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Curiosity is about to make me pee my pants. I shuffle off to take care of business one door over but promptly return after washing my hands.
One glance around the room and I need to prop myself against the doorframe for support. All I want to do is drop to my knees with emotion. The glow comes from a lamp, the base a brown tree trunk disappearing beneath a forest green lampshade depicting various jungle animals. On the pull cord hangs a cheeky monkey holding a banana. The lamp found its home on a brand-new white night table I hadn’t yet found the time to assemble.
The white changing table, not only constructed but stacked high with diapers, wipes, and clothes with the tags on, sits beside the table to my left. And right across the door, where I can see it from my own bed in my bedroom if the doors are open, is the crib. Also white, fully assembled, and a jungle-themed quilt folded neatly over the side with matching sheets.
“Do you like it?”
I knew he was there. Of course I saw him. My desire to take in my fully installed nursery outweighed any need to acknowledge him until he spoke. At the sound of his lulling voice, I turn my head to the last piece, my favorite piece. A wooden glider with a sliding footrest, and thick forest green cushions that invite me to sit.
Nathan sits in that chair, hand cupping his chin and his index finger ticks like a slow tempo metronome across his lips. His brown eyes remain soft as he regards me and awaits my answer.
“It’s perfect,” I force through a tight throat.
“Come here.”
I go to him. How could I not? At my approach, he holds out his hands for me to take. Clasping my hands tightly in his warm palms, he stands, reverses our positions, and helps lower me into the chair.
“It’s nice, isn’t it?”
My head falls back against the cushion, and I kick the chair into a gentle rock.
“Cami did good with this one.”
Nathan surveys the room he spent an afternoon singlehandedly putting together. “I don’t think she forgot a single thing. She hooked our boy up.”
I rub my damp hands against the wooden arms of the chair. “You didn’t have to do this. Thank you.” My voice catches, and by the flash in his eyes, he doesn’t miss it. He tucks his hands casually into his jean pockets.
“It’s nothing. One less thing for you to stress about. We couldn’t have you going into labor before his room is finished.”
“It’s so surreal sometimes. I mean, I’m the size of the moon. I feel him kicking, so I know he’s real, unlike in the beginning. And somehow, we’re weeks away from becoming real full-blown parents.”
“Yeah,” he rasps, pulling my attention from my rambling.
“Are you okay?”
He clears his throat and rocks back on his heels. “I’m good. Tired, I think. Mind if I head home?”
I’m thrown for a loop. “Oh. Of course. This is beautiful. Thank you again.”
If I’m being honest, I expected another declaration about how we should move in together. Is he rushing home to give me space or because I’ve somehow offended him? Another downfall of being a strong woman who tries to keep a tight leash on her emotions is that it’s easy to hide from the people closest to us how we truly feel. When I wanted to burst into tears at the sight of my new nursery, I held it together, and now he probably thinks I’m ungrateful.
“You should get some rest. I’ll see you soon.”
This feels frighteningly familiar.
“Nathan!” I startle us both with my anxious shout. He turns, and some of his calm seeps into me.
“Please don’t disappear,” I whisper.
“Never. We’re having a baby together,” he states simply. His taut body loosens a fraction, and he rolls his shoulders. “But this isn’t easy, this giving you spa
ce when all I want to do is wrap you in a protective bubble. So I’m going to take some space too and work on that.”
“That’s reasonable.”
His smile is gentle. “I’ll check in tomorrow. There’s food in the fridge, though I see some of my meals made it home with you.”
“Where did you find the time to run to the grocery store between all of this?” I gesture around the newly decorated nursery with my foot.
