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Cami and I don’t typically delve into drama, proving something must be in the water today. The heaviness stems from talk of futures, or lack of, and not because of the meat monster I choked down in less than fifteen minutes. That bad boy was delicious.
Life, love, and loss are all things I’ve yet to experience in my thirty-seven years.
My grandparents haven’t even passed on yet. I’m incredibly blessed to have them in my life well into adulthood, so my greatest loss has been a pet hamster when I was thirteen. Cami, Law, and Evelyn had each endured more by that age than I have in my entire life.
And maybe I’m projecting by asking Cami to take risks with me. Who else am I going to go on adventures with? Myself? Some things in life are worth having someone to share them with, but at what cost? Tying myself to the wrong person seems more likely than finding that once-in-a-lifetime fairy-tale romance. The latter seems next to impossible.
Those are the statistics and not just my opinion. It’s no wonder the divorce rate is skyrocketing when people fall in love so easily and give up before the ink is dry. If I ever get married—a big if at this point in my life—it’ll be to someone who completes me and complements me. I refuse to stand down to a man or be forced to live up to someone else’s standard.
My mind conjures two exes from my past that I thought could have been “the one.” Neither relationship lasted more than a year. After the messy breakups of moving back into my own place and separating possessions, I only felt relief that I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life. Times two.
Also, one of them looked like he was howling at the moon when he climaxed, and I just couldn’t picture having to live with that face for the rest of my life.
Cami and Law are the lucky ones. The kismet. The star-crossed lovers who eventually found their happily ever after. They went through hell and back to find their way to each other and can rest easy knowing what they have is solid. Rather than finding my “one,” I spent my adulthood loving myself enough for two.
A knock on my window startles me from my thoughts. Crap. How long have I been daydreaming in my car when I should have driven back to work?
Through the window to my left stands none other than Nathan in full uniform, hands braced on his hips, looking hot as sin.
The hiss of air conditioning kicks on when I twist the keys. The window whirrs down, and I slip my shades over my eyes then lean slightly out.
“Hey.”
He crouches down from his six-foot height and rests his forearm on the sill, forcing me back inside.
“You all right?”
My brows crease behind my mirrored rims. “Uh, yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”
He jerks to his rig idling on the side of the alley. “We were passing by, and Cami got a bit freaked when she saw your car was still here.”
Evidently, my daydream lasted a lot longer than I thought.
“How long ago did she get back?” I ask, fully realizing it makes me sound like a back-alley crackhead who’s lost track of time.
“About ten minutes.”
I squeeze my hand in the tiny space beside his broad shoulder and my doorframe, giving Cami a sharp wave. The ambulance is too far away for me to see her, but I know she’s spectating this exchange. Probably has her face plastered against the glass so hard she leaves behind steam with every breath. Why she didn’t come check on me herself is beyond me, but I’d presume she’s orchestrating something.
And failing with a capital F.
“Oops. You can tell her all is well here. I spaced out, I guess.”
His expression isn’t swayed, but I’m not one for lying, especially about something as insignificant as this. I trail my fingertips along his exposed forearm in front of my face.
“I’m fine. But I appreciate the special stop just for me. You guys are the best.”
Nathan rolls his tongue around in his mouth. “We were on our way back after our call was canceled.”
I bristle slightly, jerking my hand back as if his arm beneath mine turned to flames. “Oookay then. If you don’t mind, I have to get back to work myself. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Hey, I was teasing. Well, not about the call, that was real, but we both wanted to check and make sure you were okay. Cami said things got a little heavy at lunch.”
I exhale a deep breath through my nose. “I’m fine. You know me. I’m not fazed by much.”
Nathan looks across me to my empty passenger seat, and I swear I see his jaw clench.
“Yeah.” He grunts. Slapping his palms once on the frame of my open window, he returns to his full height. “See you around.” Without waiting for my farewell, he stalks back to the ambulance.
