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Do you know who the father is?
Are you considering other options?
I understand the need to gather as much information as possible, but maybe she could lube me up first and ease me into it.
The nurse isn’t outwardly judgy and takes down my answers without expression. She instructs me to undress from the waist down and leaves to retrieve the doctor.
Getting naked and climbing onto a table is hard to do with a full bladder. Goodness, I feel about to burst. Why did they say drink two to three glasses of water, and why did I stupidly take that to mean three? Couldn’t it have been one? My knee bounces double time while I wait.
A knock thuds on the door as it opens.
“Hello, Kiersten, I’m Dr. Fischer.”
“Hey, Doc,” I answer with a grimace.
She washes her hands and checks my chart before scooting toward me on her fun wheelie stool.
“A home test confirmed pregnancy. Congratulations. It looks like you think you’re about eight weeks, so we’re going to do some standard tests and an ultrasound today.”
She dons gloves with an ominous snap and maneuvers her silver instrument tray closer. I eye the sticks and swabs, plastic tubes, and speculum with trepidation.
“What sort of tests?”
“Good question. I’ll perform an internal exam, a PAP with an STI panel because some STIs can be harmful to a fetus, and we’ll go ahead and get an early ultrasound for confirmation. I’m sure you’re eager to see the little one, and we don’t need a urine or blood test if we’re confirming that way. If you don’t mind scooching forward until your bottom is at the edge and then putting your feet in the stirrups, we’ll get started.”
I do as I’m told. Once in position, I cross my hands on my stomach and study the ceiling. “Can we make this fast? I’ve been holding my pee for this ultrasound for an hour now and feel like I’m about to burst.”
She pats my knee placatingly. “Oh, poor thing. Of course. I’m going to lift the drape now if you can just drop your knees open. Yep, just like that. You’re going to feel the speculum, but it shouldn’t hurt.”
I’ve been through this before, so the pushing and stretching doesn’t surprise me. What does nearly pop me off the table is the added pressure from either my bladder or the pregnancy. Slight tingles shoot through me with the addition of the speculum. Oh, no, no, no.
I stare at the ceiling and attempt to count the holes in the tiles. Anything to keep from wiggling. I feel the sensation of a couple of repeated swabs, and then the speculum slides free. The tingling doesn’t go away. Closing my eyes, I suck several deep breaths through my nose.
“I know it’s uncomfortable, I’m sorry. Just the exam left, and we can get that ultrasound done.”
I nod but don’t verbally respond. I can’t be liable for what may come out of my mouth right now, so instead, I focus on taking deep breaths.
“You’ll feel pressure from my fingers. You’re doing great, Kiersten.”
Her gloved fingers enter me, and…oh, no. I’m going to pee. I’m going to…
Oh. Noooooo.
She feels one ovary and transfers to the next. The sensation of her moving inside me has me about to…
“Uh, Doctor?” I question breathily. I can’t believe this is happening.
“All done!”
As she removes her hand, the worst happens.
My face contorts in what I’m sure is the most pathetic O face in existence, and let’s just say, I won’t be winning any porn performance awards anytime soon. I shove my fist into my mouth in order to stifle the moan, but it’s useless. It’s coming and so am I.
I squeeze my thighs together and involuntarily arch my back, letting out a cross between a groan and a cry of shame just as a knock sounds on the door, and it opens fractionally.
“Ahhhhrrrggggg.”
I want to die.
