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Don’t tell Dad I bought myself some new shoes.
Don’t tell the dealer I went to someone new.
Hide the rent money.
Pretend we’re not home.
It had been drummed into me from an early age, so living what felt like two lives felt natural to me. During the day, I was a high school student and Knox’s girlfriend, but at night, I was Lotus, the exotic dancer who was comfortable in her own skin.
It was a big secret. There was no doubt about it. But I hadn’t thought the two worlds would collide. I’d made strict rules for myself when I’d first started dancing at Pink Feather after Jax had offered me the job, but I hadn’t stuck to them. I’d let myself get carried away the moment I met Asher. I’d fooled myself into believing I was Lotus, and not Elodie, the high school student who also had a boyfriend. But I hadn’t been able to stop myself. I hadn’t been able to say no. I hadn’t been able to ignore the way he made me feel.
When I was dancing, the crowd blurred, and I didn’t see any of them as individuals. I took myself off to a land where I was in a room on my own and only doing this for me. But when I’d come out on stage and saw him sitting in a back booth, I knew he was different. It wasn’t because he had muscles on top of muscles, or the tattoos scattered all over his skin. It was the way he’d watched me but then turned away as I was about to take my last piece of clothing off. He hadn’t wanted to see me completely naked. There was something about that action which called to me. He called to me.
That had never happened to me before. Men came here to watch women get naked, and here he was, not wanting to see me like that. He was the first man I knew who didn’t want to view me like a piece of meat. He had seen me, really seen me for the woman I was and not the body parts I had.
And then the kiss. Damn the kiss. In the back of my mind, I knew I shouldn’t have done it, knew I shouldn’t have pushed him to the point where he didn’t want to back down, but I hadn’t been able to stop myself. Knox hadn’t entered my mind at any point…
Until the next day when he’d pulled into the lot.
I was keeping secrets from everyone. I’d been stupid to think I could keep this secret forever. And now I had no idea what to do. I’d told Asher Jax knew I was underage, and he did, but now that Asher knew, would Jax fire me? Because there was no way I could lose that job. No way in hell. I needed the money more than anyone knew. Without that job, I wasn’t sure what I’d do, or where I’d end up. And the more I thought about it, the more anxious I became. I’d allowed myself to get caught up, and now I was afraid I’d have to pay the price.
My next shift wasn’t until Friday, and the days seemed to blur into one another. I had dance practice for the competition this weekend, and my classes were as boring as ever. Leo still hadn’t come back to school after what Knox had done to him on Monday, and I was back in a cycle of following Knox around and jumping every time he told me to because the alternative wasn’t something I had the energy for.
And before I knew it, I was pulling up outside and staring at the bright pink letters above the door. The lights weren’t switched on yet because it was still light outside, but the security guard was in front of the door, waiting to let people in.
I took a breath, pushed everything to the back of my mind, and made my way inside. The dancers were all talking as I walke
d to my station backstage. Usually, I would have made small talk with them, but my nerves for the competition tomorrow were taking over. I was finishing work early, choosing to do my set two hours earlier than normal so I could meet Aleste at the studio and we could travel together. It would save on the cost of gas, and I’d get some much-needed sleep on the five-hour drive.
My stomach rolled as I wondered if Asher had told Jax about seeing me at school. The conversation had been stilted and full of confusion on Asher’s part, but also mine. Leo was supposed to be my friend, and I’d kissed his uncle. My eyes widened at the realization. I’d kissed my friend’s uncle. And more than that, I’d liked it.
“You’re up, Lotus,” Reign said as she came off the stage, and I shook my head and darted to the side as the first beats to my song started to play. I zoned out—just like I always did—and sauntered onto the stage, knowing my routine inside out. I didn’t put a foot wrong, and by the end, I was only left in a skimpy thong, but at least it was something covering my body. Some nights I ended up fully naked, but if I didn’t think about it, it didn’t matter.
Backstage was pumping by the time I walked back there, but I didn’t have time to join in on the fun tonight as I got dressed and took my makeup off. I had fifteen minutes to get out of here, drive to Aleste’s studio, and move all of my things from my car to hers. I was doing good for time, but that didn’t mean I was scot-free. I still had to make it out to my car yet, and—
“El?” Jax called, and I turned my head to see him leaning against the wall in the back hallway, which led to the back exit.
“Hey,” I breathed out, halting in front of him. I smiled nervously, wondering what he was about to say. Had Asher already spoken to him? What if he was about to fire me? What if—
“Good luck tomorrow.”
My shoulders slumped at his words, and my breath whooshed out of me. Jax had been there for me at times when it felt like I was entirely alone. He’d rented a trailer a couple down from me after he came back from tour with the Marines, and Al ended up being over there all the time. That had been a few years back, though. Jax had moved out nine months ago, and since then, the trailer park was so much worse, just like the trailer I lived in. But I never told him that. It wasn’t like he could do anything about it anyway. He was letting me earn amazing money thanks to the tips, and it was all I could ask for right then.
“I’m so nervous,” I confided in him, and his answer was to wrap his arms around my shoulders and pull me to his chest. He was as tall as Asher, which meant my face was right between his pecs, but his touch was like a big brother’s. One who cared what happened to me.
“You’re gonna do great, El,” he whispered. He gave me a squeeze, and then let go. His lips pulled into a huge smile. “Go dance your ass off.”
I saluted him. “Yes, sir.” He chuckled, and I smiled in response as he pushed me toward the exit. I’d lost another couple of minutes to get to Aleste’s, but it was so worth it. In a couple of words, Jax had made me feel much better about everything. I hadn’t been fired, and although my nerves were still there, I felt more confident about the competition tomorrow.
The cool evening air whacked me in the face, but I didn’t have time to wrap my jacket around my bare arms as I ran across the lot and to my car. My key was in my driver’s door, and I was turning it, just as, “We need to talk,” came from behind me. I jumped out of my skin and spun around, ready to defend myself. “Not gonna hurt you,” the voice said again. Asher’s voice. It was Asher. Shit.
“I don’t have time for this right now, Asher.”
He snorted. “Make time.”
I shook my head and faced my car. “I can’t. Seriously.” I opened my door and slid into my seat.
“You think I’m gonna forget about the fact that you’re a high school stripper?” Asher asked. “You can’t even fuckin’ grace me with five minutes to explain what the fuck you’re doing takin’ your clothes off for men two and three times your age?”
