AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I turn a quarter turn, opening my mouth to tell him I’m not going to hash it out or apologize, and I’d rather be left alone. “Nathan, I—” But clearly, his plans take precedence.
In one move that dizzies my head, I go from standing firmly on the sidewalk to pressed up against the rough, rustic exterior of the restaurant. My wrists are caught in one of Nathan’s palms and held above my head, and his other hand wraps around my chin, holding me steady as his mouth slams down on mine. My cut off sentence provides him the perfect opening to swirl his tongue inside in a kiss that’s a juxtaposition of frantic and delicate.
I’m shell-shocked as I let him devour my mouth in the hottest, most panty-drenching and nipple-pebbling kiss of my entire life.
He pulls back a fraction, lips wet and swollen. Pants of passion fill the fractured air between us as our chests heave together. Brown eyes full of gratitude and lust gaze into mine.
“You are a brilliant and incredible woman. And I am so sorry.” His grip disengages my jaw to trail his fingers down the messy blond locks at the side of my head. Every bit of remorse he claims is written on his face.
Words fail me. The desperation in the part of my womb not occupied by a fetus wants me to push him over and mount him like he’s a bull to be conquered, public parking lot be damned. Then again, this is exactly what not having a relationship should have helped us avoid.
“Nathan.” I dig deep for the words to explain what I feel, but the barrel is empty.
My face must convey it anyway because he steps away from me. Every beat of my heart feels like molasses coats the organ. Slow. Incomplete. Life-altering.
“I shouldn’t have done that. It was the only way I knew how to show you what that meant to me.” The sharp angle of his jaw and cheeks turn to granite. He thrusts his index finger in the direction of the open doors. “She won’t be a problem anymore. I won’t allow it.”
I feared my speech pushed our friendship beyond repair. We’re having a baby together, and my hope is we can co-parent amicably and not end up like one of those families who turn child-rearing into a declaration of war. The affectionless tone tells me the speech isn’t the problem.
It’s me.
The fire from earlier extinguishes. “That means a lot.”
He gazes across the lot as if looking at me hurts. “You okay to head home, or should I call Cami?”
“I’m fine.”
He finally cuts his eyes to my face. “You sure?” he presses.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I was just caught off guard.”
Nathan gives me a curt nod. “See you soon?”
I wrap both sweat-drenched palms around my purse strap. “Sure. Our appointment is on the fourteenth at eight a.m. You should write it down.” Four weeks away. With how things went today, I can’t be sure he’ll want to see me before then, other than in passing at work. The safest plan is to leave the choice up to him.
“I got it,” he replies with apathy.
I roll onto my toes and drop down. “Well, see you.” With a wave that would put all beauty queens to shame, I walk briskly across the lot to my car. I start it right up and head toward home without checking the front of the restaurant. I’ll never know if he watched me drive a
way.
The torrent of threatening tears Nathan swept away stays locked tight. Rather than replay the embarrassing conflict in my head the entire drive back …
I recall the kiss instead.
It was one for the books. If I were keeping track of that sort of thing. Which I am absolutely not.
10
Nathan
The dim yellow light from the hanging pendant lamp above the bar illuminates the crumpled sheet of notebook paper before me. My scratchy handwriting mocks me from between the blue lines, the single line written a middle finger to my efforts today.
Janessa,
It’s October of 2019, and I’m finally writing you back
The abrupt ending reminds me of the conversation that prompted me to start this pathetic letter, and the anger rises within me like a tidal wave. There’s too much on my plate with knocking up my best friend that I don’t have time to be writing letters to my dead wife.
