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CHAPTER FOUR
Jack
This girl…
God, I don’t know in my entire life if I’ve ever had any kind of a relationship with a girl more willing to try to be the perfect little girl. She’s so enthusiastic and so sweet. Sure, there are times when I can tell she’s playing a role rather than being herself but she’s doing it for me. She’s doing all she can to try to be the little girl I want. I can’t believe how dramatically good that feels.
It’s like this woman wants to dedicate her life to me!
After four months together, I feel like I finally understand what it means to have a little girl who wants to submit to a Daddy.
And that’s the problem. The problem is I know after a great deal of meditation and reflection on the mistakes of my past that even though the best intentions are part of my makeup, my relationships are always focused on me. They always have to do with my expectations on my little girl instead of my responsibilities as a Daddy.
I’m afraid Tami isn’t being honest with me.
I’m afraid she’s behaving like she thinks a little girl is supposed to behave, giving me answers she believes a little girl should give instead of honest answers. In short, after four months I am certain this wonderful, beautiful relationship is traveling the same route as all of my failed relationships.
I don’t want a servant.
I don’t want a fantasy.
I want a real person with real hopes, thoughts and desires. I want a little girl, but not the fake little girl like you read about in the eBooks—some vapid, sex-crazed bimbo whose one goal in life is to please her Daddy—a real adult woman who knows what she wants and wants a Daddy, not so she can be a living sex doll but so she can have someone who supports, encourages and disciplines her to achieve her goals and become the person she really wants to be.
That’s the best part of being a Daddy. I’m not going to lie and say the sex isn’t fun or that I don’t enjoy having a little girl submit to me in bed and do whatever she can to please me. I enjoy that aspect of the relationship as much as any man but it’s not the only thing I want. The best part of being a Daddy is helping my little girl grow into the strong, confident, capable woman she wants to be, that I know she can be.
The problem is, I have no idea what Tami wants to be. Our relationship thus far has consisted of fun dates and spectacular sex and nothing more. There have been no discussions about her hopes and dreams, no talks about the future and no plans made or goals set that will help her live a fulfilling life.
How can I have a fulfilling relationship when my little girl won’t let me fulfill her?
I try to push these thoughts out of my head so I can be present while I visit Marcus. He and I haven’t been able to hang out much lately since I’ve been busy with Tami and my construction business and he’s been busy with Kellie and his own business. We finally nailed down a time to have lunch and at the last minute Marcus invited me to his place to grill steaks rather than go out to eat.
I never turn down a freshly grilled steak so I agree readily and that’s why I am no pulling into his driveway. As soon as I knock on the door, he calls, “Come in.”
I walk inside and before I can speak, he looks me up and down and says, “What’s wrong?”
I blink. “Nothing. What are you talking about?”
“Don’t lie to me,” he says. “I’ve known you for twenty years. I can tell when you’re upset. Is something wrong with Tami.”
Marcus has witnessed the rise and fall of many of my relationships and it really is no surprise he can sense the imminent end of this one. Still, I’m not willing to admit that to him, so I say, “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s fine.”
He nods and gestures for me to follow him outside. He has two thick tri-tip steaks seasoned and waiting next to the grill. We spend the next few minutes grilling the steaks and making small talk and another twenty or so eating them and making more small talk.
As soon as we finish, he clears the plates and returns to the table with two beers. He hands me one and says, “All right. We’ve had our lunch. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
I know I’m not going to be able to hide anymore, so I take a deep breath and share my concerns that Tami is only showing me what I want to see and not who she really is underneath. I finish with, “I don’t understand. I want to be a good Daddy. I want to help her live a fulfilled life. I don’t just want to fu—you know, just sex.”
“So, talk to her.”
I blink. “Talk to her?”
“Yes. Come on, Jack. Think for a moment. How is she supposed to know you want a deeper relationship when you haven’t told her? She’s spent the past four months giving you exactly what she thinks you want and you’ve done and said nothing to indicate you want more.”
The answer is so simple and obvious that I have no response. After a moment, Marcus continues. “Jack, you’re one of my best friends, so please know that what I’m about to say, I say as a friend and not to make you feel bad. The reason your relationships don’t work is because you use them to feel better about yourself. You don’t want to be a good Daddy; you want to feel like a good Daddy.”
He pauses. “That’s not true. You do want to be a good Daddy. What I mean is, you’re so scared to make a mistake, you stop before the relationship gets serious enough that you might make one. Then you wait for the little girl to tell you how to be the Daddy she wants instead of taking charge and asking her how you can help her be the woman she wants to be.”
“Talk to her, Jack. Tell her you want more than just fun. Tell her you want to be a real Daddy for her and explain to her exactly what that means. You know how to do that. You just have to have the courage. For what it’s worth, I think if you take that step, things will work out between you two. You obviously love each other. It won’t kill you to be a little vulnerable and if you show vulnerability, she’s more likely to do the same.”
I reflect on his words and decide he’s right. “Thank you, Marcus. I can always rely on you to set me straight.”
He nods and sips his beer, “Damn right. Now get the fuck out of my house. You have a little girl to talk to.”
I thank him one more time, then get up to leave. On my way out, I text Tami and tell her I’m coming over.
This time will be different. This time I’m going to do things right.
