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Nathan enters and does the same. I have to physically restrain myself with arms crossed over my chest not to walk over and take my baby out of his car seat. I haven’t had time to come up with a plan, and it’s all shot to hell now that they’re here. Not to mention I’m now recovering from a large jolt of fear.
Once he removes Cedric from the carrier and holds him snuggly in his big strong man arms, I ask the question that’s gnawed at my brain for nearly ten minutes.
“What are you doing here?”
“I told you. We missed you.”
The walls I’ve held up with tape and glue my entire adulthood disassemble just a tad with that uttered sentence. It scares the crap out of me to think about letting him in, but I can’t see a way forward if I keep him out much longer.
My snarky side has one last attempt to save my heart. “Couldn’t handle it without me?” I paste on a smirk that falls flat in a nanosecond. “Don’t-Don’t even respond to that. I’m sorry. I’m emotional, okay?”
Nathan steps forward, but I match him with a step back. “I know. That’s why we’re here.”
I wave my hands between us. “I don’t get it.”
“Broke my damn heart to watch you bawl your eyes out in your car because you’d rather be strong and stubborn than talk to me.”
“Nathan—”
“No. Listen to me, please, baby, and listen good.”
Now my heart breaks because I know what comes next. I shoved, and he’s going to tell me enough is enough. I summon that last ounce of strength to give him the respect he deserves while he tells me to go to hell while at the same time I prepare my heart to shrivel away.
“We don’t have to make any hard decisions right now. I don’t ever want to see you like that when it comes to doing what’s best for our son. If that means I have to wait a year to have him sleep at my house, I’ll wait a year. If that means we cohabitate so I can help at night, you already know I’m up for that. Whatever form this needs to take to give our son the life he deserves, with both his parents, I’m willing to make that compromise. The question is, are you?”
My mouth drops open wide enough a fly could enter and I wouldn’t even notice. Nathan doesn’t give it any attention because he keeps going.
“I won’t guilt you into anything. You already know how I feel. I’m just trying to stress to you that I’m on board with however we need this to work.”
I thrust up a palm. “Nathan, stop.”
He rears back and snaps his mouth closed.
“It’s my turn now, okay?” I say softly and move to my boys. As I grasp Cedric beneath the arms, Nathan releases him to me. I give him a snuggle that includes a big breath to inhale his perfect clean, diapery baby scent and press him to my chest. Closing my eyes, I savor the feel of him in my arms and then walk him to his baby swing in the corner.
“I was fine holding him.”
“Shh,” I mutter to both of them and set the swing in a gliding motion.
I arrange my face in determination and square off with Nathan, delivering lines that haven’t popped into my head before now, let alone been rehearsed.
“You’re perfect.”
He watches me with quiet trepidation as I move closer.
“You’ve always been perfect. Nice Guy Nate wasn’t just some random nickname Cami and I gave you to joke around. You personify all the dreamy parts of a man, except you’re real. I don’t know when I started to notice you as more than a staple in my life, but I don’t think I can keep fighting it. I don’t want to.”
I pace as I rant, letting it all hang out like that one time at prom when the halter strings on my dress snapped, and the top fell and exposed my bare tits to the entire senior class.
“Every time I do something insanely stupid that should make you hate me, you rebound twice as strong with reassurances that everything is okay. I mean, who does that?” I throw my hands up in exasperation and keep right on going. “You knocked me up, and rather than explore any possibilities between us, I shoved you in a box, taped it shut, glued the tape, and sent you express mail across the ocean. Do you know how much time I’ve wasted?”
“Kiersten.” His voice is choked as though he’s suppressing his laughter.
“It’s not funny! Do you know Cami said I have a fat ass? Never mind, don’t answer that.”
His chuckle breaks free.
“That’s beside the point, and I happen to like my new ass. The point is that I watched you get down on one knee as a joke, and all my thoughts were about how maybe you weren’t joking and how badly I wanted to say yes.”
