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“If we’re just friends, why would that hurt?”
I’m so frustrated I could literally snarl. “I have a raging mass of hormones coursing through me on the daily. We might be just friends, but you don’t have to say it like that!” My bottom lip trembles. Great. Now I’m going to fucking cry, and I never cry. I don’t even know if I remember how to cry without looking like I’m auditioning for a bad reality TV show.
Nathan suddenly clenches my right hand, tears off my glove, and slides a silver band onto my ring finger.
“Dude!”
Warm palms cup my face. He brushes his thumb beneath my plush, wobbly lip in a move that surprisingly helps me regain control.
“Don’t cry, and don’t yell at me.” His gentle voice eases some of my unrest. “We’ve had a rocky road. Finding out you were pregnant was the hardest thing in my life, second to Janessa’s diagnosis and passing. And I’m still working through that. Not her.” His fingers add pressure to my face for emphasis. “I’ve coped with her loss. I just never expected to be anything to anyone for the rest of my life. Not a boyfriend, not a husband, and especially not a father. And I’m about to be a dad.”
The higher pitch and crack in his voice on that last word almost has me come undone. Coupled with the sincerity in his eyes, I’ve never felt more grateful for this man.
“This seems over the top now.” He brushes his finger over the silver ring. “You are not alone. You are strong and capable and independent, and I know this. I’ve seen it. But you don’t have to be in this.”
That first tear breaks free in a silent, icy trek down my cheek. Nathan’s quick to wipe it away with his thumb.
“One hundred percent from here on out. I know I’ve missed things, and I know I’ve acted a jackass on occasion, but I’m trying my best, and I promise to get better. That’s what this is for you.” He fingers the ring on my hand. “A promise.”
“You know you don’t have to do this. I know these things about you, too,” I choke out through the tightness in my throat.
His smile is so pure. “I know.”
For a moment encompassing an eternity, it’s just us, the bright crystal lights hanging around and faint flurries falling from the black sky. When I gaze in his eyes like this, it settles deep inside—his promise. Everything is going to work out okay, even if there are bumps in the road on the way.
He disrupts the silence first.
“Come on. We should get out of the cold.”
I don’t miss the way he pretends to wipe his face on his shoulder but secretly hides a grin. Unfortunately, I don’t have the right to ask him not to hide it from me.
He resumes walking, and I reach out and catch his wrist in my gloved hand.
“Nathan.” His name slips out even though he’s right here within earshot. He instantly stops and turns, directing his full attention on me.
Goddamn … my heart clenches.
“Thank you. For bringing me here. For the ring and your promise. I would have sworn I didn’t need to hear it, but I think, deep down, I did.”
He slips his hand free from my grasp, and it feels as though he twists the knife in my chest. That is until he curls his hand in order to lace our fingers together tight.
“You’re welcome.” A hasty kiss lands on the top of my head.
We complete our walk through the lights and get back into his truck. Nathan cranks the heat, and I remove my hat and remaining glove, aware of the staticky state of my hair and sweaty palm. I place my items on the seat between us before sitting back and admiring the new jewelry on my hand.
Nathan flicks his gaze from the dark road ahead of us to my hand and back again.
“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”
“Stop. Don’t say anything else. Of course I want to wear it.”
That seems to appease him because he goes back to being quiet.
It’s the truth, anyway. Glancing down at my right hand brings warmth to my heart. There are going to be tough times ahead. We’re going to have to navigate co-parenting with two working, independent adults in two separate households. I can already picture the arguments to come, but I also know that having a physical reminder will help. We’re in this together.
18
