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Pressure in my chest forces the air from my lungs. Unimaginable words dance on the tip of my tongue. “I don’t know how to move on,” I whisper as shame threatens to engulf me.
“Caiti, darling, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying to move on.”
“No, I know that. I—” Can I really admit it? “Dane makes me feel…” I trail off when the words don’t come.
“Oh.” Evie’s singular answer sends a poison dart to my chest. Afraid to meet her probing eyes, I keep my gaze averted. “You want to move on.”
“I want to try,” I disclose the painful truth.
Understanding dawns on her face. “But you don’t actually know how.”
I shake my head. “I’m already living with him, temporary as it is. But what if something goes wrong? What if we don’t work? What if it somehow makes things worse between us, and we have to keep co-parenting Ophelia for the next fifteen and a half years, except now he hates me?”
“But what if it’s nothing short of beautiful? How will you know unless you try?”
“What if I somehow end up the bad guy, and Ophelia chooses to live with her dad over me?”
“A what-if isn’t a premonition. It’s nothing more than make-believe. Unless you want a career as an author, stop telling yourself stories.”
“You’re right.” I lean back in the chair and slurp my half-melted drink.
“Have you considered getting advice from a therapist?” Evie pops the cap off her cup and tips the drink into her mouth.
“Tried that. It helped initially, but I don’t know if it would be worth going back.”
She tosses her empty receptacle on the table. “It might. You know you can always stay in town and not make any other major life-changing decisions.”
I cover my face with both my hands. “Have you seen him, though?” I squeak. Just the mere mention sends an image of him shirtless to the forefront of my brain. Corded forearms and bulging biceps, solid pecs, and a grooved set of abs I wouldn’t mind running my tongue through, and a five o’clock shadow he can’t fully get rid of that keeps him just on the edge of rugged.
Evie attempts to drag a hand from my face. “Whatever you’re thinking about, you can share with the class. Your face is twelve shades of red.”
I swat her arm away.
She’s undeterred. “So maybe you need to sleep with him. Get it out of your system.”
“Did that, have the stretch marks and the college fund to prove it.”
Evie grins. “Yeah. Seal’s already broken then.”
My mouth drops open. “When did you become such a bad influence?”
“When did you become such a prude with a capital P?” she fires back.
“I don’t know,” I groan. “Motherhood stole my confidence. I want my sexy back, but I’m convinced she’s gone on an indefinite strike.”
Evie straightens in her chair and glances around the shop. Appeased by whatever she finds, she leans across the table. “Is Dane home tonight?”
Confusion steals over me. “Not until late. He’s closing the bar tonight.” It’s Thursday. One of his regular closers called in, so he’s covering for the late-night shift.
“So you’ll be alone once Ophelia’s in bed?”
Where is she going with this? “Yeah, Evie.”
She flops back with a shrug. “Then have some fun. Go take your sexy back.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ve done that over the past few years. Nothing new there.”
“Not in his bed.” She waggles her eyebrows. “You might find some…inspiration.”
Just the thought sends my heart pumping blood to all parts of my body, even the ones in a state of disuse.
She shoulders her purse. “Just think about it. Anyway, we should get going. I have to pick up Tommy from school.”
“Shit. I forgot the time.” Thank goodness the loft is only a short walk away.
Out on the sidewalk, the sun shines warm and welcoming on my face as I wrap my sister in a hug. “I love you. Thank you for all the advice.”
“Love you too. I may have selfish motives because I want to keep you around, but I really do want what’s best for you.”
“I know.”
“Have a good night,” she sing-songs and struts happily to her car.
She’s definitely given me a lot to think about. The entire walk home, I feel like skipping too.
* * *
