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His behavior resembles avoidance more than anything I’ve experienced from him before. If I’m being honest with myself, it fucking hurts.
These periods of silence are remnants of him working through his own feelings. This is a damn fact. He asked for space, and we’re both guilty of a give and take in that department. I may have initiated the kiss at the baby shower, but he stripped me naked at my house. Getting on my knees for him was my choice, but the decision to fuck was his.
See? Give and take.
What it comes down to is I’m six months pregnant. He has to be close to figuring his feelings out, right? This baby is coming whether he’s ready or not.
“Kiersten Shaw?”
The nurse calls my name and smiles as I rise a little awkwardly from my chair. The more this belly grows, the more my center of gravity shifts. Every time I get used to the change, it moves again. It won’t be long before I’m waddling along penguin style, and a ninety-year-old with a walker will be able to overtake me in a race.
“Hello.” I finally reach her and follow down the short hall behind reception. We stop at an alcove where she takes my weight before continuing to the exam room.
After a quick check of my vitals, she leaves to get the doctor. Not two minutes have passed before a knock sounds on the door, and my heart skips a beat. Relief floods my system so furiously I sag in my chair. Nathan is finally here.
The door opens and nope. Not Nathan. Even worse is the familiar face beaming at me.
Dr. Fischer pokes her head around the door before she steps fully inside. “Hello, Kiersten.”
Can I die now? Someone else, please take the friggen wheel. Flames lick my cheeks hotly and not the good kind. I haven’t seen her since “the incident” as I’m now calling it in my head when the memory graces me with its horrific presence. I searched other options for care, but our town is too tiny without driving thirty miles away. I considered it, boy did I ever, but with winter upon us, it didn’t seem smart to navigate slick streets f
urther into my pregnancy. This OB department works on a rotation, and I thought, hoped, and prayed for her to trade me off with another doctor for my appointments. Judging by her reappearance, that’s not the case.
“Um, hi.”
She takes a seat on her wheeled chair. “How have you been feeling?”
I shift awkwardly, not feeling the need to strike up mundane conversation. “Oh, you know. Pretty good. Just pregnant.”
“Relax.” She places her hand on my arm with a gentle squeeze. My gaze shoots to where she touches me. “You probably don’t need an exam today.”
So many phrases flit through my head, but she removes her hand and clicks around in my medical chart on her screen before I utter a single one.
“Let’s get a quick measurement, but everything in here looks good. Hop up on the table for me, please.” She advances to the sink to wash her hands.
I clamber onto the narrow table and scoot back without falling off the side. Once lying on a slight angle, I take a couple of extra breaths behind her back. The kind words have done zilch so far to quell my embarrassment.
“Go ahead and lift your shirt.” She retrieves a paper measuring tape while I do as I’m told and places one end just at my pubic bone. Her hands make me flinch.
“Sorry. They’re cold, aren’t they?” She smiles as she pulls the tape up along my belly.
“Yeah, something like that,” I mumble as I watch her face instead of her hands. More like they make my skin crawl.
As she presses around on the top of my bump, her expression morphs to one of concentration though her smile remains firmly fixed.
Any anxiety over her touching me instantly fades to white background noise. Lifting my head, I peer down at the measuring tape over my belly. “Is something wrong?”
“Does your belly always feel like this?”
Now I’m offended. What’s wrong with my belly?
“Like what?”
“Here, give me your hand.” I offer it to her, and she uses hers to maneuver mine around the top of my bump. “Feel how hard it is?”
Leaning up on one elbow, I survey my belly as if I can visualize what she means. “It’s not supposed to feel like that? I-I guess I noticed it being hard but thought that was normal since there’s a baby in there.”
“It’s probably nothing more than Braxton Hicks, especially since you aren’t feeling it. I’d like to monitor you here for a little while to see if they’re contractions. And possibly do an exam.”
