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I let them have their moment, watching the father/daughter relationship they have. The notion of why she’s a daddy’s girl finally hits me full force, making me need a moment to collect myself. I may be mad at him, but he’s had a hard time too, he doesn’t need me making it worse.
I turn around and ring the excess water out of my hair, wading back through the sea and onto the beach, sitting down beside Clayton.
“That’s a pretty spectacular sandcastle.” He eyes me and smiles cautiously, turning his head back toward it as a blush creeps up his cheeks. I can see that he’s not good at taking compliments. “Mind if I join in?”
He shakes his head and I pick up the bucket, filling it with wet sand as a still giggling Izzie is placed down beside me.
Tristan runs his fingers through his sandy-blond hair and shakes the water out of it before sitting down in front of me. “I think I might’ve turned to ice,” he says, chuckling and placing his cold hands on my back.
I screech and jump up, backing away from him. “Don’t do that, I’ve only just warmed up!”
He stands up slowly, bending at the knees and crouching slightly before stepping toward me and holding his hands out in front of him. “Is Harmony scared of cold hands?” He raises his brows up and down and dives for me.
I spin around and run away—clumsily—as Izzie and Clayton cheer their dad on in the background. I don’t know why I’m entertaining this, but it feels good to not think about anything for once and just be in the moment.
He catches me as I stumble and wraps his arms around my waist, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder before walking toward the sea.
“Tristan, what are you doing? Tristan!” I squeal as he wades in and tosses me into the waves. If I’m going in then so is he, I don’t let go of his neck, causing him to topple in with me.
He gasps when he breaks the surface just after I do, seeing me spluttering. “Oh, shit, sorry.” He’s not, he’s the furthest from sorry that he could be and the giant grin that covers his face attests to that.
I splutter as I try to stand up, wiping the salt water from my eyes. While I can’t see, I lose my footing and stumble before dipping back under the waves.
I’m not under for long because with Tristan’s quick reflexes, he pulls me out of the water and up against his taut body. His eyes shine with concern as he holds onto me, conveying that he wouldn’t ever let anything happen to me.
I cough and laugh at the same time, causing him to laugh with me.
“You okay, Harm?” he asks when I don’t stop the weird cough-laugh, his voice gruff.
My laughter dies off as I look up into his gray eyes, the starburst around his pupils sparkling just like the sea does when the sun hits it.
When he looks at me like that, I don’t know what to do or say. He’s rendered me speechless.
“I—”
“Miss J, are you okay?” The sound of Clayton’s voice breaks me from my trance and we pull apart quickly, both looking at the edge of the waves, seeing Clayton and Izzie with worried expressions on their faces.
“I’m fine, guys, we were only playing,” I assure them, walking over with Tristan following behind me.
“Daddy, you shouldn’t have done that,” Izzie scolds him and I turn my head to look at him briefly, mocking him with a raised brow.
He winks at me, making me blush and murmurs a not very convincing, “Sorry,” as he wades through the water. He walks past me and whispers, “Not really.” Which causes me to narrow my eyes at him as I watch him walk over to where the towels are laid out.
He throws me one as I reach there and I catch it, wrapping it around Izzie before holding my hand out for another.
He startles and looks between Izzie and me with an unreadable look on his face before shaking his head and handing me another towel that I wrap around myself. “That was… Never mind. Are we ready to eat?”
“Yeah!” the kids chime together and we all sit down, tucking into the sandwiches that Tristan has packed up for us as deep-rooted feelings that I’ve kept locked away swarm in my belly like bees in a hive.
Today feels like an awakening. I’ve been focused too much on my own pain and grief that I haven’t been paying enough attention to what is going on around me, but I see it now.
I see the way that Clayton keeps looking over at me every now and again, a strange expression on his face. I see the way that Izzie gravitates toward me, seeking a bond, and it scares me. But most of all, I can see the sadness and the pain that is locked behind Tristan’s eyes every time he gazes at his two perfect children. And that about guts me. I’m not the only one suffering with hidden pain.
As soon as Tristan pulled out of the parking lot at the beach, the kids fell asleep, making the car fall into companionable silence—save for the soft snores coming from the back seat.
After eating our picnic, I built more sandcastles and played in the sea with Izzie and Clayton, laughing more than I have in a long time. Seeing them both be so carefree and happy warmed my heart, and even though the day had been emotionally draining, I’m glad that I went in the end despite my trepidation.
Being back around Tristan feels surprisingly good, I’ve always missed him, but being in the same place as him; breathing the same air that he is, it’s thawed my icy exterior toward him.
