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CHAPTER 13
MAYA
I couldn’t sleep.
Since Zeke left, I had insomnia, well more of it. I had a kind of panic attack when it came to sleeping. It’s hard for me to close my eyes and relax into slumber; there was suffocating anxiety surrounding me whenever I tried to sleep. That was the reason Zeke slept next to me all those years, only his arms were able to give me peace to fall asleep. And as I lay down on the bed, his arms were still close to me, just behind this wall, but there was a distance I wouldn’t be able to close between us.
I missed him.
I missed him too much, it was trying to make its way through the fake numbness I created so it could suffocate me, but what would change if I let myself feel? He was my blood, and I showed him my love, told him I loved him, but he still left me when I needed him most. I couldn’t get past the fact that being with me disgusted him too much he broke his own promise to not leave me alone. No matter how wrong or harsh the comparison would be, even Amanda or Carl didn’t really leave me. But Zeke did.
“I have to protect you, Maya. I have to protect you from myself because if I don’t leave, your life will be a bigger mess because of me.”
His words had been the only voice I heard for a long while after watching him leave me without a second glance. I didn’t need him to protect me, I needed him to be with me, next to me, and to tell me everything was going to be alright. But I was my own companion as I tried to keep the roof over our head and our stomach full enough to live. I held my own hand when things got rougher than it always was. I dealt with my fears alone, in the darkness and cursed him more and more each day even though my heart always beat for him. And that was why I didn’t go to him or ask for help even though I was exhausted and wanted to sleep so badly.
I was alone the day he left me. Even though he showed up in my life, out of the blue and saved me, he didn’t deserve my tears or my pain or my emotions. I couldn’t trust him again. I couldn’t afford my heart to be broken all over again, the shattered pieces he left were still hurting me every day.
So, I just watched the ceiling until the sun showed itself from my window.
CHAPTER 14
ZEKE
I was standing outside of Maya’s door, one hand hovering over the doorknob and the other trying to decide if I should knock.
I wanted to check in on her earlier, as I kept turning in my bed, fighting with myself not to go to her and hold her close to me all night. But I didn’t. Instead, I listened, carefully, hoping maybe she’d have a nightmare and would give me a reason to be there with her, but there was nothing from the other side of the wall. The only thing I heard was silence, deafening silence.
Sighing, I opened the door slowly, I didn’t want to wake her if she was sleeping. Her bed was empty. I frowned, but before I could worry, the door of the in-suite opened, and she stepped out with a towel wrapped around her slender frame. She was so thin, malnourished. Her skin was pale, and her eyes had purple circles under them, but she was still the most beautiful creature I had ever set eyes on. Her eyes widened when she saw me, but she schooled her expression fast and put on the cold mask she armored herself with.
The bandages on her wrists looked damp, and I used it to my advantage to be close to her.
“Your bandages need to be changed,” I said, walking closer to her.
“I’ll handle it,” she said.
Where was the girl who loved me to take care of her?
She grew up, my self-hatred reminded me.
I sighed. “Get inside the bathroom, Maya. I’ll do it.” My voice was the one I used in the club, my dominant voice and it seemed to work on her. She looked at me with her big doe eyes, almost too big for her small face, and entered the bathroom like a good submissive. My cock twitched in my grey sweatpants with the sudden image of her on her knees, head bowed, hands behind her back, and nothing on her but the small, sweet smile of trust.
You’re fucked up Zeke, my self-hatred sneered. It was right as always. I shouldn’t have been thinking of her that way, especially not when she was just recovering from the attempt to end her own life. She was broken, and even that turned me on. I was just a disgusting pervert.
She was standing in front of the vanity, looking at me under her lashes. Even though the look in her eyes was indifferent, it still made me want her even more. She was like a siren to my soul, always had been and she didn’t even know it. Her call was luring me, and even though I knew it would be the end for both of us, I couldn’t stop falling deeper and deeper into the ocean of desires.
I stood behind her, our bodies were close enough to feel each other’s warmth but distant enough not to touch. Our reflections in the mirror was like a punch in my gut; the resemble between us was unnerving, same dark eyes, same shade of dark hair, and same slightly crooked nose. I didn’t know if she were thinking the same thing as she looked at us, but when her eyes met mine something sparked in them just for a second.
“I want to leave,” she said.
I was excited she willingly talked to me, even though my answer was nonnegotiable. “Where do you want to go?”
Her response was silence.
“You know I will never let that happen, right?”
She only sighed, not giving me any sort of emotion to work with.
“You can be angry at me all you want,” I said, touching her shoulder. She tried to get rid of my hold, but I didn’t let her. “I made a mistake by leaving you alone. I shouldn’t have done that, okay? But I’m not letting you go now.”
