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“Jord,” Brody groaned.
“What? I’m just telling her what’s gonna happen. And, I mean, have you seen the size of you? You remember how big Cade was when he came out.”
My heart galloped in my chest. I’d never even given thought about the actual birth. All I’d been focusing on was what was right in front of me, not what was going to happen in six months.
“You’re scaring her,” Kyle said, pointing his fork at me. “She looks like she’s about to—”
My stomach churned again, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it in this time. I darted out of the booth and across the diner, heading straight for the bathroom. I didn’t even manage to get down on my knees before the omelet came back up, followed by the burn of orange juice I’d drunk this morning when I woke up.
“Lola?” Normally it was Jan who followed me into the bathroom to make sure I was okay, but Brody’s deep voice rang out, and the door clicked closed. I hadn’t had time to close the stall door behind me, so when I flushed the toilet and spun around, he was standing there with a frown on his face.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” I wiped my hand across my head. “Told you it wouldn’t stay down.” I moved past him and splashed my face with water.
“That can’t be healthy.”
I shrugged and walked out of the bathroom, heading for the staff room and the mouthwash I kept in my locker—I’d learned that trick from Jan.
“It’s meant to let up at the three-month mark,” I said, knowing Brody was following me. “But here I am at fourteen weeks, still being sick.” I opened my locker and retrieved my mouthwash. “Or maybe it’s because I can’t stop seeing my dead brother on the ground after I stabbed him.” A laugh bubbled up in my throat, one that was so awkward and crazy, but I managed to push it down. I couldn’t b
elieve I’d said those words aloud, but again, distraction was what I needed, so I swirled some mouthwash and spat it out in the sink.
“We meant what we said out there, Lola,” Brody said, moving closer to me. “We’ve handled it. You don’t need to worry about—”
“Yeah, I heard you. But that doesn’t stop the images in my head and the regret swirling through me.” I leaned against the sink. “I killed someone, Brody. I actually killed someone.”
His hands grasped my hips, and he pulled me flush against his body. “You said it yourself, darlin'. You didn’t have a choice.”
“I know,” I whispered, my hands fluttering to his forearms. “But, I—”
“No buts.” He pressed his forehead to mine and lowered his voice. “Wipe the slate clean. Of everything. Don’t forget, but forgive. Forgive yourself and everyone around you, and start fresh.” He paused and drew in a breath, his hands moving up past my waist and to my neck. “Start fresh with me.”
I stared into his eyes. “With you?”
“Yeah, darlin'. You and me. What do you say?”
I didn’t answer him with my words. Instead, I pressed my lips to his and relished in the second first kiss we had.
* * *
LOLA
A lot could change in the space of a few hours, and even more in a couple of weeks.
If I really thought about where my life would have ended up, it wouldn’t have been here. If I were honest with myself, I thought I’d still be stuck in that house with Hut.
But Hut was gone.
I didn’t think it was right I attended his funeral, but I did anyway. Brody had said it would be the last piece of closure I’d need, and he was right. I let go of everything that had happened with him. I let go of every bruise he marred my body with, and every cut that scarred my flesh. I forgot about the names he would call me, and how isolated he made me feel toward the end.
I let it all go because holding on to it would only destroy me.
His body was cremated, his ashes scattered across the lake he used to love as a kid, and life was moving on. I could have easily let what happened consume me. I could have thought about that night over and over again and tried to think of different outcomes. But the reality was, nothing could have been different. He’d been destroying himself for years before that, and nothing anyone did would have stopped him.
Quinn had been at the funeral, but he hadn’t spoken to me, not when I was surrounded by Brody and the three guys. I hadn’t seen Ford there, but Brody said he was somewhere safe, bettering his life, and I was glad because if there was one person who deserved it, it was him.
I wasn’t sure if my dad and Crystal would show up, but I wasn’t surprised when they didn’t. They hadn’t been seen since the day of the cookout when Crystal had held a knife to my throat. I didn’t want to think about that too much, because if I did, I’d have to be honest with the fact that Hut had probably found them and made them pay like he’d promised he would.
