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“Oh god,” I groaned, invested in this sibling banter I had no idea about. I always wondered what it would have been like to have a brother or a sister, and I suddenly realized Leo was an only child too. Maybe that was why we got along right away? Maybe it was why I felt a connection with him that I couldn’t explain. It wasn’t romantic, more like he was the little brother I’d always known I had. We’d only hung out once, but we’d been texting on and off for a couple of days, and we’d talked about everything and nothing all at the same time.
“What is it now?”
“Pizza eating,” Leo said, his face carefully blank.
“Pizza…eating?” I repeated, wondering whether I’d heard him wrong.
“Yep.” Leo turned and started to move toward the main steps of the school, and I walked beside him. I didn’t want to admit out loud that it felt weird to be walking into school with a friend, but it really was strange. I’d walked in and out beside Knox plenty of times, but it was different. People were always watching Knox and either ignoring me or giving me the evil eye. And it was just as I thought about Knox when a horn honked. I looked over my shoulder, already knowing who it would be.
Knox’s SUV slid into the spot next to mine, and although I didn’t make eye contact with him thanks to his tinted windows, I could feel his gaze on mine. I was near the top of the steps now, and Leo was still talking, but I had no idea what he was saying because all I could focus on was Knox as he pushed out of his SUV, his gaze set right on me.
People surrounded him, trying to get his attention, but the longer I stayed where I was with Leo beside me none the wiser, the more Knox’s eyes narrowed, and his face screwed up. He’d never seen me talk to anyone other than him, and it was right at that moment I understood why I’d never had any friends. Because when it came to Knox, it was easier to be alone.
“You okay, Elodie?” Leo asked, and I nodded, not opening my mouth to reply. I wasn’t sure if I could get the words out even if I wanted to. My head was spinning, my mind confused as to what was happening. I’d left the trailer happy this morning, and now I was…
I didn’t know what I was.
Knox’s two followers walked up to him, but he didn’t move his gaze off me to acknowledge them. I could see them looking at me and turning back to him, and I knew they were telling him I’d hugged Leo. I should have thought before I acted, but I hadn’t been thinking. I’d been livi
ng in the moment, and I knew better than anyone that I couldn’t be free like that. Every action had a consequence, and my stomach rolling with nerves told me this one would too.
The first bell rang out, and I darted away from everyone and inside the building, determined to keep my head down for the rest of the day. But I should have known Knox would come and find me at some stage. I shouldn’t have let myself relax when lunch was nearly over. I should have been preparing myself, but I hadn’t expected him to grab my wrist and yank me into the nearest closet.
The door slammed behind us, and the resounding click of the lock rang out. I was stuck in the darkened space with him, and with his body blocking the door, there was no way out. The tension built as the silence stretched, and I opened my mouth, not knowing what I was going to say, but nothing came out. I didn’t know what to tell him because I never knew which Knox I was going to get.
“You forget me or something, El?” I winced at the nickname and backed up a step. My instincts were kicking in, telling me to get as far away as possible, but I was trapped with nowhere to go. I shouldn’t have felt like this, not when it came to the person who was meant to care the most about me. Our reality was just an illusion. A mirage to fool those around us, because deep inside, it was nothing but rotten. I knew it. He knew it. And yet, we carried on the same as we always had.
“You disappeared all weekend,” Knox went on, and the sound of his boot tapping on the tiled floor told me he’d stepped closer.
“I was…I was working.”
“Bullshit,” he gritted out. “I went there.” I swallowed the lump building in my throat at his words. “And you weren’t there. So where the fuck were you, huh?” His voice was lower now, threatening, warning me he was going to strike any second. My gut was telling me to do or say anything to get away from this conversation, but my head was telling me not to back down from him.
“I was working,” I insisted because I was. I’d worked extra hours so I could afford this weekend’s dance competition, although I still didn’t have enough to cover the rent but I couldn’t worry about that right now. I had to take on what was in front of me, no matter how much facing Knox had me on edge.
“You’re lying to me, El,” he murmured, and a second later, his soft touch whispered up my arm and over my neck. “I don’t like it when you lie to me.”
“I know,” I managed to stutter out. “I’m not lying though, Knox. I promise I’m not.”
I heard rather than saw him shuffle closer, and then his body was pressing against mine, soft and gentle, nothing like the harshness I’d felt the last time we’d been alone. Maybe what had happened the day at the lookout had made me pull away from him, but I was a fool if I thought I could walk away from Knox. He owned me, at least, he liked to think he did. He may only have been eighteen, but he had more power in his little finger than the entire school put together. He had sway, and I couldn’t afford to go against that.
He didn’t answer me with his words, not that I’d expected him to. He was waiting, taking in what I’d told him as he decided what to do, and all I could do was wait him out. Wait to see what he would say. Wait to see his reaction.
His hand drifted to the side of my face, and his breath fanned over my skin, and then his fingers were gripping my hair. He yanked me, causing my neck to snap to the side. “What did I tell you about that fuckin’ nerd?”
“I—”
“You didn’t listen.” He pulled my hair even harder, making my scalp burn with pain. “You never goddamn listen.”
“I’m sorry,” I croaked out, reaching up for his arm and grasping his wrist.
“I trusted you, El.” He let his words hang in the air and pressed his forehead to mine. “Don’t make me regret it.”
“You won’t,” I replied, tilting my head up. I could just about make out his features through the darkness now that my eyes had adjusted. His piercing stare met mine, a warning loud and clear in the depths of his eyes. He could destroy me if he wanted to, and then I’d have nothing. At least that was how it felt. It would all be over soon. All I had to do was make it to the end of the school year.
So, for now, I’d play his game. I’d say whatever I had to say to satisfy him. I’d take whatever he threw at me. Because his threat wasn’t one he wouldn’t follow through with. Knox wasn’t the kind of person who said one thing and did another. He said what he meant, and he did what he said. I knew that better than anyone.
I swallowed as I kept my gaze connected to his, showing him he could trust me. I’d never given him any reason not to. Not outwardly anyway. I kept secrets from him, but they were secrets I kept from everyone. Secrets I didn’t let myself dwell on. My privacy was just that—mine.
