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We all chuckle, and as Cami turns to fill cups, she winks at me. That tricky girl is totally going to splash some Bailey’s into Regina’s mug.
Light conversation resumes over the snacks. Midway through munching on a piece of bread topped with cheese and pepper jam, and regaling my parents with tales of odd emergency phone calls I’ve received on the job, I happen to catch a glance of the other room and nearly choke on my food. Nathan pats my back, and my eyes widen at the loss of breath but also the scene before me.
Regina takes a sip from her unassuming coffee mug decorated in what at first glance appears to be a rainbow assortment of flowers. She leans left, murmuring with Mimi, and holds the mug in front of them as they admire the design.
“Nathan,” I cough again, and his pats turn to circular rubs.
He lowers his mouth to my ear. “What’s the problem?”
I clear my throat and turn my face into the warmth of his neck. “You have to get that mug away from your mother,” I hiss with urgency, knowing as I say it that it’s an impossible feat to accomplish discreetly.
“Why?” The dread in his tone is palpable.
“Don’t say it like that,” I snap beneath my breath. “This isn’t my fault. I’v
e been on this chair the entire time.”
We both turn to survey the complex situation before us.
“What’s wrong with the mug? Do you store your poison in it?”
“Hardy har. No, buddy, but she’s going to be mortified if she figures out that those flowers she’s admiring are actually phalluses.”
His torso stiffens. “Excuse me?”
“Proud, rainbow-colored flesh-members. Multi-colored pork swords. Are you getting it? She’s drinking out of a cup covered in giant kaleidoscopic dicks.”
I think it’s quite beautiful. Purple, pink, blue, green, and yellow flowers decorate the outside, but instead of the pistil and stigma that normally rise from the center of a flower, they’ve been replaced with various dicks. Some veiny and bulbous, some short, and it even has uncut varieties. All dicks are fairly represented.
Even the chode.
“Why, dare I ask, do you have such a thing?” he groans and pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Bachelorette party guest favors.” I shrug and grab the bottle of water before me so hard the plastic crackles in my fist. After a cooling swig, I lower it from my lips. “The real question we should be asking here is if Cami handed it out on purpose.”
Nathan’s gaze swings to Cami on my right. She must feel the lasers burning a hole in the back of her head because she abruptly turns in Law’s hold with a, “What?”
“Did you purposely give my mom a mug covered in dicks?”
“Oh, shit.” Her eyes grow wide and horrified. She gawks in the direction of said dick mug. “Shit, shit, shit! I didn’t even notice!”
“Camouflaged little peckers,” I mumble beneath my breath. At this point, it’s impossible to hold back my grin.
Cami shrugs off Law’s arm, apparently on a mission to retrieve the vibrant cock cup.
“There are PENISES!” Mimi jumps off the couch as if she’s received an electric shock.
“Too late,” I hoot and catch Cami’s bicep as she moves to pass. “I’m surprised her eighty-two-year-old eyes made out those shapes before anybody else’s did.” Tears of hilarity form in my eyes.
At the commotion, Mom and Dad enter the living room as Papa moves to calm down Mimi, and Regina finally turns her attention to her mug. She brings the ceramic close to her face, squinting her eyes as she studies the flowers. The moment she sees them with clarity is obvious. She exhales a little guh, sets the mug on the end table, and wipes her hands as if it soiled her.
For the record, any remaining animosity toward her is wiped totally clean. Watching that woman carrying on with a penis cup in her hands is more satisfying than any glass of wine would taste right now.
I catch Regina’s eye and mouth, “Sorry,” with a shrug. She knows I wasn’t the one to deliver her the cup. What takes me off guard is the smile that breaks across her face with a little chuckle.
I’d say all is finally right between us. Hopefully, we can keep it that way.
26
