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I grimace at the memory, trying to both hold onto the feeling of Natalia’s hug and Tristan’s hand wrapped around mine. But Nat is gone now, and Tristan and I? We’re different people. It’s been a decade since he left me and I need to let this go; too much has happened between now and then and I’m tired. I’m tired of holding onto these feelings and letting them take me back to the past.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; this is a new beginning.
Coldplay—Fix You
Gavin Mikhail—Its Where My Demons Hide
Sara Bareilles—Gravity
“Clay, baby?”
I gasp as Mommy’s voice echoes around me, loud and clear like she’s right next to me. I whip my head back and forth, my eyes searching in the darkness as I try my hardest to find her, but it doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t see her anywhere.
It’s too dark.
“Mommy?” My voice is small, my eyes narrowing as I try to see any kind of movement. “I can’t find you, Mommy.”
I shiver against the breeze that sweeps around me and wrap my arms around my waist, trying to keep some warmth in my body. My bare feet hit the cold concrete ground and I wince as something digs into the bottom of my foot.
I feel something brush past me and my head whips to the side, my heart starting to beat harder in my chest.
“Clay?”
Her voice sounds farther away now, but I can’t work out where it’s coming from so I keep walking forward, hoping that it came from this way.
I shiver more the farther I walk, my teeth chattering and my hands shaking.
All I want is my mommy.
“Mommy?” I sniffle, wiping my arm under my nose and trying my h
ardest not to cry. I have to be strong for Daddy and Izzie, I can’t let anyone see me cry.
“That’s it, Clay, baby,” Mommy says, her soft voice sounding closer now. “Keep walking this way.”
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
I hate this; I hate how dark it is.
Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I take a deep breath and move another couple of steps forward before light shines in front of me.
My eyes spring open, the light blinding me for a couple of seconds before my eyes adjust to the brightness.
But as soon as they do, I smile; I smile so wide I think my cheeks may break.
“Mommy!” I rush forward, my feet slapping against the ground loudly.
Sometimes I smell the same perfume that she always used to wear, and it doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing, I always look for her. I can still remember the way it felt to sit in her lap or to have her cuddle me when I was upset.
I don’t have that anymore.
She smiles back at me, opening her arms wide as she rushes forward too.
“Clay!” Her voice sounds different; rougher, almost like she’s about to cry.
I try to run faster, but it doesn’t matter how fast my legs move, it feels like I’m getting farther and farther away. I scream inside my mind, willing them to go impossibly faster.
“I missed you, baby,” she says, the sound of a sob coming from her.
