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One day.
That was how long we’d had people in our apartment that still hadn’t left.
It was something I was used to, something I’d grown up in, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. This was meant to be a fresh start, somewhere where no one knew us, yet they’d still managed to find out where to buy drugs and invite people to the one place that should have been where I felt safest.
For what felt like the thousandth time today, I glanced over at my bedroom door. I’d spent hours stacking furniture in front of it after someone had walked into my room thinking it was the bathroom. Danger was only on the other side of that flimsy wood, and I wasn’t afraid to admit it scared me.
I’d lived this life too long, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t sit here all day knowing that they were getting high a few feet away. They were destroying themselves, and me in the process.
I needed to escape, but the problem was, I had nowhere to go. I was truly alone, but it wasn’t anything new. I was used to it. I was used to being judged because of my parents. And it had never really bothered me. Not until now. I huffed out a breath and let my head drop back. Maybe it would be different now though. I could make friends, start a life of my own, and get away from the two people who were meant to put me first.
Technically I’d already made one friend, even if it was an eight-year-old kid from the first floor. My eyes widened and I flew forward, gasping. I could go and see if he was out there. I’d told myself I was going to check on him, and I hadn’t. It was the perfect excuse to get out of this godforsaken place.
Renewed
with a new sense of urgency, I used all of my strength to move the furniture aside. The music was even louder now that I had no sound barrier. I held my breath as I walked through the chaotic apartment. The front door squeaked, but no one even noticed me leaving.
My lungs sang as I breathed in the fresh air. It was stuffy in there, but also the sickly-sweet smell of whatever they were smoking was starting to cling to my skin. I needed a shower, but there was no way I was going to do that while there were strangers in the house. Yet another reason why I should have moved into the dorms on campus.
Everything was happening for a reason though, I firmly believed that. Maybe I was meant to be here to help me realize that they were never going to change.
I wrapped my hands around the railing to the balcony, trying to think of something other than my parents. My attention moved to the cracked concrete ground below, and as soon as I saw Cardo and Chiara running around, I grinned. A voice in the back of my mind told me that it was pathetic going down there to talk to them just because I didn’t want to be at home, but I pushed that aside. I needed something different to what was inside those four walls.
My boots clicked on the steps as I tried to take my time going down there so I didn’t seem too eager. I had to play it cool, like I was already heading out and ran into them instead of what the truth was: that I was seeking them out.
I halted at the bottom step and watched them for a couple of minutes, wondering what it would have been like if I would have had a sibling. Would things have been different? I would have had someone who understood me. Someone who could have shouldered some of the pain. Someone who would have cared about me.
A lump formed in my throat, but I swallowed past it. I couldn’t think like that, not here, not now. Those kinds of thoughts were saved for when it was dark outside, and I was alone in my bedroom. For now, I had to put on a front. One that made out I was doing great and not breaking apart inside.
I pushed my shoulders back and took a step forward. “Hey, Cardo!” I greeted, waving my hand in the air. I screwed up my face at the move, cringing at myself.
“Luna!” He darted over to me with Chiara hot on his heels. “I haven’t seen you in forever.” He dragged the last word out, and I couldn’t help the pull at my lips.
“I know.” I crouched down in front of them both. “I started my new college a few days ago.”
“You go to college?” Chiara asked in her sweet little voice. Her eyes were wide, the bright hazel pulling me in and threatening to not let me go.
“I do.” I nodded. “I don’t have classes today though.”
“We finished school already,” Cardo announced, pushing his chest out. “I learned my times tables today.”
“You did?” I tilted my head, listening intently. He was proud of himself, and for some reason, so was I. School had always been my savior. It was the one place where I wasn’t surrounded by chaos.
“Yeah, want to hear them?”
“Sure.” My thighs burned from crouching in front of them, so I stood. “Let’s go sit down.” I looked around, spotting the curb that separated part of the makeshift parking lot from the small patch of grass. I pointed and they both ran toward it.
Cardo stood with his hands on his hips and Chiara waited next to him, her gaze flashing from me to him and then the curb again. She was waiting to see what to do. My stomach dropped, seeing so much of myself reflected in her. I didn’t know these kids, not really, and yet I felt like my soul did.
I sat down on the curb and patted the spot next to me as I stared at Chiara. “Come and sit.”
She glanced at Cardo, and when he nodded, she slowly walked toward me and sat down. Cardo started reeling off the times tables that he’d learned, walking around in a circle as he did. I wasn’t sure how long we listened to him, but when Chiara shuffled closer, I looked down at her.
Chiara raised her hand, her small fingers running over the braid in my hair. “What’s this?”
“A braid,” I whispered, keeping half of my attention on Cardo as he jumped in the air and slammed his feet on the ground.
“Can you do that to my hair?” she asked. Her eyes fluttered shut, her body rigid. A normal person wouldn’t have seen the way hope flowed through her, but I saw it as clear as day. It was the same hope that shone in my eyes every time I looked in the mirror.
