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Kara
The Redwood Forest was absolutely beautiful. Sure, riding bareback in Amarillo, Texas, had been exhilarating, and the Grand Canyon had been divine, but these majestic trees were otherworldly. It was like being transported to a different dimension where a giant centipede might creep from around the next bush. Sun filtered through their wind-soaked leaves, lighting the well-worn path we walked upon. Glancing over my shoulder, I found Cole trudging behind me. Ever since we’d run into Trent, he’d been acting weird, and I was beginning to worry that old feelings were resurfacing for him. Cole and Trent had a whirlwind romance, sometimes volatile, other times passionate. I often found myself worrying that I was the reason they broke up—that somehow, they were meant to be, and I got in the way of an epic romance.
“Smile, you two,” J.P. called from a distance, phone in hand. “You’re supposed to look like you’re having the time of your lives.”
I forced a smile, but I didn’t think that helped much. It felt more like a grimace and J.P. confirmed it. He didn’t snap the picture. I stifled a groan as I turned around, wondering if this was the beginning of the end, and if Cole and I were going to return to what we were before. I was hoping this trip would fix things between us; show him that our friendship was strong enough to have a baby together and be a family for life. Before we got on The Lux, I was already convinced having a baby was the last piece of the puzzle for me. I had the career, the access, the money, and most importantly, my best friend in the world to share it all with. I was checking boxes like a boss. But maybe this trip opened doors that were always meant to stay closed. I wasn’t supposed to let myself fall in love. Not ever again. And now what Cole had said about deserving more than a charade hit home. He was talking about himself. I’d already come between him and his chance at a real relationship once. Knowing how strong his connection was with J.P., how could I stand in the way of that spark? He definitely deserved more than what I could give him. I looked up at the sky peeking through the canopy. Could, or should? Because there really wasn’t a question of whether I could feel more for Cole. I already did; had for a very long time. But how selfish would it be to finally tell him how I felt now when he was interested in someone else? I’d been selfish for too long.
We continued on the path in silence, and I tried to focus on my job, because really at the end of the day, that’s what this was. A job. I tried to get lost in the beauty of nature and sell this experience for all it was worth rather than sulk. Birds fluttered above us. The wind rustled the leaves. And what right did I have to sulk anyway? It was my fault he was in this mess.
J.P. got several shots of Cole holding my hand and of us picnicking under a giant tree. We each found a smile, but Cole never quite met my eye.
When we finally made it back to The Lux, I couldn’t contain myself any longer. “Look, I know what’s going on,” I said as we entered the dining cabin.
Cole had his back to me. His shoulders hunched, like a child caught red-handed trying to take a cookie from the cookie jar. He slowly turned around, his brows raised while he forced a smile that didn’t reflect the sorrow in his gaze. “What...do you mean?” His voice, however, perfectly matched the tightness of his shoulders.
I walked closer to him. “You’ve been acting weird since we ran into Trent.”
Cole grimaced. “Really?”
“I know that seeing him stirred up some things from the past for you and I finally see the truth.”
“Fuck, Kara...I didn’t want—”
“I’m not going to stand in your way anymore and I know you’re worried that’s what will happen if you and J.P. explore things when we get back like you want to.”
“Wait, what?”
“You don’t have to deny it.” Was he really going to play dumb? After all these years, didn’t he know he couldn’t hide anything from me?
“Oh, for Christ’s sake.” J.P. let out a sound, and I couldn’t tell if it was a laugh or a grunt. “Will you finally tell her, Cole?”
“Tell me what?” My blood went cold. “Have you already decided to get a divorce, Cole?” My voice was shrill, even to my own ears. I glanced between J.P. and Cole. Was Cole leaving me for J.P., like right now? Everything became very real in that moment. I know I’d decided to give up our fake marriage so he could finally be happy, but this was brutal. My stomach clenched as tears welled up. Why was this so hard?
Cole sighed and I faced him. He was blurry as I waited for the hard smack of reality. I watched him open and close his mouth. His gaze dropped to the floor. It was as if he was watching the last of our lie circle down an invisible drain. Crap. This was really it.
