’s been two fucking weeks since I’ve read his last letter, since the day my past awakens from its slumber and laughs at me, enjoying the twisted joke my life has become.
I now know why Nick looked like he’d vomit when I told him everything when he visited me in jail. I now know why he didn’t try to fight when I wanted him to leave. I can understand why he couldn’t look me in the eye and why his body shook like he’d have a seizure before he left me alone. His life was ruined that day, too. But understanding the past doesn’t change the present, it doesn’t change what scars yesterday had left on us, and it doesn’t stop the constant need to vomit.
The words he wrote in his letter and the memories of my past blend together, haunting me like a ghost. I’m disgusted with my past, and now, I’m disgusted with my present. Because no matter how nasty the situation we are in, I still want to know the man Nick becomes, I still want to feel his love now that he’s a man instead of a teenager.
That’s why I let him watch me even though I don’t spare a glance at him. He’s everywhere; in my house, in the club, in the path I walk home. I can feel his presence wherever I go, whatever I do. His gaze follows me as I dance, as I shower, as I sleep. And he’s also in my thoughts, confusing me, haunting me, comforting me, and making me long for him.
As he blends his life with mine, I try to comprehend what to do with the bomb he’s given into my hands with his confession. He’s persistent and the unfinished business from my past I want to resolve, but he’s also everything I want to stay away. He hates me as much as I hate him for taking away my control and not giving me a chance, but he also loves me as much as I love him with the mixture of filthy, sinful lust, and innocent childhood love.
We’re like a cat and mouse; he’s chasing, and I’m hiding. There’s no moving forward, and it’s frustrating as fuck.
The fact that Nick is the Sheriff’s son won’t change whatever we do, but I won’t let that fact shape my today more than it’s already done. If Nick wants me, then he has to take me according to my rules, not his.
Chapter 28
Present
“Wahoo!!” Harley applauses next to me as we watch our dancers’ moves. Man’s World, former Club Nymph, has four off the charts hot dancers and watching half-naked men move around the stage seductively is the best moment of my job.
“Kent, wrap her legs around your waist,” I say, and Salem sends me a kiss. She’s clearly enjoying “helping” the guys rehearse.
“He’s here again, Sage,” Harley says, motioning to the exist with her head. I know who she’s talking about even before I turn my head. With a sigh, I stand up and walk toward him. This time we’ll have a proper talking. I want him to explain to me why he showed up after years, what he wants from me. Just when I open my mouth to talk, he beats me to it.
“What are you doing here? What do you fucking want from me?” I spat.
“Go to dinner with me tonight.” His voice is hard, and his eyes are unwavering.
I frown. “Not until you answer my questions.”
He laughs with the same cruel edge I’ve gotten used to. “You want answers. And I want…” he trails off with a smirk before continuing, “Go to dinner with me.”
“I don’t trust you,” I murmur, glaring at him.
“It’s not like I’m gonna attack you in public, Nikki,” he almost dares me. “It’s been twenty fucking years. I deserve dinner at least. It shouldn’t be that much of a burden for you,” he snaps at me.
I want to get some answers after all the chase, and he won’t give me a word without a fucking dinner. Dinner is too meaningful, too cliché. I can’t survive dinner with him. I sigh. “I can’t do dinner, but I can do lunch.”
His eyes soften, and he nods. “You’re free to go now?”
“Give me five minutes,” I say and walk toward the girls. They’ve already been watching Nick and me with interest. Shaking my head, I smile at them. “I’m going for lunch, will be back in an hour.”
“Don’t rush. You can stay with him until we open the doors,” Harley says, winking.
“It’s not like that,” I start, but I’m not sure how it is.
“Sure,” Salem says, rolling her eyes before pushing me toward the rooms. “Hurry up, don’t make the hottie wait.”
After fetching my coat and purse, I go back to where Nick is.
“Okay, let’s do it,” I murmur as I go out of the club.
We’re walking in silence, both of us are busy with our own thoughts. I don’t know how to act next to him. I feel familiar to him, but it doesn’t make sense after all those years apart. With him, I’m moving in circles. My thoughts and questions always come back to the confusion.
“Let’s stop here,” he says beside me, pointing at a café on the corner.
I tense when he touches the bottom of my back. The heat from his hand warms my skin and makes my heart beat faster. I school my expression, so he doesn’t see how he affects me as we take our seats in the corner of the café. After we give our orders, there’s nothing to distract us from the talk we should have to catch up on all those years that passed.
“You’ve changed a lot,” he says.
