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I swallowed, trying to keep my emotions at bay. This wasn’t the time to let the tears fall and stop me. This was the time to be strong, to admit out loud what had happened, and start to heal. That was why we were here, right? To heal and get better.
“I think the pain will always be there.” I placed my hand over my heart, then moved it to his chest. “Just like your pain will be.” He jerked at my words, but didn’t pull away completely, and hope built within me. Maybe by exposing myself to him, he’d confide in me. “I see your pain too, Asher.” I leaned forward, so close our heads were almost touching. “I see it.”
He closed his eyes, almost as if it was too much to even look at me. The silence stretched between us, and the more time that went by, the more I feared I’d gone too far. But I knew it wasn’t for nothing. Saying what had happened to me out loud helped, even if it was only a little.
“I watched them die.” He said the four words so low I wasn’t sure I’d heard them right, not until he opened his eyes back up, and I saw the outpour of emotions in his gaze. “Both me and Jax watched them die.” I started to pull my palm off his chest, but he darted his hand to it, keeping it there. “We were on patrol and hit an IED.” He winced and cleared his throat. “Me and Jax were the only ones who survived.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say, but I didn’t even think he heard me. He was in his own little world, just like I had been since everything had happened.
“I can still smell the burn of their flesh. Hear their screams for help.”
His chest moved quicker, his breaths coming harder. “I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t save them.”
“It’s okay. It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” He stood so fast he made me dizzy. He paced the small boat back and forth, causing it to rock a little. “I should have been able to get to them. I should have saved them.”
“Asher.” I stood, holding my hands out. “Why couldn’t you save them?”
He yanked on the bottom of his shorts, displaying the scar on his leg. “Because I couldn’t move. I was trapped, and my leg wouldn’t work.”
“Then it’s not your fault.” I moved toward him. “You were hurt.” He shook his head, and I placed my hands on either side of his face. “It’s not your fault.” His stare met mine, and I gripped his face harder. “It’s not your fault. Just like it’s not my fault what Knox did to me.”
His jaw locked at my words, but he didn’t look away. His gaze probed at me, trying to see if I believed what I was saying. And I did. For the first time, I really believed what Knox had done over the years wasn’t my fault. I didn’t make him do anything. I didn’t provoke him. I didn’t deserve the punishment he was dealing out.
“If I’d have gotten there earlier,” Asher whispered, and I felt his arms wrap around my waist. He hadn’t held me like this since before that night, and I hadn’t wanted him to. But right then, at that moment, I knew it was the first step. Not just for me, but for him too.
“You wouldn’t have been able to save them,” I repeated.
“Not them.” He placed his forehead to mine, and my palms drifted down his neck to his shoulders. “You.” He paused, and my stomach dipped. “I shouldn’t have left you that night, sweetheart. I should have stayed. I should have known he was going to—”
“No.” I shook my head. “You’re not going to shoulder any blame.” I closed my eyes, feeling like I was as light as a feather. “And neither am I.” I believed what I said. I meant every word. And it freed me. Freed me from the constraints I’d felt bound to for years. Freed me from the fear threatening to take over.
“Fuck, Elodie,” Asher whispered. “You’re so brave.”
I opened my eyes and didn’t move my gaze off him. His dark-brown eyes were intense, but I knew mine matched his. We’d both bared ourselves in ways we never had before. “I’m only brave because of you. You made me believe anything is possible.”
“I love you,” he croaked out. “I love you so damn much.”
I should have been scared by his words. Should have felt like it was wrong to hear them at that moment, but I didn’t. He was being honest, just like I had been, and I had every intention of continuing my honesty. “I love you too.”
I didn’t hesitate as I lifted up onto my tiptoes and placed my lips against his. For several seconds, we stood there, our mouths molded together, our feelings out in the open with the truth surrounding us. I felt safe, but more importantly, loved. I was determined to have something good come out of all the bad that had happened. And Asher…
Asher was my something good.
ASHER
I leaned back in my seat as I watched Elodie walking along the edge of the lake. The mask she usually wore on her face was lifted as were her lips. She was smiling, but it wasn’t the fake kind she’d done since we got here almost a week ago. It was the real kind. The kind that had my stomach rolling and my hands itching to touch her. But I couldn’t, not yet.
We’d kissed on the boat this morning. I’d revealed part of myself I never thought I would, and even though the memories were at the forefront of my mind, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was her: the woman who had changed everything. She’d come from nowhere, appeared in my life like a bat out of hell, and I was grateful. She understood me in ways no one else ever would, and as I stared at her, I knew I couldn’t live without her. She was it for me. She was the one person who called to my soul like nothing else ever had.
My feelings were deep, and I’d told her part of them. I hadn’t meant to say those three words to her, but at that moment on the boat, I hadn’t been able to help myself. And more than that, she’d said them back. The way her eyes had swirled told me she meant them, and some invisible force had locked us together, proving that we were made for each other. Two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together.
I was basking in what had happened on the boat, the way she confronted everything, and blurted out what she felt. She hadn’t been frightened of how I would react. She’d pushed through, showing her strength once again. I idolized her. I was obsessed with her. Captivated by each of her movements. I wanted nothing more than to join her on her walk and show her how to bounce stones off the surface of the lake instead of just throwing them in like she was doing right then, but I couldn’t because I was waiting for a call—a call which could change everything.
I flicked my gaze back down to the screen of my cell, waiting for the name to flash up, but it was already six minutes after the scheduled call, and I had a pit in the bottom of my stomach. Did this mean it was going to be bad news? Or maybe my lawyer was running late.
Each of my breaths became harsher the longer I waited, and I was on edge in a way I’d never been before. Elodie and I were here to try and get some distance from the shit happening back home, and this had been the first time since we’d gotten to the lake house that I really understood things would never be the same.