“Kara, why don’t you sit down,” Cole said, taking a seat at the table. He gestured to the chair opposite.
I shook my head. “No. It’s okay. I understand.” I sniffed. My voice was shaky. I could feel a sob clawing its way up, but I wasn’t going to cry. I was a strong, independent woman. There was no way I would burst into tears here and now. I would wait until we got home, or at least until I could lock myself inside the private suit.
Cole sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Just spit it out, Cole,” J.P. said. “It’s time.”
Cole lifted his gaze, staring at me hard and long. “Fine. Okay.” He took a breath. “Kara, I love you. I love you so much my bones hurt from it, like that love is just too fucking big for me to contain.”
My mouth opened, but Cole held up his hand.
“No, just listen. It’s not the kind of love between best friends, Kara. I love you in every way you never wanted me to, like a man who wants you to be his.”
I blinked. There was no way I heard that right. My ears were playing tricks on me. “Huh?” I shook my head. That wasn’t what I wanted to say, but no words felt right on my tongue. There were too many questions bubbling up inside me, and all I could do was stare at Cole like he’d just told me he could turn water into wine.
Cole nodded, his eyes holding fast onto mine. “It’s always been like that. I hid it, because after that dickhead you thought you were engaged to promised to love you forever every night and then went home to his wife and his twin babies, I knew you needed me to be your friend more than anything else.”
The memory of finding out the truth about Blake was still like a fresh wound. I winced. Even though I didn’t want it to still hurt, it did.
He bit his lip. “And then...I don’t know, the lie just got bigger the longer I kept it from you. I tried, Kara. I tried so hard not to love you.” He hung his head. “I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve been manipulating you all this time.”
My eyes widened. “What? Manipulating me?” I grabbed his hand. “I thought I was being selfish with you. Keeping you from a real relationship because I was too afraid to have one again. I thought it didn’t matter that I loved you, since you could never possibly feel the same way. And I do love you, Cole, and not just as my gay bestie.”
“I don’t want to be your gay bestie anymore, Kara. And I don’t want a divorce either. I want to be your husband. I want to love you the way you should be loved for the rest of my life.”
“Cole,” I breathed. I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close.
“Can you give me a chance to do that, Kara? Can you forgive me?” His eyes searched mine, and I had a sudden flashback to the day my ex-boyfriend tried to ask for a second chance. This was not the same. Cole was not Blake. This was something I could forgive, and without hesitation, I stroked his face.
“Yes, and I do,” I said to him, hoping he could hear the sincerity in those words.
Our lips met then in a way that was more than fun and games, more than exploration. Our kiss was seeking and needy and full of our hidden desire to find a love in each other that would take us to our graves. I kissed my soulmate, smiling the entire time.
When we parted, Cole’s eyes were wet, and he dipped his head. “I was worried I would lose you.”
“You could never lose me.”
I kissed his forehead, and he lifted his face towards me, his lips near mine. All these years, I had found Cole sexy as fuck, but I never once guessed he returned the attraction. Now, as I watched him, noticing how his gaze locked onto my lips, the lust filling them, I wondered how I could have missed it. Had he always been staring at me like this?
I stilled as he leaned towards me, his lips brushing mine for the sweetest second, then teasing them with the tip of his tongue as if testing if this was really happening. A whimper escaped me. Electricity radiated down my spine by that tiny touch. Cole’s arms tightened around me, pulling me closer until I was practically on his lap.
“I love you,” I practically sobbed with the joy sparking to life in my shriveled heart and he slammed his mouth against mine again, this time kissing me hard, desperately, as if worried I might vanish in a puff of smoke. My hands ran through his hair. His fingers dug into my back and my worries over him leaving me to be with J.P. vanished instead.
“Well, I will leave you to it, then.” The sound of J.P.’s voice snapped me out of my blissful daze. Cole pulled away, reaching out and seizing J.P.’s hand as he passed the table heading to his suite.
“No,” Cole rushed out. “Stay.”
